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Just Said Yes April 2021

Would it be rude to only invite a select few kids to our wedding?

Jessica, on October 17, 2020 at 12:19 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25

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The way our guest list has grown blows my mind. One night, we had about 45, then we go over to my future MIL’s place and start talking about more names we might want to add. They came up with about 50 more people in a single night. Our number is now 96. Now, I’ve always liked the idea of a larger wedding, and all the people they added (after talking to my fiancé, who said yay or nay to each one) are people who mean a lot to him/their family. They’re not like my MIL’s work friends or just randoms. So at first I didn’t mind doubling our guest count.

The problem came when we discovered the venue we were seriously considering - practically decided on - only holds about half that number of people. So if we want this venue, we have to cut our list way down, which we really don’t want to do. And now onto my question: I realized that we have so many children that’ll be invited along with their parents. If we don’t invite the kids, our guest list will go way down and we might be able to make our original venue choice work. But I know there’s a lot of risk with an adults-only wedding. We might lose a lot of people that we’re trying to keep. And what’s worse is there’s some kids we kinda need to invite, like our ring bearer and flower girl, plus some children of super close family; siblings, nieces, and a couple cousins.
I don’t know if this is the right way to go. I’m super worried about hurting anybody’s feelings or missing some special people on our wedding day. But the only other choice is to book a bigger venue, which will cost more. And I’m having a huge problem trying to find one within our budget that’ll fit almost 100 people. Any advice? I’m open to any ideas or suggestions.

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Latest activity by CM, on April 1, 2024 at 12:16 AM

Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on October 17, 2020 at 12:22 PM
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I would recommend only having children there who are in the wedding party.
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on October 17, 2020 at 12:26 PM
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Are you able to set a general "rule", such as, "kids of wedding party, kids of immediate family, and kids in the wedding party" are all invited? That way, people can't really be offended if you exclude kids of cousins or kids of acquaintances. Otherwise, if you invite one cousin's kids, but not another cousin's kids, there may be hurt feelings.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 17, 2020 at 12:27 PM
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I agree with Kell. If you want certain children, there has to be a clear reason that would be acceptable to most people, such as only children in the wedding party and/or children of the couple.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on October 17, 2020 at 12:46 PM
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Agree with this. It’s fine to invite only kids in the wedding party and your nieces and nephews, but it’s not okay to pick and choose which extended family members get to bring their kids.
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Jessica · on October 17, 2020 at 12:48 PM
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I was thinking about that. Part of me wants to just put only the couple’s names on the invitation to show that it’s only the two of them invited, but I realize not everyone understands wedding etiquette and they might brings their kids anyway. 😅 I’m wondering how I would phrase it to sound less...rude? I guess? And would it be better for me to put it on the invitation or our wedding website, or maybe both? There’s so many options lol ☺️
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 17, 2020 at 12:50 PM
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Yes it is rude and offends people when you are selective about which kids are invited while telling others no kids at all. That means kids involved in the wedding too. Invite all or none unless you want angry guests..but they won't say a word. For a truly child-free wedding, there is not a single person at the venue under 18, flowerchildren included.
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Just Said Yes April 2021
Jessica · on October 17, 2020 at 12:55 PM
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The thing is, the kids we would be cutting out aren’t all family members. Most of them (the parents) are his family’s friends; old neighbors, former teachers, and the like. People I’ve never met, but made a huge impact on my fiancé or played an important role in his life. The only kids we would be inviting - the siblings, nieces, and cousins - *are* really close family members. My main concern is that if we leave out the kids, their parents might go with them and then we lose more people that we want to have there. I hope that makes sense.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 17, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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You put couple's names only on the invite envelope. When they rsvp with children, you contact them to let them know it's adults only. You do this for *every* couple with children. Or you allow all children.
Mention the adults only on the website since it only goes on the invitation envelope otherwise.
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on October 17, 2020 at 1:19 PM
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We did an adult only wedding and had no guests decline for this reason. People understand that couples don’t want a lot of kids at their wedding. I think it is fine to allow children that are members of your wedding party, but that is where it needs to stop. If you pick and choose which kids are important enough to attend, you will end up offending people.
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on October 17, 2020 at 1:39 PM
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We are only allowing immediate family members’ children to come. My fiancé has 3 sisters and all 3 have recently had babies and are possibly going to be trying for more within the next year. Because the entire family is going to be at the wedding, we didn’t feel right saying they couldn’t bring their kids because they may have a tough time finding a sitter that they’re comfortable leaving their kids with overnight, especially if they have newborns. Nobody else can bring their kids and honestly most people have thanked us for doing that because it gives them an excuse to have a nice night to themselves where they get to dress up and have a fancy meal. So I haven’t discovered the issue of people not wanting to come just because their kids can’t. You have to weigh everything out though. If these people are going to have a hard time finding a babysitter and you really want them there, maybe allow them to bring their kids.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on October 17, 2020 at 1:42 PM
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My personal opinion is that it isn't right to let some people have their kids there and not others. The only kids that should be there are the ones in the wedding. Some parents whos kids aren't invited might see other kids there and be offended thinking that you dislike their kids or that you think their kids are bad. If you just leave it to the kids in the wedding everyone should understand why they are invited to the reception. Also most people expect a wedding to be adults only. That's how weddings used to be back in the day and that's generally what people expect. I hope you figure out what works best for you guys.
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Super September 2020
Alli · on October 17, 2020 at 1:49 PM
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I would vote only the children that must attend lol also keep in mind your venue probably has capacity limit at like 50% or whatever your state executive orders are! My state still has venue capacity restrictions for both indoor and outdoor and I don’t see them going away anytime soon.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on October 17, 2020 at 2:36 PM
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I don't think it's rude, only the kids in our bridal party will be in attendance for our big wedding. It'll only be our son, my stepson and my niece and nephew
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa · on October 17, 2020 at 2:36 PM
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If you put just the couple's name on the invite, and they RSVP for their kids too, you could reach out to them at that time to say something along the lines of, "We're so sorry that we cannot include [kids names here]! We had to limit our guest list, and will not be able to invite them." I wouldn't state that it's adults only on the invitation, but you could include it on your website!
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on October 17, 2020 at 5:18 PM
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As long as you have rule that you stick to (i.e. only kids who are in the wedding can attend) then you'll be fine. Otherwise, feelings are bound to get hurt if you allow some kids and not others. There is always the risk of more declines when having an adult-only wedding, but in my opinion it is so worth it!
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Dedicated August 2021
Miya · on October 17, 2020 at 10:23 PM
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FH and I are having our kids in the ceremony and opted to only invite kids of family. Our venue too has a capacity and a bigger venue is not in our budget. I figure if friends are offended, they are welcome to help pay or just not show. We are not getting married for the happiness and convenience of “everyone”.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on October 17, 2020 at 10:53 PM
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You can’t really tell some people that their kids are acceptable and tell others that theirs are not. The only real way to include some kids would be only including those who are in the wedding and maybe just immediate family, but that rules out cousins. It’s generally better to go all or nothing when it comes to kids. There’s nothing wrong with an adult only wedding, though!
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Devoted January 2022
Shelly · on October 19, 2020 at 9:04 AM
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We're only doing kids of immediate family only. (fg and rb are both family members' children). I had a similar post and there were MANY people saying it was 'rude' to not make it a blanket rule, but personally I think it depends on the crowd you're dealing with and what your situation is like. We're sticking to the immediate family rule (including cousins), because his brothers are all groomsmen, and his nephew is the rb. My family all live in different countries, so if we tell them no kids, my family won't be able to attend.
I say do wedding party children, and immediate family/family children. If friends get upset because they can't bring their kid, then so be it. It's your day and your friends really shouldn't be expecting their children to be invited to a wedding (personally I wouldn't expect that either). Just make sure when you address the invites that you don't put "....family", but instead address it to only the parents.
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Ayanna · on October 19, 2020 at 1:24 PM
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It is your and your fiance's wedding, and whatever decision you make should be respected. Whoever you want at the wedding, invite them, and let THEM decide how important it is to find a babysitter for them to attend. You already have enough stressors with planning a wedding during this time, so don't need the added stress of worrying about everyone else's feelings!
I always say that whoever shows up are the people who were meant to be there. We find babysitters every time we want to do something that is important to us, so if it's important to attend the wedding, they will find one!
If, by chance, someone asks the question, be honest that you had to be very careful in planning your guest list, and that for capacity reasons you could not include everyone. Remind them how much it would mean to you as a couple if they can be in attendance, and then reassure them that you will not harbor any hard feelings if they realize they are not able to attend without their children.
People who love you will continue to love you. While they may harbor some resentment initially, it will blow over after a while.
Bottom line: Invite who you choose, and enjoy whoever attends!
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Dedicated October 2021
Adrienne · on October 21, 2020 at 1:20 PM
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We went to a wedding last year that said no children on invite and i saw some people with kids which i confused me a bit and initially thought how rude of those people to bring their kids lol- however i think those people were close friends and family so as the bride and groom, you get to choose who the exceptions are. their invites said 'adults only' and i'm sure they directly told the people who came with kids that they could bring them. I'd imagine you'd be in a worse situation if those kids you don't invite are kids you see on a regular basis and are family or close to you.
most people going to a wedding won't want to bring their kids from what i've noticed. Like a lot of our friends and guest list are like nope this is date night for us! so not weird at all.
Like others have said - people who want to be there, will. it's not up to you to find babysitters for them or feel obligated to invite their whole family because they don't want to get one. In general, it'll show you what kind of people they are if they harbor it against you. Just remember that you make the choices best for you guys - you're paying for it and it's YOUR wedding and means way more to you than it does to them; they're simply just coming for a party.
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Would it be rude to only invite a select few kids to our wedding?

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