Who can and can’t come to the reception

Can you distinguish church members that you know more personally? It may be possible to have a reception for church members in a more casual sense the next day (if you are having a ceremony on Saturday). Maybe, especially if it is more organized as a church event. Otherwise it can be a bit messy about those you invite and those excluded.

The reception is meant to thank those who attended the ceremony for witnessing your marriage. It is rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. If the church requires that your wedding be open to any church members, then I would only send invitations to those who are invited to both and anyone who attends because it is during regular services or something will likely understand that they were not invited guests.

View Quoted Comment I know. I’m definitely not wanting it to be messy. But I know people have done this in general with their weddings where some people get invite to the reception but not others. We’re definitely wanting to have the reception be the same day and at a nice venue/hall etc. We are in the midst of trying to secure a place now for that.

View Quoted Comment Figuring out how many people the couple can afford to host is an issue that every single couple goes through. Just because people have done it doesn’t mean it isn’t a rude thing to do. It is called a tiered wedding, and it is considered rude within basic etiquette guidelines. Having a smaller, more intimate ceremony with a larger reception is considered acceptable under certain circumstances. Saying “you’re good enough to watch me get married but not good enough for me to pay for a meal” is frowned upon and the impression one gives to those who are only invited to the ceremony.


If you truly want to invite more people, then you can skip the formal reception and just do a cake and lunch service after the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts Hannah!

It's not done politely and definitely not in the US if that's where you live. It's considered rude to invite people to the ceremony only. One would only send invitations to those also invited to the reception. If your ceremony is open to the public people would find out about that by way of a church bulletin, not a personal invitation from you.

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I thought that you might be able to get some input from the church staff as to a second day of celebration after the church service. Also, an announcement could be made to church members to attend the ceremony with recognition a celebration would be for the church members the next day. Maybe there is another way of doing this. But that is my initial thought.

View Quoted Comment I’m not saying it’s not a possibility that we can do that. I’m sure my church and pastors would be willing! But I’m not interested in the reception being at my church. Only the ceremony. It’s not enough open space in our fellowship hall and I also want somewhere nicer to celebrate the wedding reception after the ceremony. I was just saying that I don’t think everyone would be able to come to the reception because of the costs of looking elsewhere. However, Seems like I may have to not invite the whole church to the wedding ceremony since they can’t all come to the reception from the comments I’m gathering here from others.


Thanks for your input and sharing your thoughts!

View Quoted Comment This is good and i honestly never knew that. When I look into wedding advice online they always mention that you can have the option by inviting some to the ceremony and not the reception or vice versa. I didn’t know at all that it was seen as improper or rude. I assumed people would be understanding of the costs of the reception. I’ve had people tell me on their own that they’re okay even if it’s just the ceremony that they see because that’s what matters the most. I’ve also been to wedding where I was invited to the ceremony but not the reception because it was more intimate. So think it really depends on our own mindset on it to determine whether we find it rude or not. I would be humbled and happy to be invited to a wedding in general. But everyone’s different. Thanks for sharing!

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Oops. I didn't clarify the confusing part.

Have the reception with guests you send invites to. That would be on the day of the wedding. And it helps that you have a separate location for that reception. The other invitation would be to church members through an announcement (like CM mentioned). They would go to the ceremony but then go back to their saturday life. The next day could be a church function with recognition of your wedding the day before.

Otherwise, the church family may feel there is no opportunity to celebrate the marriage. Sometimes ceremonies are not even mentioned to other church members ... maybe to avoid such messy situations. But that is the other extreme to inviting everyone.

View Quoted Comment Yes I think that you described more on the lines of what I was originally asking and thinking. I’m trying to figure out how I can invite to the wedding but not disclose to everyone the reception part because we just can’t invite everyone. People may be offended but they should be understanding that it’s costly to rent a space and pay for the meals. I personally think it’s a bit entitled for us to feel I should be going to both. To me THAT seems improper. It’s the thought that counts to attend a wedding ceremony which is the most important part. Plus I would want those that i/ we both know on a more personal level or that are traveling from afar to attend the reception if we can’t invite everyone to the reception.


I think maybe I will go with the idea of giving wedding invitations with the reception information on it. And then asking for an email to be sent out to the church of the wedding ceremony information. Maybe even disclosing if possible. My only fear is people asking where the reception is who didn’t get an invite and thinking they can come lol

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Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. When people start making up their own rules that's when you get into trouble with people getting hurt or offended. A church announcement, NOT a personal invitation from you is the way to go. That's how people know they are not invited to the reception. If someone does ask about the reception, either out of ignorance or rudeness, then and only then do you tell them you're sorry but the reception had to be limited in size.

You owe any guests who attend the ceremony hospitality. You can have a very simple cake and punch reception for the whole group and host a larger reception later, but etiquette does require something for all guests.


I would put something like “cake & punch to follow” on the invitation, then add an insert card for “Reception at X o’clock” with all the details.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing!

Invite the guests only that you want to have at the reception. Don't do ceremony only invites, that's really rude, and might result in hurt feelings.

People from your church might hear of the ceremony and attend that part, but in that case you don't need to invite them to the reception.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for sharing!