When did the “shop like it’s their birthday” trend come up?

I think the point is more to give them something that they'll want to hold onto. From other forums I've read about this topic, it does seem the general consensus is that items personalized for the wedding or related to the wedding either get forgotten about or thrown out after the wedding. I think there's something special too in receiving a gift that someone picked out just for you to say thank you (but you ultimately want to stay around the same price range for all gifts given).

I don’t think it’s a new trend at all. I married my first husband 11 years ago and gifted my bridesmaids all different gifts based on the things they loved. It’s a thank you for their time and money they’ve spent on you. It shouldn’t be a gift that’s about you still (things for pre-wedding pictures, wedding day, etc.)

I think the typical monogrammed tumblers and bags or whatever are fine, and I can't really blame people for buying them -- they're plastered all over Etsy, common in bachelorette party pictures, and something you just commonly see in any medium about weddings.

But when I started planning in 2018 and read about the personalized gift idea, it made a lot of sense. If you're going to be spending money on a gift for someone, you want them to use and enjoy it. Think about what you would truly like to receive as a thank-you or what you would use over and over again.

I think that the gifts with 'bridesmaid' on them come across more as souvenirs than as actual gifts. For our party, we got the girls a few of the same things and then a gift unique to each of them (coffee, a candle, etc.) and did the same for the guys. Everyone was really touched, so I'm happy we went that route!

This can also be a 'know your crowd' thing. Some people really love the monogrammed/bridesmaid stuff and would love to receive it, my group just wasn't in that camp.

It's because people are not always going to hold on to the robe or wine glass or whatever that says "bridesmaid." Some may, and that's awesome. What I say here is strictly my opinion and view on it. I was gifted the jewelery I wore day of as a bridesmaid. I have literally only ever worn that jewelry for that wedding, and it was 7 years ago. I wear jewelry every day and am very much a jewelry person. It just wasn't my style. I personally hate random things with my name on them (it just feels like it's labeled so the other elementary school kids don't take my lunch box or something). Your bridesmaids will of course appreciate any gift as a warm gesture. They're your bridesmaids because they're your nearest and dearest. However, that monogrammed sweatshirt or whatever is just gonna be stuffed in my closet somewhere because I will never wear it but I will feel bad throwing it out, so it will exist in my home for years to come due to that guilt. For my wedding, I gifted them all sterling silver jewelry. But I picked individual pieces that I knew each would like. They all got different jewelry. I also told them that they didn't have to wear them for the wedding, but I think they all opted to anyway. I've seen them (in person or in photos posted on Facebook) wearing the earrings I got them on other occasions as well. If I would have gotten them all the same pair of earrings just because, I doubt they would've all liked them because they are all individual people with individual tastes. I think the idea is to try to tailor your gift to the person, acknowledging their unique interests/styles/etc. You can have a similar theme or similar gifts, but I think just showing "I picked this for you and this for you" rather than "I got you all the same thing and slapped your names on them to differentiate" means something. My husband got his guys a bottle of their favorite liquor, except for my oldest brother who doesn't drink. He got him something else.

I think it is new because I have been a bridesmaid a few times throughout the past ten years and all of our gifts were the same. I would always say if you have a large bridal party (more than 3 people to me lol) then it is ok they all get the same thing. If we think of birthday presents, this year especially since I purged a lot of unneccessary things from my house to clean and organize, do we like every birthday gift even if it is tailored to our style?? Nope. My best friend knows me well but something she got me for Christmas I ended up regifting because I knew I personally I would not use it. I personally think it is nice to give them a gift for taking their time to be and spend for your day bur truthfully I am just all about practical. I agree on the jewelry as the pp said like I was given a necklace that I thought was hideous and looked like a christmas wreath and the MOH suggested we wear for the wedding...I did not wear it once after that but hey I still appreciated the fact that the bride gave me something because one bride did not get anything for us. I would not shop like its their bday but I would take some thought into the practicality of the gifts and get something nice.

I think I agree with you. I always thought it was “acceptable” to gift monogrammed items and/or everyone gets the ‘same’ thing. I have only been a bridesmaid once; in 2007 for my sisters wedding. As far as I know, all the bridesmaids got the same thing, a sterling silver heart shaped jewelry box with my name engraved on it from Things Remembered. I use it to this day, great quality and sentimental since it was my from sister.


Ever since joining this forum I feel more pressure to gift like it’s their birthday. Thankfully we are only having one person in each side so it won’t be too difficult. I did get my MOH (my sister) and flowers girls (nieces) a tote bag with their names on it (in our wedding colors) as part of the gift I gave her when I asked them to be in the wedding. We are also giving everyone (parents, bridal party, flower girls & siblings not in the bridal party) Starbucks tumblers/reusable cups with their name and their relation to the bride/groom.

I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times.
Once I got a basket of pampering stuff (bath salts, nail polish, face masks, etc.) nothing bridesmaid and we all got the same thing.
Once I got a hanger with my name in on it, super cute, I didn’t use it for a while because it’s a nice hanger. Now it holds my scarves. Once We didn’t get anything. I kept all this mind as I got gifts for my bridal party. And did kind of a happy medium (I think) of making it personal and semi wedding themed. I did a bag with their first initial on it, a make up bag with hair ties and chapstick (style chosen to reflect their likes), a picture frame, a bracelet (nothing fancy I just thought it was cute), and a nice wrap/shawl they could use if it was cold (January wedding) but could be used after the wedding.

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Yes -- this has always made total sense to me re: items personalized for the wedding. I know that's the same idea with favors and it seems like that's a know your crowd thing—some love and keep personalized coozies, some keep them forever.

The point isn’t that it’s bad to gift bridesmaids all the same stuff at all. The point is that it means more if you take the time to find a gift they would like rather than a bridesmaid specific one they won’t use in the future. You’re just thanking your closest friends for being there to support you, why wouldn’t you want to gift them something meaningful? It doesn’t have to be something expensive, a nice letter about how much you love them and a framed picture together is so much more thoughtful than a cheap tumbler with their name on it.

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I do get the concept of it — gifting for time/money spent (although that sounds so transactional!). I will say I think you're a trendsetter—I don't think brides back when you got married commonly gave different gifts based on personal hobbies!

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This, totally—if you're going to be spending a money on a gift for someone, you want them to enjoy it. I totally see that and purchased items I could see my friends enjoying and wanted them to love. I just didn't think of it as extreme as MUST BUY SOMETHING HARRY POTTER FOR THE GIRL WHO LOVES HARRY POTTER!

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This is exactly how I gifted—similar gifts for all, but a little tweaked depending on taste. I figured that was generous and thoughtful but apparently not in some eyes? Sometimes though, on this board and others, some act as though that's "not enough" and if a gift isn't related to a specific hobby a girl has, it's not appropriate.

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This is really smart -- no, not every gift lands perfectly no matter how thoughtfully the giver picks it out. Practical and nice seems to be a wise lens for selecting gifts!

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That sounds like such a lovely gift from your sister! Ironically, I got a similar or maybe even the same gift (heart shaped jewelry box with my name engraved from Things Remembered) from one of my closest friends, who was later one of my bridesmaids, for my 16th birthday. So I'm not sure what the gift police would say about that as a bridesmaids gift?

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That sounds like a nice gift bag and pretty much exactly what I've gotten for being in weddings. The hair tie gifts especially have been appreciated!

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Totally get this. It's funny, it seems like people have different schools of thought that kind of guide their gift-giving. Some view it more as an opportunity to gift elevated party favors (tumblers, etc.), some go for the sentimental (letters with super specific gifts) and some just for something nice (jewelry, etc.).

I think I did a blend of the above—really nice PJs, slippers and face masks and a designer item (purse, sunglasses or watch) for the day of wedding gifts and a bracelet that coordinated with their dresses (only a few wore it on the day of the wedding and I could not have cared less) and thoughtful, long cards for the bridesmaid proposals.

Many of my friends'/relatives' parents have been married 25-50 years and several of them said this was very common then to give something personalized to the individual's interests. It's only due to pressure from wedding magazines to stray from it and buy overpriced wedding-related trinkets that no one has any interest in keeping. Thrift stores are filled tshirts, cheap plastic tumblers and other items with names, dates, roles on them.

I think it’s because it makes the gift feel more personalized. I did the same thing where I just gave all my girls the same sort of thing. Because honestly it was just a lot easier especially buying things in packs in bulk. My best friend was the same way also where she just gave us the same thing

View Quoted Comment I think the hobbies thing is just meant as an example. Maybe some people are that hardcore, but I think the general idea is to give them something nice they will like, and that, for the most part, is not going to be a skimpy silk robe with "bridesmaid" written on the back.

This is an old thing coming back. At the time of my first wedding, I had been in several non family weddings already, and whoever you talked to or wherever you read
about it, everyone stressed that it was a sign you did not value your friends if you gave them gift shop tokens. That a gift required some thought about the person and their likes. This was in the 1998 to 2003 when ownership of PC's was sddenly skyrocketing, and just before smartphones. Then reality tv hit. They showed whole teams of friends going to ridiculous lengths to make brides happy, but all on a celebrity entourage level. The more they all loved the bride and did everything for her, the happer she was. But that seemed to be their fu ction inlife. They through bigger showers, so much for intimate parties with your closest friends. They stuffed people into limos to bar hop for bachelorettes, and a erage everyday people went to HMU, not a big feature of weddings. And everything turned buy, buy, buy. Giving gifts every time you turned around was a new thing. Computer registries were new, and people were advised to register for 2.5 gift possibilities per guest as in early years those setting up registries clearly had no idea that mostly couples and families coming to weddings don't each give a separate gift. I think we are seeing more people who have been in more weddings, with larger wedding parties, and lots of brides with a vision that leaves many i BP spending a fortune, and getting candles, a locket , a tote bag, and other things often given away as samples , nothing that indicates any thoughtfulness. The most recent trend toward mini-vacations as bachelorette s, in which there is an expectation BM will shell out $500 to $1000 more than they did 10 years ago, has pushed BP more and more. And brides are giving more token gifts. I would like to see the tide turned back, so every time I hear the old time traditional guidelines, to remember that each of your friends is an individual, not a team worker, and to make sure their role as BM is strictly an honor, and that you choose thoughtful, individual gifts, it pleases me.