Welcome Event for Destination Wedding

I would opt for the hosted shorter event. Any of the other options may be confusing for your guests.

Your guests are going to considerable lengths (and finances) to attend your event. I don’t think it would be appropriate to have them open their wallets again for an event you are hosting. I would look for affordable ways to host them. I have been to several destination weddings (and also had a DW), and all of them hosted a welcome dinner).

By making mention of the event and having it, you should be covering as many costs as you can because you are hosts. Cut costs elsewhere ( of something you are doing out of obligation that is optional, which is everything outside of the ceremony and feeding your guests the same day at the reception) to move the funds to afford it or don’t have the event. Couples say that destination weddings are cheaper for them, even to domestic locations, because they are passing the costs that are their responsibility as hosts to the guests, while taking on financial responsibilities that are not theirs as hosts because social media pressures them to. Even local weddings do that. But at a destination wedding, it costs extra for the guests, mainly due to travel costs (airfare/rental cars or Ubers that they would not get ordinarily/lodging at specific hotels that are more expensive and have more restrictions including must be there x number of days). Treat the welcome event like a rehearsal dinner that couples traditionally pay for where you host what you can afford and cut the party short. Or the party doesn’t have to be lavish and you can make a casual event with casual vibes as they tend to be outside of the movies, and have a low key party like a local would host which is half the cost. Keeping in mind that Hawaii is the most expensive place in the US (cost of living is higher than NYC), seek out hole in the wall mom and pop restaurants and ask about having a party there for x number of hours that you cover. Those are going to be less expensive than the tourist traps.

While none of these things are obligatory for a wedding that is local to the couple or at least one of the families, I think the rules change for a destination wedding. IMO it is problematic to ask guests to incur the burden of taking unreasonable time off and the expense while you remain on a tight budget. Many DWs are far cheaper for the couple themselves than a comparable local wedding and honeymoon would be. That essentially shifts the costs from the couple to the guests.

As you can probably tell, I'm not a fan of most destination weddings, but if you can't afford to host your guests generously during the time that they will be there then personally I'd rethink the whole plan. Many people will sacrifice to attend a loved ones wedding, well beyond what they would have liked or can afford. A budget minded local wedding would make a lot more sense to me in your place.

Since traditional etiquette frowns on most DWs there really are no rules that apply. There is also no distinction made between foreign and domestic destination weddings, though obviously asking everyone to drive two hours is more manageable for many guests than flying thousands of miles away.