Wedding Planning when your Mom has Passed

My mother passed 3 years ago and will be just about 4 by the time of the wedding. She also lost her fight with cancer. I have really been struggling with how to honor her but not be upset about her not being there. I haven't talked to many people about it because I don't want it to dampen anyone elses excitment over the big day. I do plan to have her 3 sisters stand in for all the mother daughter pictures and duties but im hoping it doesn't make me upset that day. I also want to post pictures or reserve a chair for her but not sure what I will handle best. What have you been thinking about your upcoming wedding. Any plans to honor her or envolve her in any way?

Hi Meagan! I saw a few things on Pinterest that I really liked as a way to honor my mom on my wedding day. One was having a chair for her at the ceremony with a bouquet on it. The chair has a sign that says “I know you would be here today if heaven wasn’t so far away”. I’m also planning to have some pictures of her as well as other relatives who have passed away on a table at the reception with a sign that says “wish you were here”.

I think another thing thats been helping me is acknowleding thag realistically, I am going to be upset that she’s not there. It’s okay if I miss her or cry on my wedding day and I don’t think that my grief for my mom will overpower my excitement and happiness about getting married.

One thing that has been especially difficult for me is that I barely talk to my dad. We were never close, but since my mom passed we have become even more distant. He was really awful to her when she was sick and didn’t do a good job of taking care of her. I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle or do a father daughter dance. He’s offered to pay for my wedding and although it’s very tempting I would feel uncomfortable taking money from him. I’m not sure what your relationship is with your dad but if you have any advice I would really appreciate it.

Hi Shaylyn. I am so sorry for your loss and I love your ideas for ways to honor your mother on your wedding day. Having a memory table is really special and I love how you could include photos, too.

My mom passed away 2 months after I got engaged and 5 days after we set our date. It was very sudden and a difficult loss. We halted planning for a bit and decided a couple months later to move forward with the planning and the date we had set. It was challenging. My FMIL stepped in for dress shopping, which was actually the hardest part for me. But I learned to let the emotions come. When I felt like crying, I cried. I also went to counseling to help me process this big life event without my mom, and that really helped. I also have a pretty strained relationship with my Dad after my mom passed. He did walk me down the aisle and we did a father/daughter dance, but I wish I had listened to my gut and had not done it. But he claimed he wanted to, so we moved forward with it. Now it is my biggest pain when I think back to the wedding. So do what feels right to you. Everyone grieves and processes in their own way and don't do something because you think you are obligated or others pressure you. And remember, if you feel any emotions, let yourself feel them. If you suppress, you will probably be overwhelmed with emotions at the most inconvenient time.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Maren!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for writing this post. You have no idea how much it helps to hear that you can relate to my situation.

View Quoted Comment

Of course. I know that was a pretty short post for a very complex time, but you can always reach out on any specifics you may be struggling with while planning and I can give my insight if I have any.

Funny enough I just posted on here the other day about how I wish I could just have my mom. Will be 6 years this June that she passed away and it still feels like yesterday. I too am having a memorial candle with photos of other family members who have passed.

I am also having bridal bouquet memory charms using my mom's old locket. This is an example that some people do:

bouquet charm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom back in 2013 to cancer. Its one of the hardest things planning the wedding knowing she isn't going to be there. My fiance never met her but he supports my idea to set up a memorial area with photos from her wedding day and of her candles for people to light at the ceremony. My live and prayers to you through your daily life and wedding 💙

View Quoted Comment Hey! Is there any way I can get in touch with you directly? I was hoping to be able to talk more about what you said about the strained relationship with your dad. I also have a strained relationship with my dad since my mom passed and he’s paying for the wedding which is making me really uncomfortable.