Wedding moments that guests secretly hate!

I agree with the list provided. And would also add mid-day outdoor Summer weddings! It’s too hot and no one wants to sweat their makeup off in a nice dress!

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All of the above and any outdoor wedding where the conditions aren't ideal and there isn't a good indoor backup plan. Also:

Most destination weddings

A gap larger than the time it takes to drive from the ceremony to a reception venue a reasonable distance away.

Guests are asked to dress according to a theme or color.

Speeches that are inappropriate for the time, place and company.

Using the guests as your captive audience and seeing the wedding as an opportunity to perform, for example, choreographed walks down the aisle, dances, singing, etc.

Couples who don't make the effort to greet their guests either by way of a receiving line or visiting tables.

Not enough seating is definitely my biggest peeve. I made sure to have more seating than people so people would feel free to move around and chat.


I hate long gaps between the ceremony and reception where nothing is provided for the guests to do or eat/drink but then it turns out the wedding party has been going around in a party bus or something. 🙄

The bouquet and garter tosses are up there on my list! Also when there's too many people giving speeches. Speeches can be beautiful and funny and sweet, but once speaker #10 takes the mic, I start to tune out.

Bouquet/garter tosses

Long gaps

Dress codes

Choreographed dances

Couple cuts and eats cake in front of guests who get none.

All of the above are inconsiderate though I have not experienced a terrible wedding by any means.

Lack of water or non-alcoholic options.

Putting a fake start time making early people sit dehydrated, tired, and feeling fooled.

Cash bars, tickets or anything more appropriate to a commercial establishment like a restaurant than a private social event.

Tip jars. Ditto the above. Guests should not have to put their hands in their wallets.

Putting guests, including the wedding party, to work setting up and cleaning up.

Centerpieces that block the view of the people across the table.

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Bartenders need to make their money too. As someone who is both a groom (in two months) and a Bar Manager for a convention center for the last 10 years and has worked hundreds of weddings from the other side, I can tell you they do not get paid enough for what they have to do. If the couple getting married don't want tip jars, then they should make sure that the bartenders are tipped appropriately to the size of the wedding and length of the reception ahead of time. You do not want an unhappy bartender.

Tickets at bars is actually a very easy way of handling a hosted bar. It's simple and clean and means minimal hassle and paperwork for the people getting married and the people working and managing the event.

As to having guests help the wedding party set up and take down that is something that is normally by request only. If you don't want to do it, say no. If you are asked to help, it usually means that you are both trusted and loved by the couple. On top of that, there are many things that most venues simply don't do, and if you want it done you have to do it/decorate it yourself. And that means undo it at the end of the party. And everyone needs a little help. The most stressed out and miserable couples are the ones that usually think they can do it all themselves. They can't. Their job that day is to get married.

My biggest pet peeve at weddings? Cheapskates who don't tip.

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I fully agree that bartenders need to make tips and I would not want my bartender to be unhappy or feel unappreciated in any way. It's the source I take issue with. Don't plan a wedding if you can't actually afford to tip your own vendors. Like it or not, that's the appropriate etiquette of the situation.

As for putting guests to work, unless someone has offered on their own, that's your responsibility or that of a paid vendor. Nobody is going to say no to a stressed out couple on their wedding day or before. Again, host what you can afford.

The job of every host is to consider their guests, including on their wedding day.

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This ^^^

It's not the job of the guests to tip any of the vendors.

Crowd-pleasing music selection is important. I don't like when the DJ/band playing only songs that no one knows. I was once at a wedding where the couple had studied abroad together in a foreign country and all the music was club songs from that country. Like it's cute for the couple but no one wants to dance to that.

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On the subject of music there's probably nothing much worse for many guests than music blaring at top volume, especially during the dinner hour. IMO you should be able to hold a conversation with the person next to you even when the DJ or band is playing.

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I was absolutely going to say the gap time, so I'm glad that's not just me!

I agree with you on the dressing with theme or color as well. To me, I love seeing everyone comfortable and in something they're proud to wear.. I feel like it's out of place to require only certain colors or themes.

While I don't love the receiving line because for larger weddings it takes forever, I love when couples visit tables; it feels more personal and I think that effort to say hello and talk with everyone goes a long way and shows how much you value people showing up to celebrate your day.

Gaps longer than driving distance between the venues. Especially when guests are from out of the area and it’s not a thing in their circles to go back to the hotel for any reason. Having a venue that requires you wait until a certain time to enter is a choice and they are not the default. Even receptions following a religious ceremony can be adjusted so there is no gap.


Not a fan of toasts. If you must have them, do them at the rehearsal dinner. Even the most well meaning toasts are uncomfortable to pay attention to.
Introductions at the beginning of the reception and too much talking from the dj. Guests know who the couple is because they were already announced at the ceremony. Not all dis need to talk all the time because guests are not clueless unless it’s a cultural event where a majority are not familiar with customs.
Only offering beer/wine and some niche cocktails that don’t appeal to a crowd. Not everyone likes those and there are often no other beverages available.
When the couple has a dessert buffet instead of cake and then only have a select amount of each item. If everyone decides that a specific dessert appeals to them, they have to be first come first serve, which many don’t feel right doing.
Digital stationery and registries with no physical options. Many people don’t consider these to be formal or appropriate for a wedding and people don’t take them seriously. We’ve attended weddings where we were among the only ones in attendance because the rest of the 100+ invitees were waiting for a paper invitation. Digital items get lost in cyberspace everyday but physical mail rarely does. Not everyone feels comfortable giving cash or honeymoon experiences over a website when they are more accustomed to a local chain store to buy from.
Not a fan of Spotify djs. What is great to listen to is not danceable. With a preset playlist, you are stuck if the music clears the floor, which a dj can remedy immediately.
Don’t ask guests to work. They don’t know what your vision is. It’s not an honor of any kind and they don’t get to sit down for any period of time to enjoy themselves. They don’t have vendors’ contact information.
Those are the main ones we have seen. The rest are not done in our circles.