Wedding dress (future mother in-law offered to purchase)

As always, it’s a personal choice. But for me, I refuse to have others pay for any part of our wedding. I find that it tends to gives that person a say in whatever they put money towards. We want our wedding our way! So, for me, that would be a no thank you.

I would be hesitant, especially since opinions on dresses and budget for dresses can vary so wildly. If she pays for it, she dictates your budget and gets a major say in what you end up purchasing. Only you can decide if you’re okay with that or not.

This depends entirely on your relationship with your FMIL.

If my MIL had said that, I'd jump on it - but she has been giving me clothes in my style for the holidays for a few years, now, and we have a good relationship. If you are that close to her, and can be honest about what you both like and dislike, and what the budget needs to be... then, yes, let her pay.

However, if you do not have a close relationship, or have a rocky one... I'd thank her politely, say you've got it covered, and redirect. If she insists she wants to pay for something, work with your FH to find something she can help cover (DJ, photographer, etc.).

Try to find out what power she thinks buying the dress gives her. If she only sets the budget, that's great! If there are, or if you think there will be in the future if you let her buy the dress, extract yourself from the situation as carefully as possible.

If you have a close relationship then go for it. If not I would be hesitant that she would hold it over your head

View Quoted Comment I agree with this, I personally do not want anyone else to chip in, because I would feel like I'd have to get their opinion or give them say on certain aspects of my wedding. It is such a personal decision though - some people just want to chip in to be nice and don't want to force you to go with their vision. If your future mother-in-law is willing to pay for the dress you want with no strings attached, it's totally up to you on whether you want to accept! Otherwise, if there are strings attached that you don't like, I would decline the offer.

That is a very personal decision and a lot depends on your relationship with her. Will you feel indebted to her for doing so? Will there be contingencies included in the purchase?

I can tell you personally, I really didn't and still don't want any kind of financial help contributions from my FILs. I don't want to feel indebted to them or have them make future remarks. That's me personally... I love them, respect them, but listen to the way they speak about money they give to people. That's not a position I want to be in.

I think if you're comfortable with it then yes you should let her. But if you feel like that gives her too much say in the style or don't agree with the budget or are uncomfortable for whatever other reason maybe you could just let her buy the veil instead.

I wouldn’t, because that makes her feel entitled, more than likely, to attend the shopping trip and give opinions. Unless of course, you are close with her. I just personally would not.

That's sweet of het! I, personally would not let my future MIL do that.

I would buy the dress you want, then tell her this is what I have already bought, if you would like to but money towards it would be great (she can reimburse you type thing) that way if it's more than what she wanted to spend she can cap it at that amount, and you paid the difference, and you get what you want: the dress of your dreams without her saying otherwise.

I agree with the others that it's a personal decision. If she is just going to give you the money and then you'd go out and pick any dress you want, that's one story... But if she wants to be involved in the choosing of the dress, then I probably would not take take her up on the offer, as nice as it is

As people have said, it is entirely dependent on your relationship with your fmil. For me, my mom surprised me by paying for my dress, and my fmil offered to pitch in as well if the dress I loved went over mine and my mom's budget. In the end she didn't have to, but they were both willing to let me 100% pick out whatever dress I wanted, even though they were paying. The dress I went with was one that they both thought was "Boring" xD

If she offers after you’ve picked it out, by all means let her contribute.
I thrumming it’s a very kind gesture, and if she’s not trying to control your choice of dress then why not?

I don’t know why my comment says “thrumming.” Think is what it should say. Autocorrect...🤣

View Quoted Comment I’m the same way where I don’t usually ask others to pay for the things I need, but at the same time it is part of my FH culture to have his parent make monetary contributions towards the wedding. I don’t want to offend anyone by saying no, but I also do not want people to feel as though they are obligated or have a say on how they think our wedding should be. I will need to discuss this with my FH.

View Quoted Comment When she offered I smiled and said that’s nice - thank you. We do have a great relationship. She has all sons and her daughter in-laws are like the daughters she’s always wanted. In other words every time she goes shopping she’s buying you some article of clothing that she thinks looks nice on you. I appreciate her offering - I just worry that she feels she has to pay since our wedding venue cost a pretty penny. At the same time I have expensive taste 😂 I think I will take everyone’s suggestions and let her pay the difference.

View Quoted Comment We have a pretty close relationship - she enjoys shopping and whenever shops she always buys me something 😂. I am having a multi day wedding so I may let her pay for that dress or pay it’s difference.

View Quoted Comment She’s not the type to intrude. If she’s offering it’s usually just to be nice. I just worry that she feels obligated when she shouldn’t have to. I also do not want her to feel like because my Fh and I have spent so much on our venue that I cannot afford a dress - and I just want him to make it clear. I appreciate the offer but in no way should she feel like she has to do it.

View Quoted Comment Lol happens to me all the time. I’m going to take your advice.