Wedding Day Blues

Oh, I'm sorry you are so disappointed, Natalie. For what it's worth, wedding nights rarely turn romantic and I've heard and seen more couples have nights like yours. Just like you, your partner was full of adrenalin, exhaustion, nerves, and anxiety. It's not easy co-hosting a wedding and you should give yourselves more slack because time goes so fast, and drinks hit harder when you don't even have time to eat. Essentially, neither of you can be everywhere and everything to everyone and to each other all at once.

As for others ... I know you feel embarrassed, but your husband's health is no one else's business. You and your husband have decided to be a team, so decide on your boundaries and protect each others' privacy. Don't answer any inquiries. Also, don't let anyone text or call you late night ever again. You're married now.

As for your planner, the phone thing would have put me through the roof. It is commendable that you did not let her ruin your evening. So don't let her ruin your memories of the evening now. In your debrief, voice all your disappointments and go over your contract to see if there were breaches. Once again, everyone else's opinion other than your spouse do not matter.

Talk with your husband before the honeymoon. If need be find a counselor who can help you communicate because resentment ruins relationships.

The wedding planner wasn't the best, but fortunately nothing too terrible happened because of her. Programs and sparklers are minor glitches and I'm sure your DJ was able to adjust and handle the last minute timeline change without anyone realizing there were issues. Telling guests to move out of the way was rude, but as you say few even noticed. The phone thing was unprofessional, no question. She also should have known better than to disturb you and your new husband if that's what you had planned ahead of time. I'd discuss a discount in your place.

Your husband's behavior was unfortunate and you have every right to be hurt, upset and annoyed that he went MIA with fraternity brothers and got so drunk that it ruined the rest of the night. It sounds as if this was out of character for him. I'd worry less about what other people saw and thought and more about talking to your husband about his drinking, trust, peer pressure, loyalties, and what he will do going forward to assure you that nothing like this will ever happen again.

With time, I hope you will be able to put this behind you.

I'm sorry to hear about all of the disappointments, that really sucks. For what it's worth, most people have things go wrong on the day with vendors/planners/etc. - it sucks, but it happens a lot.

As far as your husband goes, I would be really upset as well. You have every right to be. Given that this isn't common for him and he's usually a responsible drinker, I would assume he got carried away with all of the excitement and seeing old friends. That's not an excuse, but it sounds like he's apologetic and remorseful.

Continue to have talks with him about it but try to let yourself enjoy your honeymoon. This can allow you the romantic time you didn't get at your wedding.

I am also a perfectionist and want things to go the way i plan them, however that just doesn't happen.

To the incompetent Planner : Leave a brutally honest review anywhere you can regarding her services/business. Write her a letter and tell her all the ways she let you down. Don't expect a reply but at least you got all those issues out in the open with her. Maybe she will reflect on her work ethic and do better for herself.

To the husband, I'm truly sorry that you are un happy with how he held his booze on his wedding night. You do have to remember that he probably had seen a lot of his friends, relatives who he hadn't seen in a long time, not to mention he married you! so i'm sure he just wanted to celebrate! with a lot of different drinks. Mixing drinks and eating great food can upset your stomach if its not used to it! If hes truly the man you want to spend your life with you need to talk to him, express how you feel. Hopefully he validates your feelings and apologizes for letting you down.

To all the general issues towards your wedding : Nothing can go as planned. Mistakes happen. People forget. Accidents happen. Many things can cause disruption on the big day. The key is to not let it get to you, because in the big picture you need to remember what the day stands for, marrying your husband. Celebrating with loved ones. I'm sure there were highlights and happiness to your day. you're right and need to focus on those memories.

let the rest of it go.