Wedding advice as guest

IMO your husband ought to be saying sonething because not inviting you to the rehearsal dinner was beyond rude and it’s obvious their tacky rule only applies to you. Is this because they are upset you didn’t attend the shower?


I would not attend the reception if you are planning to leave after only an hour. It’s polite to stay through dessert. After all, they are paying for you to be there.
I would leave the question of a gift up to your H.

Wow. That thank you card was clearly sending you a message. Like why even bother sending a card like that? It’s very petty.
As a social unit, you and your husband should’ve been invited to all events like the rehearsal dinner. They are disrespecting your relationship while asking to celebrate theirs.
As a gift, I’m always a generous person. In this case, I would give the minimum. How about a punch bowl?

View Quoted Comment I was thinking i would just give enough to cover for me. We had some drama during my wedding but i thought everything was settled because I’ve been trying. I get i didn’t send much but it’s better than nothing. I got a very late invite to the shower, i was only given 2 weeks to rsvp

View Quoted Comment I was thinking $150 not much but everything that has transpired is ridicules especially when she’s 8 years older than me. I found out when i came back from my honeymoon that she tried getting my sister involved in the drama on my wedding day. Very toxic

I understand how you feel. I don’t really have a good relationship with my now SIL considering she said that I was going to be in her bridal party and then she turned around and asked someone else instead. If my mom wasn’t so involved, I wouldn’t have been invited to the rehearsal dinner at all (she hosted the dinner at her house, so she said I could come). My now fiancé and I only stayed at the reception till after dessert was served and then left. Her thank you notes were extremely late, I would say worse then what you got considering it just said “thank you” with my name next to it. I thought I wasn’t even getting one. My fiancé and I didn’t really give them much for a wedding day gift (we contributed a 100 dollar each to get them a washer and dryer) and for the bridal shower, I just got her nice salt and pepper grinders.


My advice is would be the same is what I ended up doing. Just stay for the food and dessert and just leave. I didn’t feel appreciated at all and just held my tongue and kept my distance. I say only chip in a couple hundred bucks, maybe just 100-150 to be nice and just leave it.

View Quoted Comment Sorry you’re having to deal with all of that negativity!
Your husband should be standing up to say this all is not acceptable

View Quoted Comment Thank you and i think he just is sick of the drama. I don’t want his relationship to be ruined with his brother

View Quoted Comment I see, that’s how i felt too. I thought i was never going to get a thank you card because it was over a month when i received it. Our wedding card from them was a smiley face and both names signed. I’m still thinking combined together we’re giving $150. It’s just a very big slap in the face to not be invited to the rehearsal dinner. The worse part about all of this is that she’s gotten the other brothers girlfriend involved. I’m getting the cold shoulder from her now. It’s just very upsetting

I would just give a card and a bottle of wine. I would not let my family treat my husband this way and vice versa.

Your first sentence answers your question. Decline the invitation without a gift and do not allow anyone, even relatives, to bully your choice. Cut contact with anyone who does bully and harass you because that is never acceptable. Getting married doesn’t give anyone the right to treat you like crap.


Traditionally, only those actively participating in the ceremony are invited to the rehearsal dinner, along with their significant others, so it is a huge faux pas and slap in the face to both you and your husband that you are not invited. Husband needs to stand his ground and say that if you are not allowed to attend, he will be dropping out as a groomsman. If your husband is hurt by how you are treated, he needs to side with you because you are a social unit as a married couple. By going along with his brother’s behavior, he is condoning their hostility and not respecting your relationship. It doesn’t matter that it is his brother, as this behavior is never acceptable from anyone. If he doesn’t fully support you in this and defend you but instead gives in to brother’s demands, that’s a red flag.
As far as a gift, it is always optional. Contrary to popular belief, the idea of $x per person doesn’t exist as it is not the guest’s responsibility to reimburse dinner costs, nor are you paying an entrance fee, which is what that equates to. Give what you can comfortably afford or don’t give anything if you prefer. Guests do have 12 months from the wedding day to give a gift if they decide, but a gift is never required. If someone says it is, they are misinformed.

It's really really rude that you're not invited to the RD. I would expect for your husband to have your back on that, because he's essentially allowing you to be disrespected. His family will continue to divide and conquer you two, since it seems to be working.

Gifts are optional, and you're not responsible for covering your plate at a wedding.

Don't go where you're not being respected. I would really think twice about attending the wedding in general. Even though they're family, you don't need their approval. You do however, need to have a spouse that demands respect for you.

That card is super rude. Send $50 and be done with them