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Just Said Yes January 2023

Want to have a small wedding, worried family will ruin our day

Emily, on September 16, 2021 at 12:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5
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My fiancé and I have been engaged for 2 years now, and we've decided to start planning as we'd like to get married in 2023. We decided we wanted something intimate, small and very casual and laid back. We found the perfect venue-an old rectory which is an amazing price, has accommodation for us and the guests, is licensed for wedding ceremonies (I'm not in the US, in my country a building has to be licensed by the local council for a wedding to legally take place there), right by the sea and allows us to self cater-we want a big bbq/grill. It sounds perfect, we want to have good food and just chill all evening, no big disco or anything like that. We want a small wedding, and we have no friends to invite so it'll probably be 25 people or under. However, I'm really worried that our families issues are going to ruin this.



To put it shortly, our families don't like each other. My family and his family get on fine, but within our families, they can't get along (if that makes sense, I didn't know how to explain lol). Both our parents are divorced and hate each other and there's other people in the family who hate each other. With the small amount of guests and the intimate nature of the wedding, I'm worried that this will be really awkward. I feel like it'll be like a school playground where everyone is sat round in groups which puts pressure on us as bride and groom because we don't know who to sit with. His mum will be alone too as the only people she'll know is her ex husband and his family.
I really don't know what to do because I want to have my dream wedding, but I don't want to be sitting awkwardly and feeling all the tension. I'm thinking maybe we could just invite a couple of other people, maybe ask our parents to invite some of their friends? It'll be extra money and I'd prefer not to have people who we don't know there, but it'll bulk it out a bit. Ughhhh what do I dooooooo???

5 Comments

Latest activity by Genna, on November 4, 2021 at 12:22 PM
  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    You said your family and his family get along with each other, could you mix them? Put his mom with your mom or some sort of combo? Or, if it's only 25 people is there an option to just do one really long table? I wouldn't add people just to have more people, that's just extra money and you want your closest friends and family there. The other thing you could do is give his mom a plus one and then she can choose who she brings, like a friend or relative.

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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I think it would be best to identify the truly toxic people that will make a scene, vs. those who can suck it up and be polite for a day. Then you may decide invite the latter category, but not the former. You only want people there who will truly support you and not put their own selfish drama above your happiness.
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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    I would do like a kings table type set up where you and your FH are at one end, have his mom sit by one of your parents and put his dad on the other end of the table and opposite side, then they're far enough apart that they're not feeling forced to be near each other and same with your family

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  • Jo
    WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
    Jo ·
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    Hey Emily, sorry to hear you already have to worry about family day-of drama.

    If you have a wedding coordinator they can help keep any fights to a minimum, and a relative on either side could be on the lookout to minimize drama (think of Donna's wedding in Parks and Rec). And I love Ashlee's idea about using long tables at your reception.

    How to Handle Wedding Guests Who Don't Get Along

    How to Make a Wedding Guest List

    How to Handle Wedding-Day Drama Like a Pro

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  • Genna
    Devoted October 2024
    Genna ·
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    I have the same issue in my family. Certain family members will not be invited to avoid the drama.

    I had drama when my daughter was born and I explained to the "fire starter" that it was a special day for me and that I didn't approve of the bickering back and forth. To make a long story short, the family member was not understanding. Since then, there has been multiple occurrences that have caused distance and tension between that family members and others connected with her. My sister and I are not meshing with them at all . My mom tries to play the peace maker and I'm sure she would like to include them but its not going to happen. I have decided on a stress free Micro wedding. My FH fully supports it. I say all this to say, do what you have to do to avoid the drama. Don't concern yourself with anyone else's feelings on your special day. Be polite but stay firm.

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