Vows prerecorded? Did you put any unique twists on your vows?

Could your officiant just announce that you two will be exchanging silent vows and listen to them? Or announce what's happening then continue speaking to fill the silence gap?


Otherwise what about during your first dance you two listen to them?

I wouldn't do this personally and your guests will probably wonder what is going on. Just repeat after the officiant if you are nervous.

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Thanks you may be right although even a repeat after me would have to be short! Public speaking is terrorizing for me :p

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Thanks maybe that could be a cute first dance moment

Depending on where you get married you might be required to say certain vows. We got married in PA and we wrote our own vows, but we still had to say the traditional vows as well in order to be legally married in PA. I personally think it would be odd if your officiant was just reading vows, but you weren't saying anything.

That does sound incredibly awkward if you both are up there listening to something only each of you can hear and reacting. If it's just that you want the space to share more intimate thoughts that aren't strictly vows, a good idea I've heard is to write down your thoughts in a card or letter or record a video that each of you read/watch before the first look. That way it's part of that quiet time between the two of you and you can have your genuine reactions without feeling embarrassed in front of a crowd or like you're holding up the ceremony. Also keep in mind, if you love someone enough to get married to them in front of your family and friends and be together forever, let that feeling of love give you the strength and confidence to say what you feel openly! Don't be embarrassed! But I do understand if you don't want that to be a part of your ceremony and keep it more private, I just wouldn't have that private moment in front of guests.

And yeah, like Veronica said, a lot of people confuse vows with giving a speech about love and feelings or something. It can be that, but mostly the vows are the somewhat legal-ish part of the marriage where you're asserting your commitment to the other person. It's the promises you're making and not so much the "You look gorgeous, I remember when we first met, I can't believe we made it, etc." thoughts. So you might not be able to get away with just having the officiant talk and not saying anything out loud... your officiant can just ask you questions and you can answer if you want. If you're doing a handfasting ceremony, your officiant can talk about how the colors of the cords relate to a particular value in marriage (like a color being related to trust or something) and then ask you a question (Do you promise to trust your partner?) in relation to that, and you can respond.

We just finished discussing this topic. Writing our own vows & saying them in front of everyone vs having the officiant speak. I’ve looked at some of our officiant’s previous recorded ceremonies & they’re beautiful. I can just picture myself stumbling over my words & trying not to cry! That doesn’t sounds very appealing!

View Quoted Comment Look I'm just going to say as a guest nothing is cuter than both bride and groom be stumbling blubbering mess of emotion while having their ceremony. It's sweet and adorable.


I (not so) secretly hope my FH cries when we so our vows. 😈

Thanks for all the interesting insights on this neat idea I had ladies!

This seems complicated and a little silly. I think it would be lovely if you guys did a first look and read your personal vows to each other. Then you could do generic ones in front of everyone during the ceremony.

I would just share your personal vows either in a letter to each other before the ceremony, or during your first look. I think having your guests watch you react to something that they won’t be hearing, would be a bit annoying and awkward for them. Then just do traditional repeat-after-me vows at the ceremony.