Video games

Also, his only thing I ask of him throughout the week is to take out the trash and clean the litter since I cannot. Which he never does either or he does and then leaves them on the balcony for a month

Ooof... I feel for you because I have struggled with this myself. First of all, no you're not in the wrong for being upset about this.

My fiancé also immediately goes to video games after work and likes to put cleaning off until I'm pushed over the edge. I like to just do things right away to get them done with and I think he's finally starting to understand that and is much better about doing things when I ask and getting them done before I get home.

It sounds like you've already brought this up with him before so I feel like you have a couple options. I think what I would do is try to explain to him (if you haven't already) that you both live in the house and you both contribute to any messes so you both are responsible for cleaning regularly. Remind him that you are only asking for his contribution for one day out of the week, he should be able to put off video games for 30 minutes to complete the tasks.

The other option is If it doesn't bother you too much and you can wait until he's done with his games then let him do it on his own schedule. But definitely don't help him on the one day he is suppose to clean.

I'm sorry if these aren't very helpful. After these options I would honestly look into some sort of mediator, such as a therapist, because it sounds like he isn't fully understanding where you are coming from.

View Quoted Comment This has been an issues we’ve struggled with the entire time we’ve lived together. We tried a chores chart and he got upset because it wasn’t fare that I did it all myself ( hoestly hysterical). Then it was that he was tired from his job. We have the same job except I’m doing it with a baby in me meaning I’m Also very very tired. I tried just letting it go and honestly when I’m sick for a week or 2 however long it takes me to get better nothing gets done. So the first day I feel good is me cleaning the entire house from a week of his food, drinks, dirty laundry, socks(we have a cat so she spreads his socks elsewhere in the house if he leaves them around for days). I tried a chores chart to help and he told me I was treating him like a child so kinda at a loss at this point. I’m pregnant so this just scares me for the future like the mess is just gonna get worse. I have OCD and I can’t take my meds because of the baby so trying to be patient cause it could definitely be me taking this out of proportion but idk. I have 3 rules no dishes left in the sink before bed (there’s definitely exceptions to this but it’s gross to me and we live in apartment where we can actually hear mice in the walls and we have a cat who cleans the dishes while we sleep with her tongue) no food or bottles left around the house and no clothes need to be put in the laundry bin. I even got him a drawer for his “halfway” clothes so when he’s not done wearing something but doesn’t want to put it in with the clean clothes he has a place.

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I completely understand and I do not think you are blowing this out of proportion. You're pregnant, not feeling well, and working just as hard as he is. It sounds like he is not being considerate of you at all. It sounds like you tried to make it very clear to him what bothers you and why it bothers you and he still isn't compromising. If you've already explained all of this to him and he can't even follow your 3 simple rules then I think next steps would be couples counseling. It sounds like it's not fully getting in his head why this is important to you and I think a professional may be able to help him understand.

It has literally taken me break down yelling and crying to get my fiancé to finally do things when I need them done. Which, honestly, probably wasn't the healthiest for either of us, but now we're in a great place.

View Quoted Comment This morning I tried talking to him about doing a different cleaning chart or couples counseling or just a moderator to help with the issue and honestly he turned it back on me saying I was blowing this out of proportion and then stopped talking to me so we’ll see I guess

My ex husband was the same way. I would go out of town and he would be surrounded by pizza boxes and soda cans and hadn't left his game. It ended up being the game ender.
Be vocal, communicate, tell him how much of a problem it is causing and how it makes you feel. Never stop telling him.

I may not give the best advice because my fiance is not a gamer I would sit down with him and explain that you need help cleaning and ask that he plays games on the weekends

My FH put a very different spin on the video gaming that I never thought of when I used to get angry with him for constantly playing video games. He likes to play because he plays with his friends and it's his release from the day, just his time to relax and take his mind off things. Once I understood that, we were able to sit down and have a conversation about the time he spent on it vs. time on me vs. time on cleaning up. So now we have a compromise that he plays video games after dinner, after the dishes are put away. And he usually doesn't start until 9 pm now. Of course everyone is different, but maybe try to talk to him about why he's playing so much? Instead of getting upset, maybe approach it with how you are feeling based on what you're doing vs. how he never does anything. I don't know that it'll help, but it's worth a try.

View Quoted Comment He plays because it’s a way for him to release from the days stress and that’s fine except I don’t get to. I have nothing that I get to do for fun except when I hang with my friend so when the day comes that we hang once a week and he completely makes it that I have to deep clean the house now when I get home makes me feel like crap. He has over and over again agreed that I am right about this not being okay and then goes back to the way it was after time.

Ugh. I wonder what a counselor or books suggest? A weekly “chores” list that each of you have and have to cross off? It’s absolutely not fair and he should be doing MORE than his fair share while you’re pregnant (and for some time while you’re recovering and taking care of a newborn). Does your insurance pay for a counselor? Or can you you both pay for it because this needs to be sorted out before the baby comes it you’ll be stressed out and exhausted! Maybe going to a counselor will motivate him to change. 🤗