Venting

Today my mom got spinal fusion surgery and we went to visit her in the hospital. As we are visiting her my husbands on his phone reading a book. I ask to speak to him outside her room because I find his behavior rude and say this to him when we are alone. We are here to visit not read, I don't do this to his family. We have visited his uncle in the hospital before and neither of us read, we focused on the visit. Well he tells my mom that he has a lot to do today (focus on his truck to get it ready to haul stone down to where they live to help then cover more of their driveway) and how he doesn't want to stay too long. Well later on in the evening I called my mom and she was a little hurt that he had said that to her. She told me my presence is more important than his, and she appreciates him visiting but wants me there. Well we continue to argue about what he did and he thinks I'm over reacting and nitpicking and he's tired of conforming for me. I told him people change their bad hurtful habits for the people they love and he's tired of changing because he can't. I told him that if his temper changed he's perfect for me. Well he tells me therapy isn't working and to find a good lawyer in a couple of months. I tell him calmly that sometimes people don't work out and that's okay, even if it hurts I'll let him go. I love him but we may be too different and I want someone with a similar temperament to me; and that he brings out the worst in me, and I'm not normally an angry person. It usually takes a lot to get me angry but he triggers the worse parts of me. And after talking to my therapist, I decided that during our next couples therapy session I want to tell my husband in a safe setting that I love him, and I want this to work. But if things are still this way by the end of the year, before we sign for a townhome and invest a lot of money into it, I want to reconsider and go our separate ways. I love him and always will, but I have to put me first and I'm tired of trying when we make it so far then it all falls apart. We agreed tonight that his anger will make or break this marriage. I walk on eggshells around him all the time and can't ever 100% fully tell him how I feel because of his temper. I can't live the rest of my life this way.