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Just Said Yes July 2023

Unresponsive wp member/bachelorette party

Beth, on May 17, 2023 at 1:27 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 10
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So when we got engaged, fiancés mom asked if I could ask his cousin to be a bridesmaid, said it would mean a lot to her. Family is very important to her, and she wanted to see a family member in the WP (theres not really anyone else on his side close to our age at all). thats the one wedding request shes made so we were happy to do it. cousin is nice, I wasn’t opposed to her being in the WP, but we’re not very close so my fiancé and I talked and he asked her to be a groomswoman instead. She seemed excited to be asked and agreed. A few months ago, MOH and i started to plan the bachelorette trip, i asked groomswoman if she wanted to come because fiance and i do not think she'd want to hang with the guys at his party, and i didnt want her to be left out of wedding party activities. At the time she seemed excited and said yes to coming along. i texted her about a month ago, with non-wedding related talk, happy easter/how are you/etc, no response. I start a bridal party group chat a few weeks later, asking who is still coming on the trip so we can get a headcount to figure out costs/help my MOH know how many people there are for reservations we might want to make. everyone responded but her. Do i do nothing? i dont really care if she comes or not, i know people have lives and she may simply just not want to go anymore, but i just want a simple yes or no. MOH mentioned if she RSVPs last minute we can "figure it out" but if its the week before, i wouldn't be thrilled about rearranging plans for someone who couldn't bother to answer in a timely manner…would it be terrible of me to say "sorry there's no room on the trip" at that point? I know this isnt a huge problem but i just feel like im in a weird situation…

10 Comments

Latest activity by Theresa, on May 20, 2023 at 1:36 PM
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    How frustrating. I would have the MOH send out a group text stating the deadline to RSVP for the bachelorette is X date, and give her until then to respond.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    It’s the party who is supposed to be involved in discussing budget and plans up front if they are the ones paying and hosting it, not the bride, though her preferences can be taken into account of course. When and where is the bachelorette party? Local or destination? How far ahead are you from the date?

    If I was presented with the idea of hosting a party which left costs and plans open ended I might hesitate to give a firm reply, too. Asking for a commitment too far in advance is not appropriate or realistic, either.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Just curious, how far out from the wedding are you? It’s suggested to not ask anyone before 6-8 months before the wedding because there is nothing they need to do and the wrong people (including those those who are included at someone else’s request/demands) being asked to participate only ends in heartache.


    What you are describing is a perfect example of why destination bachelorette weekend trips are not popular. There is no definitive plan or budget and many people cannot swing that without advance notice and firm details. All pre wedding parties are optional so you will look like the bad guy if you extended the invitation to her and then revoked it based on her valid hesitation. Reach out to her but make sure you have firm details and do not hold anything against her.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Beth ·
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    The trip is about 5 weeks away, not very far in advance if you ask me…it’s a 2 hour drive from where we all live. She knows the location and a general idea of the activities involved. I’m sure the bridal party would welcome her opinion, but it’s very hard to get someone’s opinion on costs and planning when they don’t even answer. I don’t think it’s right to have strangers (my MOH) start texting her when she won’t even respond to someone who’s (soon-to-be) a family member.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Beth ·
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    Again, we did have the dates and location planned a few months ago, so people could plan ahead. We’re just now getting to the more detailed planning. I have reached out, again, recently, with details, and no response. So I think I should just take that as a no. I’m not going to keep bombarding her if she doesn’t want to go, right?
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  • B
    Just Said Yes July 2023
    Beth ·
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    And since you asked, the wedding is 3 months away
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Ideally all plans should have been set in stone before she was contacted. Some people also have social anxiety and don’t feel comfortable attending events of people they are not close to. You made an attempt and she ignored you so leave it be.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    It's actually more appropriate that MOH call or text about a party in honor of you. I'd give her the number and have her contact the cousin. The heads up was fine, but a 5 week response is more than what's appropriate for a RSVP even for a wedding. Conflicts you can't always predict or avoid don't always come up any sooner. I agree this is one of the many issues with destination bachelorettes.

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    Well if you don't want to call her directly, and you don't care if she comes because she was an obligatory add, then you're making her answer a "no" by default and just looking for approval on this board. Like others state, the travel time and costs should have been presented up front so people can decline graciously. Cece's recommendation on having the host (MOH) put a final last call would end it.

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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    I think you might want to consider having your fiance call her to ask. He's the one she knows, she's technically on "his" side of the WP, and she may be more comfortable talking to him. It's possible that she realized after giving an excited Yes! that she doesn't really know any of you, doesn't want to go anymore, but doesn't know how to tell you that.

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