Unity Candle

In the few weddings I've seen where the couple did the unity candles, either the couple of the officiant lit the candles.

It sounds like a nice touch, but I've never seen the parents light the candles in a unity ceremony. I would do it yourself.

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Thank you! I think we are just going to light them ourselves.

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Thank you! I feel like it would add a nice touch. I have never been to a wedding where the Mothers light the candle stick a head of time. I think we are going to do it ourselves.

Mothers always light the unity candles. They just have to light them, other give a speech. I think I'd be upset if my kids cut me out of the ceremony without talking to me.

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We are in no way shape or form trying to cut them out. I mentioned that they are shy and want them to feel comfortable. That's why I was asking if it was necessary for them to light the candle. I personally never been to a ceremony where the Mothers lit the candles.

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Wow, I think this is an odd way to phrase this: "Mothers ALWAYS light the unity candles." That can't possibly be true (see all of the responses above you where that is not true. Just because it's the custom that you have seen doesn't make it universal. As for the second part, I think you should re-read the OP. They aren't considering "cutting out" the mothers out of malice. They are being mindful of the mothers' feelings.

Anyway, re. unity ceremonies, sure, people have opinions, but because there are no actual requirements, you are free to make your own choices that work the best for you and yours.

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Maggie thank you so much for the advice. It's greatly appreciated.

We did a unity candle. Our moms walked down the aisle just like they normally would except they went up to the alter and lit our candles really quickly. It wasn't a big attention building thing, most people were watching the other people walk down the alter. I liked the idea of our moms lighting it because for us, the unity candle was a religious ceremony of our families blending, so of course our moms had to light them. Perhaps you can have them light them before the ceremony starts and when there aren't many people there yet? Ours was in a church, so we didn't have to worry about wind or anything.

You can always light them yourself, but I feel like the true purpose of the candles is to have your families light them to signify your families becoming one.

View Quoted Comment There are also people who say mothers NEVER light the candles.
Obviously they do, as I've only seen it happen that way.
I was NOT suggesting they were being malicious, but I would suggest that they talk to their mothers before deciding. As it is something that is a tradition for several people and they may feel passed over. You might want to reread my response. Because you seem to have read it in a different tone than it was written in.

Not necessary! Our moms did but I know that they wanted to do it. You could have the best man/MOH light them instead or have the officiant do it.

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This is exactly how ours was! It was special to us to be able to honor our moms, especially since moms often get the short end of the stick in weddings (particularly the MOB).

View Quoted Comment Ah. I read this wrong. It's a tradition where we are to have the mothers do it. I was under the impression that this was the case with you as well. If it were, I'd suggest talking with them to make sure they didn't feel left out. Since it's not the norm where you are, I'm not sure why this is even a concern. It seems like they wont care if you skip it.

We will not be collaborating the unity candles in our ceremony. My grandma has told me it's the Mother of the bride and mother of the groom who lights them because it signifies the two families coming together... However, I don't think it HAS to be this way.

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Mandi: You still didn't read my post right and missing what I mentioned. but thank you for the advice

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Thank you! With both Mother's being shy we just want them to be comfortable.

I love when the mothers light it and I think it’s super sweet. I would at least ask them, maybe they wouldn’t mind since it’s an important day. But no they don’t have to. You could have them pre lit.

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Thank you Peggy!

We had our mothers light the candles. To make it easier, hubby helped his mom light his candle and my brother helped my mom light my candle so they weren’t up there by themselves and felt more comfortable. I was happy about it as my mom wasn’t comfortable with the idea at first and I also was able to include my brother this way.

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Thank you so much! This actually sounds like a great idea!