Torn Between Catholic Wedding and Outdoor Wedding

Sometimes a priest can come a bless a non-catholic marriage performed outside, but to me, if it means anything to you and a lot to them, have a Catholic ceremony.

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This may sound absolutely terrible, but it means way more to them than it does to me. With that said, their "approval" of my wedding plans means alot to me, and I know it could potentially put our relationship in jeopardy if we didn't have a Catholic mass.....I guess there may be no win-win here

Also people skipping out on your service would be really rude. The whole reason for the festivities is the marriage ceremony, religious or not. I find this idea that guests think they can opt out of the most important part if the day really rude and selfish.
We all on here agree it is rude to only invite guests to one or the other event but for some reasons guests get a double standard.

View Quoted Comment Sounds like you have already made your decision then!

Have you talked to your priest? When I talked to mine, he seemed very willing to accommodate (or try to) what ever we wanted. I asked about the process if we choose to get married on a cruise and he gave me 3 options , one of which get permission from the bishop to allow it with no church ceremony. Now, it sounds like that's what you parents find most important. I know of 2 people last fall that got married outside and had a catholic wedding. 1 from my church, 1 out of state. It never hurts to just ask what you options might be.

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That doesn't sound terrible at all! At the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding, and unless your parents are paying for everything, they don't really get a say. You're not going to please everyone, and this is your first (and hopefully only) wedding. You don't get this day back, so you should do what YOU want! Best of luck

Who is paying?

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I'm in the process of trying to schedule a time to talk with him! From what I've researched/read, there's almost no circumstance in the Roman Catholic church where something can be done outside of a church/chapel. The only circumstances where the bishop might allow it is if someone is dying or very ill and unable to make it to a church. I will definitely bring this up, though! Thank you!

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Ahh thank you

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They are paying for a small portion of the wedding. I understand that whoever pays dictates what will happen, but I'm trying to find a happy medium for everyone!

FH is Catholic and so we had to figure out something similar. It was very important to him to get married in a Catholic church but Catholic churches only have certain times that you can get married and it was hard to find one that would allow for a Friday wedding (we are getting married next Friday). When planning, our priest mentioned that we could get permission from the bishop to have the ceremony (blessing) outside of the church. He didn't like this plan probably similar to your parents. I hate that we have to have our ceremony separate from the reception but it means so much to him so we are making it happen. Your parents aren't the ones getting married though. Maybe a thing to do would be to meet with the priest with them and talk about your options. A big compromise we did decide on was to do mass without communion since my side isn't Catholic and couldn't take part. That'll cut down on how long the ceremony is.

Good luck!

Unfortunately, your parents don’t seem interested in a compromise. If you get married in a church, you will likely have a big gap between the ceremony and the reception, which is very common in Catholic weddings. I don’t mind it but some people do.

By the way, you can’t have 2 ceremonies for the same marriage so that wouldn’t have worked. I’m sorry that your parents seem to be holding this over your head. Why can’t some parents just believe and follow what they want for themselves and allow and respect their children enough to let them do what they want for themselves?

My parents are very Catholic and very involved in their church. I am not getting married in a Catholic church as my FH isn't religious (and I don't belong to a church where I live). My parents are disappointed I am sure but thankfully did not give me a hard time about it. I'm doing a few small things during my ceremony like having Catholic music played for the 30 minutes prior while people are seated. I chose a religious reading.... a couple of my cousins are singing a religious song during the ceremony. I'm doing a ring warming where guests pray over my rings (or just think good thoughts) as they are passed around.

I have been to an outdoor Mass before, although it wasn't a wedding Mass. The first step is to talk to your priest, and also ask if it is possible to get a dispensation from the bishop.

Failing that, maybe try talking to your parents more about having the sacramental wedding take place in the church with the big celebration outdoors? I know you said that they're opposed to that, but it seems to me that if you actually have a valid sacramental marriage concluded in the church then they have no cause for complaint--the rest is just aesthetic, and if you're paying then the aesthetics should be entirely up to you. I don't know if this helps or not, but best of luck!

Why are your parents so opposed to the private ceremony? If you can figure that out, you might be able to persuade them that it would work. A bride on here did just this, then had a beautiful second ceremony and reception the next day or a couple of days later. Pictures of both events were lovely.

If they really want a Catholic ceremony, and you do too, they should be able to see that a small, private ceremony and a big lavish ceremony truly accomplish the same thing. The same vows are said at both, the sacrament is at both and that's what is most important.

We had two friends get married a couple years ago, both come from strong Catholic families and still are Catholics themselves. They got married outside in CA (where they live) at a winery with a priest, he did perform a ceremony. Then they came back to CO (where they groom is from) and did a small ceremony in the church to please the groom's parents.

I know you alluded to this, but I had friends who did a small afternoon ceremony in the Catholic church with just immediate family, then had the normal ceremony with everyone in the evening. I'm not sure which was the legal ceremony, but it didn't matter. They pleased the grandparents, then got to have the ceremony they wanted.

Sorry you're dealing with this! The mountain setting sounds perfect.

I know this was posted a month ago, however I am new here and just began researching this matter, and completely relate to this!
To the OP: I am currently going through the same dilemma, however my wedding is 4 months away. I grew up Catholic, I come from a very strict Catholic family. My family is very close and my parents & grandmother have paid for most of our wedding so far. My fiancé is Methodist. My family adores my fiancé and my fiancé has said he is okay with whatever is important to me, and I have said the same. However, when we first got engaged, we both pictured an outdoor, modern, small, intimate ceremony. My family didn’t have much to say about it at first. We explored venues and after not being able to find a venue that would compromise a back up plan in case of weather, we somehow got talked into a Catholic wedding at my home church. The priest I discussed my concerns with knows my family well, and started our Pre Cana. We were basically under the impression during pre Cana that the ceremony would not be mass, but a service since communion won’t be distributed. When he talked more about it, we were truly under the impression it was a short interfaith ceremony and wouldn’t cause issue with fulfilling my sacrament. We actually met with him yesterday and found out that this wasn’t the case. Essentially the “service” is a mass without the communion. My fiancé has expressed hes uncomfortable and I am not satisfied either, knowing what I originally wanted. To compromise, we asked about personalizing a few touches to make it feel more personal to us (music, readings, writing our own vows) and were shut down. We left the meeting with him feeling very unhappy and that we didn’t make the right choice. Now we are currently stressing and trying to figure things out. Being a person who can’t stand when someone is upset with me, I am always looking for my parents’ approval. Researching this issue now, and scrambling 4 months before the wedding to get this resolved is a nightmare. So, my advice to you is this. When people say: “do what you desire for your wedding because it is about you and your fiancé” listen to them. Don’t try to please other people, even family, because in the end, there is no way to satisfy everyone. The most important part about this is the two of you and how you choose to celebrate. I wish you the best and hope you came to a conclusion!

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Because some parents are more concerned with the state of their children's souls.

View Quoted Comment To be quite frank, this is quite a disrespectful way of putting it considering that many adults move on later in life to other religions or their own spiritual paths. If you cannot respect someone—especially someone as close as an immediate family member—for not holding the same faith as you, then perhaps you are less concerned with the state of their soul and more concerned with controlling such a personal aspect of their life. Children are not children forever. It is important to respect that your sons and daughters are their own very unique individuals and with their own views and ideals. They are still individuals to be respected for their choices.