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Emily
Just Said Yes August 2022

To postpone wedding or not

Emily, on June 25, 2020 at 2:18 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 9
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So, this is going to be a long story. My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost a year, and we have been together for 8 years. Almost immediately after we got engaged, we decided on getting married in spring 2021. Two days ago, we toured a wedding venue and we both loved it! I absolutely fell in love with this venue. It was perfect and they had the date that I have been wanting! Score! Well, we have 5 days (3 now) to give the venue coordinator an answer/ deposit on the venue for our date. Otherwise we lose our date. My fiancé and I had a long discussion last night about the venue and plans and budget and just how we are both feeling about all of it. I do not want to let this venue and the perfect date slip through our hands. But he’s concerned about the money and said he “doesn’t know how much everything will cost and doesn’t want to put a deposit down without knowing how much of our budget should go to each part of our wedding.” He also wants to buy a house together soon too. I just feel like if we buy a House together before the wedding, all our savings will go to the down payment on the house. Then there will inevitability be things in the house that need fixing and furnishing it, which will take more money. I’m afraid that if we buy the house first, we’ll never get our wedding. We could always go to the courthouse and get married, but I wanted a real wedding. Now we are discussing if we should buy the house first and get married a few years from now or how we can make buying a house and planning a wedding all within the next year. I don’t know what to do. I am so ready to be married to him and I am kinda disappointed at the fact that our wedding might not happen next year now. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Thank you

9 Comments

Latest activity by Gina, on June 30, 2020 at 3:36 PM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think you guys need to talk about how much $ you're willing to put towards a wedding.

    and then see if that venue can work with it for the food and venue costs for x amount of guests.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    I think the first thing to do is plan out a complete wedding budget if you don't already have one. It's important for you both to understand how much it will cost upfront before committing to anything, and will help facilitate your decision. I agree with him that you should not make any deposits until you are both aligned on a potential wedding budget and the savings plan associated with it.

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  • Rebecca
    Devoted September 2021
    Rebecca ·
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    You definitely need to set a budget for both a wedding and a house and consider your savings and incomes before making the ultimate decision.


    My husband and I bought our new house in March. We are financially stable (and fortunately continue to be during the current state of the world) and had a good deal of savings. We ended up having to postpone our big wedding (we still had our small ceremony on our original date), but my mom is paying for the wedding. If we had been paying for both, buying the house and having the wedding I ultimately want would not have been an option. There are a ton of hidden costs when buying a house and things add up REALLY quickly! It’s also worthwhile to think about the stress of purchasing a home (and doing needed upgrades) while in the middle of wedding planning!
    Ultimately, I don’t think there’s one “right” answer. You’ll both have to look at what works best for you!
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Does the venue provide food? Do you have an idea of how many people you want? If you're doing dinner and open bar, estimate approximately $75 - $100 per person.

    Do the venue but go smaller guests that way your costs are lower from the start. Why didn't the venue provide you with estimates?

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  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    Thinking it might be to much for one year. We started looking at houses Dec. 2018 got engaged June 8 2019 and on June 16 2019 we finally got accepted on our house! We wanted July 2020 but because of the house we knew it would be to much $$ in a year so we moved our date to July 2021.. Figure out whats you want first. I have been with my fiance for 11 years and the house was a priority to us as we were still living at home and wanted to move out 2 years before and decided to save for a house. Life is expensive and you have the time in the world.

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  • Christina
    Devoted July 2020
    Christina ·
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    I agree with the PP. you definitely 100 percent needs to come up with a wedding budget. I would say stick with that budget. I totally get wanting to have a real wedding but with everything with this pandemic the venue should have more patience with you on making a decision on putting money down ! I would make your budget and then make a decision ! Good luck !!
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Definitely have a budget before putting down a deposit
    Have a Plan B in case covid is still around
    Don't buy a house together unless you're legally married. Otherwise you could be stuck on the mortgage without a way to get off IF things don't turn outIf a perfect wedding matters to you, then plan for it now so it doesn't get placed on a back burner because all your money is getting sucked into a house. I can see that turning into a huge source of resentment
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  • Emily
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Emily ·
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    Exactly! I don’t want to resent him or our house together when all our money is going to that and not us getting married. But I also would like to be married before we buy a house together
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  • Gina
    WeddingWire Administrator April 2021
    Gina ·
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    Hi Emily,

    I'm late to the conversation but I'm excited to hear what you decided!!

    Sending you lots of love!

    Smiley heart

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