Timelines for save the dates and invitations

The etiquette guidelines haven't changed. Keep in mind that Reddit and invitation companies are not usually the best arbiters of etiquette advice. Sending an invitation 3-4 months and expecting RSVPs 6-8 weeks ahead is problematic for several reasons, first of which is that many unavoidable conflicts are not known that far out. I know if I was expected to RSVP 6-8 weeks before a wedding right now I'd have to send our regrets. Too big a gap between when the invitations are sent and RSVPs are more likely to result in misplaced or forgotten RSVPs. Lastly, sending invitations earlier than is standard can risk being seen as overly competitive.

I personally agree that 6-8 weeks (2-2.5 months) is far too late to send wedding invitations.

Since I had a destination wedding in a neighboring state, I followed the advice a wedding planner gave me: If most of the guests are coming from out of state, send the save-the-dates as soon as possible. I sent my save-the-date magnets 1 year and 4 months early. I chose to have magnets made because they could be easily stuck to a fridge, and I would not have to try and excessively hound potential guests.

If your wedding is not a destination wedding, I think sending save-the-dates 7-8 weeks in advance is the general "sweet spot".

Now, I feel that wedding invitations should be sent 4-4.5 months in advance at minimum. I say minimum because guests who have health, financial, or employer/duty considerations should be given as much time and grace as possible. I had my invitations sent the first two weeks of April for my August wedding.

I set my RSVP deadline a month before my event, and guests who were attending needed to confirm their meal choices 2.5 weeks before the wedding.

Hello CM,
I feel that every wedding is different, and that sometimes sending save-the-dates, and invitations can vary, but the general deadline to respond is a month before the wedding.

In my book, a save-the-date consists of very brief wording to the effect of:

Save the Date Bride + Groom. Wedding date. Location/ Venue (Optional)

Invitations are typically more formal, have more information in terms of the hosts, the venue, the time, if any room blocks are available, and asking their guests if they will attend, and if so, what they would prefer as a meal.

For my destination wedding specifically, I asked my (original) planner when would be the best time to send save-the-dates versus invitations.

She suggested that because the wedding was a destination wedding where most of the invitees would travel across 3 states and/or had certain professional and personal matters to consider, the save-the-dates should be sent as soon as possible.

For some context, leave is hard to come by for military members and paramilitary organizations, because it must be accrued and/or approved. Leave can also be hard to come by if you are in the lower ranks of any job, civilian or not. Planning to travel for a destination wedding takes time, and some people have to plan their finances carefully if they are to attend.

I took in all of these factors for my guests. I know that this wasn't mentioned in my original response, but it was not simply for the convenience of my wedding planner.

With this in mind, I feel that the appropriate deadline to respond to any wedding is about one month prior to the date. This helps caterers plan in terms of quantity, it helps the hosts plan seating arrangements, and it helps planners with having a general idea for how long it might take to usher guests from one event on the timeline to the other.

My invitations were sent out in early April, and the deadline to respond was July 17th to work with the deadlines that my vendors needed.

Again, I personally do not feel that my wedding planner was simply interested in her own convenience. She was working with the wishes of both my fiancé (now husband) and I to maximize guest attendance, as well as our venue/caterer who needed time to prepare.