Sister may not come to wedding

I think you might want to take a step back and consider your feelings here. Having a baby is a huge huge deal, and that fact that it will be just a month before your wedding AND across many states? I would cut her some slack. I'm not sure why you would end the relationship with her because of this.

I said I understand the situation and I get having to fly with 3 kids. I was just at my dad’s tonight and I guess she flew in with a 3 week old baby last year. It really comes down to me always trying to be a good sister and her not putting in as much effort. Her husband has family close to us so they could help. It really comes down to her wanting to be there for me or not.

I think I would take a step back and re-evaluate your feelings/perspective on this.

1. Your sister will have just given birth, which is a huge deal physically, mentally and financially.

2. Attending your wedding means she would have to either travel with a 3-4 week old infant, or leave the infant behind with her spouse and travel alone (which I don't think many mothers would do, and I also don't think is fair to ask).

3. Will she be breastfeeding? If so, leaving the child won't be a viable option

4. She has 2 additional children that she would also have to travel with. Not only is that incredibly inconvenient, but also quite expensive (especially if they would need to fly). New babies are also incredibly expensive, so it may not be financially responsible for her to travel to attend a party.

On top of all this, you say the two of you aren't even close. I think this is a huge ask for a sister you are close to... let alone one you're not close to! I can't speak to the type of relationship you've had prior to this, but it sounds like your sister has good reason to be debating on whether she can make your event. I would reevaluate your expectations of your sister, and I definitely wouldn't end a relationship with her over this.

View Quoted Comment There’s actually a really big difference between flying three weeks before the due date versus with a three week old baby. Most doctors recommend not to fly that close to your due date, and some airlines have rules about not accepting you without a doctor’s approval after a certain point. It’s not an inconvenience issue, it’s a medical one. I don’t know many eight-month pregnant women who’d be willing to fly halfway across the country for even a very beloved relative’s wedding that they very much want to attend. I’d cut your sister slack on this one.

Ugh, why can’t we delete or edit posts?? I’m sorry, I just realized you said she’s having the baby a month before. I’d thought you said the wedding was a month before.


I’d still cut her slack, as flying with three kids including a very young one is really difficult. Have her previous pregnancies been late or C-section births? She might be worried she’ll still be recovering.

You're not supposed to fly with babies that age since they haven't had all their shots and are very vulnerable to illness. Regardless of what she IMO foolishly did last year, it's possible that it did not go so well or her husband or doctor advised her against it this time, as anyone with any common sense would. A mature person would learn from a mistake. Do you have any idea what is involved with having a one month old, let alone two older children on top of that? I am very close to my sister and can tell you right now there's no way I would have been able to attend her wedding under those circumstances.

I feel for you, OP, but I think your sis is choosing what's best for her and the baby and it's a right thing to do. Besides, I agree with other posters that it's a big ask for someone you're close to and you say you two aren't exactly close.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I understand what everyone is saying . I guess I was just in my feels for wanting to help for her wedding and being excluded in the process. I know she’ll do what’s right for her family. So far she hasn’t said anything about not coming. I really hope she does. I just want to feel like she cares about our relationship.

Not being able to attend your wedding does not necessarily mean that your sister doesn't care about you or that she doesn't want to support you. Like others said, the logistics of traveling across the country with three kids (one of which being a newborn) are very difficult. She may still be recovering from childbirth at the time of your wedding. She might not have the energy or finances to travel that distance. She might be advised to not travel with her newborn at that time (due to the newborn being at higher risk of getting sick). She might also be waiting until time gets closer before she decides. It's totally valid for you to feel disappointed that she might not be at your wedding, but I would give her some grace. Is it possible for you to live stream the ceremony (and maybe part of the reception) so she can attend virtually?

View Quoted Comment It’s totally okay to have feels about it, even when you know you’re being unreasonable. It can still hurt.

View Quoted Comment That is a great idea if that ends up happening

Bridesmaid roles are not reciprocal because each person has their own closest support group. You say you aren’t even close to begin with so that’s a lot of emotion for someone you have a relationship with to begin with. Would her lack of attendance really make or break your wedding the same as if she was your best friend? Plus it’s not advised to travel with babies that young due to potential health hazards.

View Quoted Comment When I say not that close I don’t mean we’re not sisters. We talk every so often, although it’s always me reaching out. We wish happy holidays and give gifts. We’re just not sisters who are best friends in our lives always. It’s not make or break cause I understand but I feel like there would be even less communication.

View Quoted Comment Why would there be even less communication? If that were to happen wouldn’t that be on you? I’m concerned you are projecting your feelings about the entire relationship onto a unique situation.

It’s okay to have strong feelings about this, but she cannot control when she’s having a baby. She also has no idea if there will be complications with her birth. For all anyone knows, she could end up needing surgery, or have a baby in the NICU for a month, or end up having a C-section which requires rest. I think it is wise on her part to wait and see what happens, for my part I would be waiting to see if I ended up having a premature birth or the final ultrasound showed any issues before I committed to a large part in a wedding. I don’t have my sister as my MOH either, we simply are not close enough. I reserved that spot for the person I am closest to. I’m sorry this is hurting your heart, but I’m sure it’s not an easy choice for her.