Should We Invite My Brother-in-law's Parents?

If you have to ask, then they aren’t important. Make a list of those whom you absolutely cannot imagine the day without. Those get invites along with significant others regardless of how long they have been together. Make a second list of obligatory people whom you would only invite to please other people. They do not get an invite. Based on your information, brother in law’s parents are on list 2 of the obligatory people.

Your wedding is not the only function you will host as a married couple. You can meet up with the uninvited groups at a different time, including family reunion picnics. Start a tradition.

I would invite them if you're wanting to have them do work for you for the wedding. Especially since you still have room on the guest list.

I don't think it's fair to invite them with the second agenda of them doing work for you. That's not authentic. You don't need to decide now, because your wedding is a year away. See how you feel in a couple of months.

We invited my sisters ex-fiancé’s parents. They would celebrate Christmas with us and we saw them at birthday celebrations. They’re nice people and thought they might enjoy it/being included, and they did.
I don’t think your BIL parents are necessary, but if you have some wiggle room with the guest list I think it would be nice to include them since they live close and you see them on occasion.
If my sister were getting married now I think it would be weird if she included my husbands parents since she doesn’t really have any interaction with them. I think she met them twice in 6 years. All that to say, I don’t think any decision you make is wrong. You should do what you feel is correct.

It is definitely not the norm to invite your siblings’ spouses’ parents. If you have a particularly close relationship with them, you’re certainly welcome to, but it wouldn’t be expected and isn’t offensive if you don’t.

I agree that you probably shouldn't invite them just because you want them to do woodworking for you... pay them for that instead. If you feel as though you are close enough to them that you truly want them there, then invite them. It's not bad if you don't.

We are paying for meals for my fiancé's BIL's parents at our wedding because they will be picking up our flower girl and ring bearer after our ceremony and pictures. Since we're not sure how long they'll need to stay for and we plan on allowing the kids to stay for dinner if they're up for it we figure the least we can do is feed them. Even with all of that, they're not technically invited to the wedding and wouldn't be there at all if not to be babysitters, and his mom is my seamstress.

In my culture, they would be considered family and get an invite. You may see your sister's in-laws at other events like home holiday parties. Should she and her husband have children, you may see the parents at baptisms and graduations, so it's not that you wouldn't see each other on family occasions. If you don't have budgetary or venue restrictions, consider them for your guest list especially if you are requesting something special (and not just free) via their workmanship. They may offer to gift you an arch, or require a contract. Or they may even decline your invite. You don't yet know and still have time to see if a relationship even develops.

I would only invite if them if *you* have a personal relationship with them not because you want a nice gift.

Families all operate differently of course, but I'm used to seeing siblings' in-laws at events at those siblings' houses, but not expecting or expected to invite those in-laws to my events.

Have you already asked for their help with the arch? I wouldn't invite and then ask to help. Conversely if you're only inviting because you want their help, skip the invite and ask as a normal "vendor" with payment and contract.

I think it really depends on the level you feel your relationship is at, but if you're asking and questioning it, I think that should already give you your answer.

Thanks all for your comments!

A few more details - we're not just "looking for a gift" from them or trying to hire them or even close to the reason we'd be inviting them. My sister and brother in law offered to help us with some wood working (arch and/or cornhole board) with us providing all the materials. I went above and beyond to help my sister with their wedding (and provided the photo booth for them), so this is kind of their way of trying to help us. My BIL is still learning and would be asking his dad for help with the projects. At this time we haven't talked to his parents/asked them for help, etc.

I'll keep thinking on it - we had celebrated Thanksgiving together a few times but this was all pre-covid. They also happily invited my fiancé (who was only my boyfriend at the time). I feel like as the years go on we get a little bit more distant (if that makes sense).

I don't think you need to invite them, but I do think it would be rude to ask them to do something to help you with the wedding and not invite them.

However, if they are offering, then building an arch or other item for you is a gift and it should not be expected that you provide an invite in exchange. Since you are inviting your BIL, and the gift is from him (with help from his dad) I think its okay to not extend the invitation to his parents. It is a bonding experience for your BIL working with his dad, and your BIL's parents just want to give you something because that's what some people do. When gifts are concerned, no one should ever be keeping score.

I would create a ranked guest list of all the people you would consider inviting and include them on there. Then, when you decide on your budget, venue, or size, invite accordingly. If you end up having a 60 person intimate wedding and they aren't on your list that is fine, but if they are ranked #90 and #91 and you have a 100 guest wedding you extend an invite. The actual invitations go out about 2 months before your wedding so you really don't have to make a final decision until then. If over the course of planning you feel like you are growing closer to them again, you can always decide to include them then.