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Mary
Beginner May 2024

Should i kick out my sister in-law?

Mary, on January 4, 2024 at 2:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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Im to sure how to start this off. I'm from an abusive family. Mainly from my older sister and my mother and dad is just a sweetheart. Well my sister in-law (sil) asked me about bridemaids and information about that. I spoke to her brother (future husband) and told him about it he has explain to me that she's a lot like my sister. (My sister and I don't get a long at all she has done somethings in my life that isn't really humanly right.) Well with my sister I can grin and bare her. With sil she will show her a** once she doesn't get her way. She also can't drive! The bridal party will be getting ready at the moh house. That's not a problem with anyone else only with sil. Everyone the night before the wedding is going to spend the night. A couple of days ago I ask.and updated her. She wants me to pick her the day of the wedding and drive her to moh house to take pictures. That's not really a problem but I can't do that. 1 I won't have my car moh will be using the car to drive everyone to the church. 2 I'm going to be really busy I got to help 3 people get ready and also get myself ready. So it's not reau possible for me to drive her. I've offered her to spend the night with us but she's not having. Also the color of the dress is the only thing that I'm asking for (royal blue) I'm getting married in a church so I want them to be "modest" like don't show to much skin mainly the top and bottom. The dresses she sent me shows everything except for one. (I'm going to attach the dress she picked and number them) she wanted to wear dress 1 and I suggested dress 3 and explained why 1 and 2 was not going to work. She's the only one that I'm have a problem with. I'm not to sure what to do but I've told my party that I'm going to put her in some sweat paints and a big t-shirt if she shows up in a dress I've explained that isn't going to work.
I explained that the dresses won't work and she got upset. So I'm kinda thinking about kicking her out of the wedding or at least show her that what she wants to happen is not going to work out. (I'm also on a very tight budget when I can't really get a ride or anything)
Dress 1 Should i kick out my sister in-law? 1
dress 2Should i kick out my sister in-law? 2
Dress 3Should i kick out my sister in-law? 3
Edited by WeddingWire

12 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on January 13, 2024 at 11:09 PM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Kicking out a family member is likely to be a disaster. Imagine family dinner from now until eternity with her glaring at you. I'd do whatever you can to fix this.

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  • S
    Rockstar June 2030
    Skylar ·
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    Maybe suggest other dresses that are similar to the ones she sent you, but more modest? Check Azazie, I know they have a similar royal blue color (and their dresses are fairly affordable and you can try them on from home)
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  • S
    Rockstar June 2030
    Skylar ·
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    More that might work:

    https://www.azazie.com/products/azazie-leonia-royal-blue-a-line-long-sleeve-chiffon-floor-length-bridesmaid-dress/216634
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Being that you already included her I would not kick her out on this basis. That will only cause the kind of drama you definitely don’t need when it comes to in laws. I’d act sympathetic to her transportation issue but stand firm that it won’t be possible on the day. You’re sorry but she’ll either have to find her own way to MOH’s or meet you all at the venue dressed and ready. The dress needs to be church appropriate. IMO none of those are as shown. If she wants to step down then let that be her call, not yours.
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  • Mary
    Beginner May 2024
    Mary ·
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    Thank you for the links. I like the dresses.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Mariah ·
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    I have a similar family as well. I say do t kick her out but, put your foot down. Tell her you have two options. First option is to stay overnight. Second option is to find your own ride. Those are the only two options. I also believe you should pick out two dresses to give her as options and tell her to pick from one of them.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Mariah ·
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    * don’t kick her out
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  • A
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Anita ·
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    I honestly would not kick her out. Explain to her why this form of dress would be inappropriate for the location of your ceremony. But if she is still instant on wearing those styles then you have to set boundaries. You are spending the rest of your life with his side of the family. Is there a compromise with other dresses? If not, I would resend her the dress options and let her know you can select from the ones you sent and not to deviate. If she still ignores what you say let know that I cannot allow you to walk if my wishes are not respected. This conversation is more about boundaries and respect.

    As for transportation, can she take an Uber? I do not believe that nothing is stopping her from staying over your house other than her not getting what she wants.

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  • Tessa G.
    Just Said Yes April 2024
    Tessa G. ·
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    Sorry you're having to go through this. Just let her know that you would really appreciate it if she wore the third dress. If she disagrees again, just let her know that unfortunately she won't be able to participate in the bridal party and remind her that it is ultimately to your discretion (not hers). If she complains about that, I would speak to your partner and let him know that you've tried your best to reason with her and unfortunately you cannot come to a resolution. Good luck, I am sending you all the positive vibes that this pans out.

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  • S
    Rockstar June 2030
    Skylar ·
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    Happy to help!
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  • S
    Rockstar June 2030
    Skylar ·
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    An Uber could work! Or maybe fiance (her brother) would be willing to pick her up?
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    To clarify, based on your first sentence: is the person/people involved in this situation part of the abusive family you are describing? If they are, there is no reason why abuse should ever be condoned and swept under the rug, especially at a wedding where emotions are at their peak and true colors come out.


    Even if there is no abuse with this particular person, and the abuse you mentioned is with someone else entirely, there is a problematic trend/tradition to include people you have no relationship with as bridesmaids/groomsmen who are supposed to be the most supportive closest people of the couple, especially when they are siblings or in laws, thinking that this will create a bond that was never present before and it backfires to make the nonexistent relationship worse than when they started. It sounds like that is happening here. I’m going to go against the crowd and say that if you didn’t have a relationship with this person before and you barely get along, then it doesn’t make sense to keep her as a bridesmaid if she is causing that much stress to you by going against your wishes. Moving forward, by not having her as a bridesmaid, you aren’t in any worse position than before you asked her to be a bridesmaid.
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