Should i invite my toxic mom?

If you'd use the word "toxic" to describe someone, that someone (regardless of their relationship to you) should not be invited to your wedding.

It depends on if you still want to have her in your life post-wedding. I totally get the toxic mom thing. I don't have a relationship with my mother, at all, and I haven't seen or spoken to her since 2012, and my fiance has never met her or any of her side of the family, therefore, she's not invited to our wedding, and I haven't involved her in the planning process.

However, it could potentially cause more drama to not have her there, and might completely finish off your relationship by not inviting her. It really depends on how you think she might take it,

Your wedding day should be about you and FH. If your mom makes you feel on edge and uncomfortable, then don't invite her. At the end of the day, do what is going to make YOU happy.

It is ultimately up to you. When my mom was alive, she was a very toxic person to the point where I had to cut her out of my life completely. Your mom sounds exactly like how my mom was with the exception of my mom being a narcotic addict rather than alcoholic.

In my opinion, it isn't worth the added stress or anxiety to have her at your wedding. If it will cause you way more stress than joy to have her there (which it sounds like is the case), I wouldn't invite her.

When I got married first time, I invited my father. He wasn’t part of the wedding, no walking down aisle, etc. He sent rsvp late and made a rude comment on it too. If you think you’ll have regrets if you don’t, then invite her. As a guest. Nothing more, nothing less.

NO.

Don't do it!

As someone with a similar toxic mother, I did invite her, because I wanted her side of the family to come.

Things my mother did: ignored my email asking for family addresses and my father's mother's jewelry (they are divorced) for nearly a month.

Spoke to me after I got engaged, texted with me when I bought a dress a week later, and then, literally, did not call me/text me/reach out to me of her own accord until *I called her* for her birthday 5 months later.

Dodged questions about the jewelry for SIX MONTHS, making me think she had sold it all.

Offered to find a cake (sight unseen and untasted) from by her, and drive it, 60 miles, in August heat, for the wedding, when I expressed the *mildest* frustration with pricing. She implied I would pay.

Tried to horn in on shower planning, when my BP not only had it, they also knew to keep her out.

Ignored my INSISTENCE that she not get me clothing, then bought lingerie and gave it at the *coed* wedding shower.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand then she RSVP'd no online after she got the invites, never called, never emailed, never texted, apparently because she was upset with the wording on the invitation (it did not include her name), manipulated my entire family into declining/ignoring the wedding, and has been cut out of my life since 3 weeks before the wedding.

Use me as your lesson.

I will say this: IT WAS GLORIOUS. Not having her there? So much less stress, so much less pain and anxiety.

Also, I'm super sorry she's like that, it's awful, particularly with our culture's emphasis on the mother-daughter bond. *internet stranger hugs*

You used the word toxic. I would say no!

I wouldn't invite her, but regardless I wouldn't make the decision until a week or so before your wedding. And if you do invite her, consider hiring security.

Nah, no need to invite her. My older brother is also a bit toxic and I didn't even bother. I think he knows I'm getting married, but even then, he didn't call to congratulate me or anything so I feel pretty justified in not inviting him.

It's your day. She's proven time and time again that she's unreliable. Enjoy yourself and don't worry about her any more.

I would think hard and long at the lasting effects this one day decision COULD have on your family and any future children. Mothers are HUMANS too. They do not walk on water. Have you told your mom why she isn't invited? Given her the opportunity to make amends? If you think she will behave at the wedding then I would invite her as a guest. This ;is a momentous event in your life and you will not be one on one with her, you will be surrounded by both families. You can cut her out of the wedding pics but not paste her in. Lots of teenagers and mothers grown apart during early adulthood. That does not mean she doesn't love you .

On the other hand, if you truly do not want a relationship in the future, don't invite her. Maybe get some therapy to give you tools that allow for a happier future and stability. You can't blame mom for everything.

Best wishes