She doesn’t want to take my name

Calling it off for this reason seems extremely drastic to me. I can understand her reasoning. She probably feels that her last name is last connection to her father.

She gave you a very good reason for her to keep her maiden name. Did you give her a reason why you wanted her to change it that wasn't just purely emotional?

I know it’s probably upsetting to hear that, and I know for a fact that my future husband would be crushed if I told him I wasn’t going to take his last name. But it is actually a lot more common now for women to keep their maiden names or hyphenate. If she’s still upset about her fathers passing, maybe you need to talk to her and explain why you would love it if she takes your name after you are married. If you’re thinking of calling off your wedding for this reason alone, it doesn’t seem completely reasonable. I’ve thought about keeping my maiden name, as there are no men on my dad’s side of the family to carry on our last name and that’s kind of sad to think about. In the end, it’s your future wife’s decision to make. But like I said, I would sit down and talk to her about it more and let her know why it’s upsetting you so much. Maybe you can even talk of hyphenating. Best of luck!

It’s very common for brides to keep their maiden names nowadays. It’s not a personal insult to you, and it isn’t a reason to call off the marriage.

You could take her name!! Problem solved.

I definitely don't think it's worth cancelling the wedding but I do see how you're upset. I've never ever considered not taking my fiances last name, but it is very common nowadays. Just take a deep breath and realize you're getting married for so many other reasons

I think you're being super extra and jumping the gun wanting to call the whole thing off because she doesn't want your last name. Could she hyphenate? I'm sure it was hard for her to talk about this with you, so you should be more understanding of her logic and where she's coming from.

Agree with above- is there a reason why you can’t take her name? Why is it so important to you that she takes your name? Serious question. Just because it’s tradition? Lots of women keep their names today, I’m personally still undecided. But if this is that important that you’re considering calling off the wedding because of it, why wasn’t this discussed sooner? Like when you first got engaged, or better, prior to getting engaged? I would think that people lay their dealbreakers out before deciding to get married...

I do not have a reason like your future wife to keep my own name, I still want to. My FH was very upset at first, but has come to terms with it. I have offered to hyphenate, and will go by his name socially but my name professionally.

I really think is is drastic to call off your wedding due to her making a choice to not change her name. In the end, that is her and only her decision. If you call off the wedding (only a week ahead of time) for this reason, she will likely be very hurt and it could damage your relationship forever if not end it. While you are allowed to be hurt/upset by her decisions, you are being very insensitive to her very important reason to wanting to keep her name.

View Quoted Comment Okay it’s the fact that I am the only one in my family that can carry on my last name, and something inside me feels very uneasy about not sharing a name with my wife

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Lots of women keep their names for various reason. Rather than jumping right to ultimatums I would speak with her about the issue, - maybe their is a compromise if hyphenating your last names together. Also if you have any children you could compromise by agreeing they will have your last name (and so carry the tradition on)

There is no issue with her wanting to keep her last name IMO. Lots of people choose this path for varying reasons but if you were taken aback by the idea you should ahve a reasonable conversation about it and your option rather than jumping to my way or the highway.

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I agree with hyphenating.

I'm either hyphenating, or moving my maiden to my middle and dropping my middle name. I've discussed all this with FH, even if I wanted to keep my maiden name, it's, in my opinion not worth calling off the wedding. That is such a ridiculous reason to call it off. My FH is the last in his family with his last name. My son from a previous relationship has my maiden name, so i'd like to keep that in some way.

I understand why she wants to keep her name, but honestly thinking of calling off the wedding over such a minute thing is sad. I don't understand why you'd feel uneasy about not having the same last names... you're till going to be married, and partners. Her not changing her name doesn’t mean she isn’t ready to get married... do you want her to not be ready? Do you want to call off the wedding. To me this is such a ridiculous to call off and end a relationship over.

If FH gave me an ultimatum about changing my name, then there would be a discussion if this was worth working out.

View Quoted Comment I said I thought about it calling it off, not that I ever would, we had agreed to hyphenating 6 months ago, and now that it’s almost wedding time she’s getting scared. Her reasoning for this is completely justified, but I also feel completely justified in my reasoning. I feel as if she’s not ready to change her name then how can I be sure that she’s even ready to start a life with me

I kept my married name when I divorced and won't be taking a new name. My fiancé would have no problem taking my name if it'd been my maiden name. He could take my married name but that's a little odd to me.

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Giving up your name is a very personal thing. You carry that with you for such a huge part of your life that it can hard to give it up. I don't think that has anything to do with wanting to make a commitment and start a life together and its kind of insulting toward your fiance to indicate that her not being ready to give up such a huge part of her identity meaning she isn;t serious about you is very insulting IMO

View Quoted Comment If you are having that many doubts and hung up on something so trivial then maybe calling it off is the best thing.

Changing names=/= getting married

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I 100% agree...

View Quoted Comment So how does she know that you’re even ready to start your life with her? You won’t change your name to hers so how can she know you’re actually committed? See how ridiculous that sounds when you turn it around? What does the man have to do to show his commitment to his wife? Your last names have no bearing on what kind of relationship or marriage you have. This is her personal decision just as your name is yours. You have your reasons for not changing your name just the same as her. What makes your reason different or more valid?

I don't think you are being reasonable about this. Would you feel the same way if you were the one forced to make the decision to change your last name? It is not easy to make this decision and her decision has nothing to do about her love or commitment to you. After all, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet." (Romeo & Juliet, Act II, Scene II)