I am torn about whether or not to allow one of my bridesmaids for a new boyfriend she started dating 4 months before our wedding. Under different circumstances, I think I might be more inclined to allow her the plus one as she is in the wedding party. However, the friendship has changed since I asked her a year ago to be a bridesmaid and she has made little effort to maintain the friendship or help with planning a very low key, local bachelorette party (her only job in the wedding). She has cited some health issues and school not going well for why she is unable to participate in much. Her reasons are partly true and valid, however, it seems she has more time than she lets on. She is frequently (a 4 hour drive about 1-2 times a month) back in town going out to our old college bars with other friends and been to visit her mom out of state several times in the last 3 months. She told me she won't be able to attend the bridal shower because next month will be the first time she's been able to visit her mom in over a year. She makes no mention of being in town when she is here. I am only aware of these travels because she posts about her trips on social media. When I had to change my wedding date, she said she wasn't sure she could come anymore due to it being her brother's birthday. There was no party or trip planned for this occasion. I have expressed that I am a little disappointed that she isn't very involved, but I've tried to be understanding as I was under the impression that she had very little time for anything other than graduate school. I also never expected my wedding to be a top priority for anyone. However, I am annoyed at how she has made it seem as though her sole focus is school and her health and she has no time for anything else when that is clearly not the case. Our guest list is already quite squeezed and generally anyone with a plus one has been dating for over a year, is engaged, or married. I anticipate this friendship will likely fizzle out after the wedding. I do not want to be unkind, but I'm wondering if it would be ok to politely say there just isn't room for a new plus one on our guest list even though she is in the wedding party?
TLDR Bridesmaid is not participating in many of the wedding events and planning a very low key, local bachelorette party. She also makes no effort to maintain much of a friendship. She has cited some health issues and focusing on school for why she can't come to events or help plan, but she has a lot of time to travel and come back into town to visit other friends. She makes no mention of these trips to me and makes no effort to catch up when she is in town. Is it rude to say she can't bring her new boyfriend of 4 months to the wedding? Most guests with plus ones have been dating for a year, are engaged, or married?
