rsvp Rant....

Your RSVP date was really early. It's typically two - three weeks before the wedding. People may be having a hard time RSVPing because they are waiting for work schedules and to make sure their calendar is clear to attend your wedding.

View Quoted Comment The rsvp due date is typically/traditionally 4 weeks before the wedding. Which is plenty of time considering that traditionally/typically the invitations are sent no earlier than 8 weeks and no later than 6 weeks. For many people, they can’t commit before 4 weeks because employers may not finalize schedules earlier. No one needs information earlier than that outside of a save the date that is given by phone call/word of mouth/or a magnet in the mail that won’t get lost 6-12 months before the wedding, and an invitation sent earlier than 8 weeks (and due earlier than 4 weeks) will be lost and forgotten. In addition to people feeling like you are the hunt for seat fillers and would rather not be invited if they are. The 2-3 week deadline you are talking about is when caterers want the final headcount so they can properly order enough food for everyone. That means that as the host, you start calling people the day of the reply due date to find out if they are attending and you don’t hang up until they confirm yes or no. If they don’t respond to the rsvp card promptly, they absolutely will not call you back when you leave a message to do so. If someone doesn’t respond when you call, mark them as a no and then move on. That entire process should not take longer than 2-3 days at most.

I agree that the date was set a bit too early and that many unavoidable conflicts cannot be known more than a month ahead. In reality many caterers don't need absolute final headcount until the week of, but a reply date of a month ahead of time still gives you plenty of time to do seating charts, escort cards, finalize the number of centerpieces etc.

In your place I would give people until then to give a firm answer. While you can request that people do the online Rsvp for your convenience, a verbal reply is a reply. There is no need to retaliate or turn people away at the door because they didn't click your button. Not everyone is internet savvy for one thing. I would, however, follow up with anyone who gave a verbal reply some time ago.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this.


So many people use the argument that “everyone is internet savvy and there’s no excuse in day and age so per invites/replies or replies via phone or word of mouth won’t be accepted” and that’s not courteous or kind to loved ones if the couple wants them in attendance. Lots of couples don’t have a wedding website with online only rsvps because they know their guests won’t read or utilize it, and it’s doesn’t matter that “it’s free to set up so why wouldn’t you go to the effort?” as the rest of the argument goes. Age is irrelevant because even a number of younger people don’t know how to use all modern technology and its quirks nor do they want to learn and that is okay. Great if it works for some couples and their guests but many don’t find that to be a convenience. That shouldn’t ever mean that guests are punished for not meeting an arbitrary “rule” that is not universal and doesn’t apply to actual etiquette of making sure that social interactions not uncomfortable or inconvenient.

I understand your frustration. Hang in there. You are so close to the finish line. And I don't think you are a bridezilla. Best wishes.

View Quoted Comment I'm trying thanks for the encouragement