Rehearsal dinner

Are you in the actual wedding? Like taking part? If not, I'm not sure why you would be included in the RD.

Typically, only members of the wedding party are invited to the rehearsal dinner. If you (or your spouse) are a member of the wedding party, you should be included in the rehearsal dinner. If neither of you are wedding party members, I would just assume no. Some couples choose to invite out of state guests to the rehearsal dinner, but this isn’t a common or expected practice. If you have not been directly invited, I would just assume you are not.

Unless you are participating in the ceremony as bridesmaids or groomsmen, you likely will not receive an invitation to the rehearsal dinner. Some couples are skipping the rehearsal dinner completely and either doing a welcome party for all guests or skipping that as well, though some type of hosted party does need to follow the rehearsal. Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner invites were sent via word of mouth either via phone call or in person, but the current generation views that form of communication as not valid in favor of websites and emails that have many more complications. When the invitations are sent depends on the couple. If everyone is invited to a welcome party that replaces a rehearsal dinner, then many couples will send information in the wedding invitation because they want to save postage. Prior generations issued them separately from the wedding invitation with no problems. If you have already received the wedding invitation and there is no mention of a welcome party and you are not a bridesmaid/groomsman, work with the information that you are not on the rehearsal dinner guest list.

View Quoted Comment
Traditionally, mass mailed save the date cards were not considered appropriate or polite because they were seen as overly competitive. As you say, any heads up was done individually, or maybe in the context of a personal letter. Now, with families so spread out they are more or less seen as a necessary evil, so that invitation and response timelines can remain the same.

While it is definitely not obligatory to invite beyond the wedding party, immediate family, officiant and their partners, inviting all out of towners to a rehearsal dinner has become very common in some circles/demographics so I disagree there. We are frequently invited to rehearsal dinners when traveling. If so, you will likely receive a separate invitation. Sometimes the invitation is on the wedding website or emailed.

As for timing, they are typically sent shortly after the wedding invitation but we've seen a range in terms of the exact timeline.

You should get either an insert with the wedding invitation or a separate invitation around the same time. OOT guests aren’t automatically included in a rehearsal dinner, so it will just depend on what the bride and groom want to do here.