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Expert November 2019

Regrets

Nona, on March 25, 2019 at 5:41 PM Posted in Planning 0 35

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Warning long post and pretty much me just ranting since I can’t talk to anyone about it.. ugh

I’m having major regrets on a lot of things..
1 is my dress and how much I paid for it even though I set a $3000 budget but that’s if I didn’t find anything in the $1500 range (which I did but the other one I just couldn’t get out of my head)
2 is just having a destination wedding, didn’t realize how much I am going to be paying for (me just being naive).
3 is one of my bridesmaids wanted to be in the wedding and pretty much made herself a bridesmaids without me even asking and now that I’m in the process of trying to find HMUA for us all, and both of them were good with paying for their own. But now that I found a HMUA one of them is like well I gotta think about it.
Im just so frustrated with it all. We didn’t want a wedding party to be begin with, but then the one made herself one and then my best friend I couldn’t leave out since my other friend made herself one.
Im to the point where I am wanting to cancel the whole thing and just elope.. BUT then I would feel guilty because the girls already bought their dresses, shoes and jewelry and plus I already spent a lot of money on deposits that I wouldn’t get back...
Anyone else having regrets??

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35 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on March 27, 2019 at 8:36 AM

VIP May 2019
Mandy · on March 25, 2019 at 5:49 PM
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Are you able to exchange your dress for the one you really want? Are you able to take the dress you bought and make it "more" by adding more detail, some beadwork, a belt, etc to make it more what you want?
All weddings are expensive, no matter where you have them.
Unless you are requiring them to look a certain way, I would just not schedule the one for hair/makeup. Or tell her it's fine if she needs to think about it but you need to know by X date whether she will be doing her own or if she will be using your vendors.
Take a deep breath. Take a break from wedding planning and even talking about weddings for a bit. Take everything that happens with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, as long as you are married to the man of your dreams the rest is just details.
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Super May 2019
Mrs. · on March 25, 2019 at 6:01 PM
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Not necessarily regrets, but I definitely would prefer to just elope than spend all this money and time on planning the wedding. But we already spent so much money on the wedding, so we're going to have to go through with it. I'm regretting the flower choices I made a little bit though. I already purchased fake flowers and arranged them and I'm not 100% happy but I'll live with it.
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Dedicated May 2019
alicia · on March 25, 2019 at 6:05 PM
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I totally understand your frustrations! I myself am having dress and venue regrets.

Advice for the cost of the destination wedding: go through your contracts extremely thoroughly. I saved myself $2500 on favors by going through my contract line by line.
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June 2019
Angela · on March 25, 2019 at 6:13 PM
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I can relate on the dress. But there's always ways to alerate dresses. I'm the most indecisive person so when I said yes to the dress, I immediately panicked the day after. But I called the bridal shop and they are going to add/take away things to make it more of what I want.
I have to agree with Mandy, all weddings are expensive. If it makes you feel any better- my fiance and I are up to $80K on our wedding which is way more than we expected but neither of us have been married before so we didn't realize how much adds up.

On the makeup artist- I'm having all of my bridesmaid get them done by the makeup artist I chose and let them know I didn't want their faces washed out in my photos so it's just something they have to accept if they want to be in it. As soon as I pointed that makeup for pictures is different than everyday makeup they got in board since it made sense.

You're not the only one feeling this way, all of us brides are so you're not alone! It's perfectly normal!
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 6:38 PM
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No I can’t return the dress at all. They won’t allow it. My dress I have now it’s absolutely beautiful and I love it, it’s jusg I wished I didn’t spend what I did.
No im not having them look a certain way, she was fine with paying for herself until this lady that I’m talking to now charges ($75 for hair, $75 for makeup) the other one I wanted was already booked and she charged $65 for hair $60 for makeup, so it’s only $25 more. I don’t see a huge deal in that .
I am marring the man of my dreams and my best friend. So I’m absolutely happy with that. He’s ok with what all is going on, he says he will do whatever to make me happy for this wedding but I’m regretting some already.
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VIP June 2019
Danielle K · on March 25, 2019 at 6:39 PM
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I absolutely understand regrets.
1. I have had dress regret twice. Thankfully I found the one I wanted but I ended up spending twice as much as I wanted and have a dress I can't seem to sell
2. We settled on our venue now I can't stand it, they are costing us so Mich more money and stress but we can't afford to switch
3. We switched DJs and now I wish we didn't. Even though we made the right decision, we lost a $200 deposit and doubled our music budget.
4. We are coming up a little short financially and now I'm affraid I am going to have the worst anxiety until it is all over. I hope I can just relax and enjoy myself the day of
5. This is the biggest. I let my parents talk me into inviting most of my dads extended family (about 90 people of our 150 guest count.)
Of I hadnt we would be able to afford to go all out but now we are barely going to be able to afford everything. Its just really frustrating especially because no one is helping us pay.
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 6:39 PM
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Yeah, I understand completely!!
Best wishes to rest of planning!
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 6:41 PM
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We are getting married in a square in Savannah, and just having dinner with everyone afterwards. So there’s really no venue for it. It’s a very small wedding, no more than 30 people are invited and I doubt all them will show up anyways.
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 7:07 PM
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Geez, that’s a lot of money. This is not our first time being married. But we just wanted small, so we thought we could get away with no more than $6000... nope not happening. But I guess it is what it is. No stopping it now. Just gotta watch what we do from here on out.
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 7:10 PM
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All we are doing is a small ceremony and dinner with our guests. It’s not our first time being married so we didn’t want to go all out on it. But I guess since the first time I got married I didn’t pay for it my parents did and I really didn’t have a set budget back then, I just didn’t realize the cost of things till it started adding up now. Lol but we are just like you, we are paying for it ourselves and plus maintain our normal life. Yeah I will be taking a step back from all this because if I don’t, I will have a mental breakdown. I feel it coming.
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Devoted October 2019
Sunny · on March 25, 2019 at 7:23 PM
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We decided to cancel everything this weekend and are opting for a simple ceremony followed by dinner. We are both so relieved instantly and looking forward to having the budget allocated to a down payment on a house! We’re only losing $700 but worth it it the long run when we’ll be celebrating how we originally wanted to AND can finally buy a home! Save the dates are out but we have a beautifully worded card we’re sending our letting everyone know the even is no longer happening. Those closest 20 people will be notified separately what the new plan winds up being. I just released the social guilt and am embracing our future! It feels amazing!
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Master May 2020
Tara · on March 25, 2019 at 7:25 PM
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No, none for me me. I’m having a microwedding (20 guests max). No wedding/bridal party, no reception. Simply going out to brunch after the wedding.
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Dedicated May 2019
Rosa · on March 25, 2019 at 7:38 PM
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Answer is super YES! Lol! 40 days for the big day and I will say I did exactly similar things to you as far as the dress, bridesmaid count and also the “destination” wedding. Now I don’t know how far in advance your wedding is but I would say let’s try to go with the flow . I can’t change anything at this point and I’m just pushing through . I’m hoping by the end of it all I will have a gorgeous wedding weekend to remember . Keep pushing through and for things you could potentially address and change look into it no matter how a vendor may feel .
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Devoted October 2019
Sunny · on March 25, 2019 at 7:42 PM
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Omg typos, excuse 🙈
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 25, 2019 at 8:16 PM
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Thank you for your kind words. I’m still pretty far out, 249 days to be exact. I’m just gonna take a step back and get my mind back right, because it’s affecting me all day/night.
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Devoted August 2021
· on March 25, 2019 at 8:42 PM
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Don’t be so hard on yourself, I’m sure if people stopped to overthink all the little details they’d also second guess themselves. It all adds up, it’s not your fault. Think of places where you can save, or omit certain things entirely. At the end of day, just think about the big picture and how happy you’ll be once you’re finally married. Best of luck!
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Dedicated November 2019
Fia · on March 26, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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OMG. I can completely relate to how you're feeling.
#1 Dress regret is Real. I had a full blown panic attack the day after i said yes to the 1st dress. Then I found the dress I'm wearing for the wedding...Blew my wedding dress budget out of the water but it was the only dress I had any true emotional reaction to. But it doesnt mean I don't think about all the money I just forked out on it.
#2. Our venue. It's my 2nd choice venue. And I keep thinking about my #1 pick and how beautiful it would be to marry there...but our venue I agreed on is a better option since they only host one event a day. (So no other weddings or parties)
#3 My FH didnt realize how much detail goes into a wedding. He honestly thought that once we picked a venue and hired a photographer, and I picked a dress. That was all a wedding entailed....don't ask me why he thinks this as he's been in at least 3 weddings.
#4 I keep contemplating on losing all the money I've spent to just stop it all or elope. I feel like I'm ready to walk away from it all at times. When I get to this point, I just stop wedding stuff.
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 26, 2019 at 7:05 AM
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I have thought about this multiple times but I would be out a lot more than that. So I’m just taking a step back to get my head back right again. I’ve been so stressed I’m making myself sick and my face is breaking out like a teenage child! Ugh!
Good luck to you and your FH on a house! That’s exciting!
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Expert November 2019
Nona · on March 26, 2019 at 7:08 AM
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Yes I have thought about canceling it all and eloping as well! Multiple times! But I just cant justify losing over $1300 ! So the show will go on. I’m just taking a step back from the wedding planning and will pick it back up when I feel I am ok. I’m just glad I’m not the only one who thinks this way! Even though this is my second wedding (my 1st one I was younger and i didn’t have a budget because my parents paid for it all) but this one is all on me and my FH and we are trying to save up for a down payment on a house! Being an adult is stressful lol!
Good luck with all you have left!
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Expert August 2019
Susan · on March 26, 2019 at 7:36 AM
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I think some of your feelings are completely normal!

Dress regret is a real thing - I LOVE my dress but every day I think I should have gone to other bridal stores or chose a different silhouette. I adore our venue but we chose it when it was just going to be us two for an elopement and then I changed my mind - so I doubt I would have chosen it for a larger wedding
I had no idea how much everything was going to add up. This is our second wedding - but my first was st the JOP with a 25$ dress and his first was elaborate and in the church completely paid for by his ex wife’s family. We are doing this alone and have already doubled the budget.

When I start to feel overwhelmed, I take a couple of days off and regroup.
The good thing is that you still have plenty of time, so I would probably give it a break for a while and focus on other things.
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