Post Wedding Regrets

I thought rain was good luck?

I also had an outdoor wedding and it ended up raining all day. In the end, it didn't make the day any less special. I had a tent so everything was fine and everyone still had a good time. Don't let stuff like that bother you, it's not worth the stress. If you weren't happy with a vendor you should bring that to their attention. It's one day, don't let that stress you out after it's all said and done.

You literally can't change anything that has already happened. I would give myself 1 day to dwell on it in my sorrows (with wine) and then snap out of it. Stop. It's in the past.

I am here to encourage but not because of similar issues.

It's sad to think your day was ruined for any reason. It's a shame your DJ and DOC let you down.

But the rain? Were you hoping to control that?

One month later, are you and your DH happy with each other? Because that is the best thing that comes out of a wedding!

If it makes you feel any better, I'm accident prone and will probably break my arm or nose on my wedding day! Cheer up buttercup!

I had the same experience. For about a month after I was so disappointed with the things that went wrong. I literally sat up at night devastated. I had so much trouble hiding it in our honeymoon. Our main issue was that DH got wasted, ruining a ton of photos by making stupid gestures, his shirt not being tucked in, his eyes not being open, and saying fuck two times during the cake cutting speech.

My biggest fear was not only that he made us look stupid but that all my photos were ruined.

I've gotten back a handful of photos. Only one that I'm like oh shit that's what I thought they would all look like.

I'll post it just to make you feel better.

The feedback I got from everyone was that it was an amazing time. With a large amount of highly intoxicated guests. I guess that's just our crowd. So DH fit in great lol.

No joking, I am not 100% over it.

But my pics are beautiful, everyone had a good time and I rarely think about it.

Time heals all! Hang in there and soon all you will remember is that you got married and what a fun time it was!

Post wedding blues are a very real thing. it happens because there is so much buzz and activity and so much special attention yhat suddenly stops.

look at what you're mentally doing... you focused on the day up to your day and now, after the day, you're focus is still back in the day.

try to remember the POINT of the day and not focus on the negative parts that you feel were "wrong". it's a mental exercise but you gotta try to bring up a good point about your future whenever your mind travels to a negative point on your wedding day. Keep doing this until you stop focusing on the negative, and start focusing on your future. its brain retraining. For example, "it really sucks that it rained on my wedding day but I can't wait for our first dinner party because I'm going to set the table with my new dishes." "it really bothered when the DJ did xyz but wow, this Christmas is gonna be so amazing! I hope it snows"

retrain your thinking to focus FORWARD.

and congrats lady!! happy newlywed year!

Be the kind of person who can laugh at stuff like that. It's just one day.

I don't have many regrets from the day except there are some pics that I wanted to get but I know we didn't get them. Even though I haven't received the pro pics back yet I know I will be slightly disappointed when I do. But I am slightly depressed knowing that it's over.

I think sometimes people get too caught up in the wedding instead of the marriage.

I hope you are able to move past this soon.

I never thought I could control the rain, I know that was the risk I was running. Plan B was still beautiful, it just wasn't what I dreamt about for months. All the last minute changes with the weather also caused a lot of complications and stress. My dress was covered in mud by the end of the night and despite paying almost $200 to get it clean, it's still discolored in certain areas. It's hard to think of rain as "good luck" when things go that way.

Thanks for the comments though...they are helping. My DH and I are certainly happy with each other!

Sorry you're feeling this way. I'll admit I have a fear of that too, that all the planning and things I envision will fall flat or not turn out the way I hope. I'm happy with FH and obviously want to be married above anything superficial, but I totally get wanting the day to feel magical and exciting, and being able to remember it as such.

I can tell you, that my best friend recently got married and a LOT of things went wrong. She confided in me later that she was actually super pissed that day, but it never showed. After her awesome honeymoon and a few weeks later, she said she was slowly beginning to forget all the things she was upset about and the memories of the good things started to take over.

So, hopefully time and some perspective will help!

I got married during hurricane Matthew. It didn't all go as planned, but we are married and thats what matters! My mother-in-law was also messed up on pills when she arrived to our wedding and left several hours early. It could always be worse. I'm sure your day was beautiful!

My wedding day was recent...there were several things that went wrong. The whole process of getting ready was so stressful and not what I envisioned for such a special day. My caterer was WAY late and was not up to par at all. The DJ couldn't find our first dance song and had to come pull me aside to ask me what it was and then we waited awkwardly on the dance floor for several minutes for it to start. All that aside, it was the happiest day of our lives and we are still feeling the bliss.

I think we as brides fixate too much on a perfect day (we have TV shows and Pinterest to thank for that), but the truth is that most weddings have hiccups and nerve racking mini-disasters. There's nothing you can do to change it, so just try to focus on the great things and cherish the joyful moments you shared with your loved ones.

Congratulations on your marriage :-)

Ladies, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one that feels this way and has been ruminating! I was feeling a little ridiculous before now. It helps to hear some other horror stories and put things into perspective. I will definitely try some of those mental tricks and just let time heal everything. We are having a house warming party soon so I will set my mind on that! Maybe this is all "post wedding blues" like you said and a normal part of the process.

Another thing I've noticed is that all these bridal ads keep popping up on my computer! I keep seeing these "perfect" pictures and being reminded that my day was not so perfect. Maybe I should stay off of media for awhile.

Thanks for hearing me out and letting me vent!

Maybe work on planning something else to take your mind off of it? Perhaps your next vacation. Or a new house project.

Hello all,

I've been struggling with ruminating and getting myself in a right panic thinking about all the things that went wrong and about how I didn’t actually feel happy on the day. It sounds bratty but I didn’t feel special and I didn’t have a nice time.

I also feel terrible guilt for not feeling happy because my parents had given me money for the day and all my friends had travelled 500+ miles to attend.

I have no one to talk to about this. Everyone dismisses it immediately and thinks if they just tell me to “stop it” and “snap out of it”, or even “grow up” then these thoughts will go away (spoiler - they don’t!).

I have struggled to sleep every night since the big day. I think about it all the time. People are always asking me about it and I just have to lie or dumb it down because I feel stupid and I don’t know how to eloquently express how I feel (maybe you can tell in this post)!!

I’m so relieved that other people have had similar experiences and reading some of the entries above have really made me feel less alone.

I’m genuinely considering counselling to try and get over it. Does anyone else have any other suggestions? I’d really appreciate anything from other people who have been in the same position

We had also planned (and longed for) an outdoor wedding....we were forced inside by high winds and heavy rain but knew that it was always a possibility. Given our venue, we were ok with the indoor option, and it ended up working well for us. We were bummed that we couldn't get more photos outside, but we did take a few in between showers and with cute umbrellas. As you said yourself, you are married in the end and that is all that matters! Maybe on your one year anniversary you can take some outdoor pictures wearing your dress and reaffirming your love for each other!

I can completely relate to the weeding day disappointment! So many things went wrong at my wedding this past weekend. Firstly my husband and I have two children (ages 1 and 4) for months I had planned for two our attendees to help with the kids (it was a destination wedding in Key West. In lieu of their help we paid for the hotel stay for 3 nights (let's just say not cheap for 3 nights in April) to say they dropped the ball would be an understatement. Basically helped only when it was convenient for them and even on our wedding night the kids slept in our room (all though I specifically said for them to coordinate the kids sleeping arrangements) it was so disappointing ZERO romance. Even though we're in disbelief at how they did not stop up to help with the kids- we had to get up the next day and put on a happy face for all of our out of town guests. Aside from that disappointment - photographer did not bring list of shots so I emailed him and gave little to know direction- super disappointing since I stalked him on Instagram forever and he has so many creative photos but I felt like we just repeated the same pose in different areas. Lastly the dinner was so badly delayed our guests were hungry and bored (we opted for upscale dinner in lieu of traditional reception- as we only had 20 guests) we sat for 40 minutes before they even brought bread. We had transportation scheduled to take us and guests back to hotel at 9:45. Restaurant was reserved from 7:45-9:45, my cake was brought out at 9:40 and only because I kept tell long them to hurry up. Husband had planned beautiful speech to do when the cake was served but we were so pressed for time he was busy paying the bill. We didn't even have time to get the remaining cake boxed up. (We could have probably pushed back transportation, but we also Childcare and a pet sitter to worry about- didn't want to leave my own wedding dinner to coordinate all that. All in All I can think of very few happy moments from my day- but I accept it's just that a day and we have a whole life to make new memories! Thanks to those brave enough to share their not so perfect day - and don't let anyone make you feel bad for feeling the way you do!

View Quoted Comment Hi Camilla,

I feel the same way! Our wedding was last week and I am having trouble not being angry about my friends and family not helping at all. Which resulted in certain things not going as planned and me feeling terrible the entire day leading up to the wedding. It’s exactly like you say, there’s immediate guilt attached with the disappointment. I just told my husband (first time I’m writing that!) that I feel like I need therapy or something because I just can’t get over it and the feeling seems to grow daily.

My story is different than most- my vendors and coordinators did just fine, and it was my maid of honor (big sister/best friend), bridesmaids, and parents that really dropped the ball. I didn’t feel special or important and my well being was never put first. And this is what is upsetting me more than anything. If the people closest to me don’t care about me on my wedding day, when will they? I’ve actually questioned continuing working with my sister.

I’m jewish and my mom went to the store the morning of the wedding to get roses and a glass (for stepping on to end the Jewish wedding ceremony). She remembered the roses but never put the glass in my bridal bag or even in the room where we all were getting ready, so there was a long weird awkward pause at the most important part of the ceremony- right before the groom and I kiss! The groom is supposed to step on the glass and then we kiss. we looked for the glass, but alas there was none. I’d been looking forward to that my whole life it’s the most basic tradition in Jewish weddings.

We included a hand fasting ceremony as well to honor the grooms culture, and my sister (maid of honor) was responsible for the hand fasting chord like the best man is responsible for the rings. She calls me yesterday asking me whatever happened to the hand fasting chord? So that’s lost, a major symbol of our union that was meant to be kept forever. My veil is also gone even though it was taken to the bridal suite supposedly. I was told that my mom and bridesmaids would pack everything up and for the newlyweds to just head out, so that’s what we did. Big mistake apparently. I told my mom that the veil and hand fasting chord were gone and she said “oh well stuff happens”. That’s normally my mentality, just not about important keepsakes from my wedding.

There were many incidents including table decor- I brought moss and dried lavender to put on the dinner tables and I showed a bridesmaid how to do one table, but the rest of the ones she did looks horrible. She even said she ran out of moss but then we had to throw away bags of it that she didn’t use.

That was the basic theme for my wedding day, if my hand wasn’t directly on it it didn’t get done, didn’t look the way I wanted, or is lost forever.

I've tried expressing myself calmly to those who dropped the ball but it’s most unsatisfying as you mentioned. No one takes responsibility for anything and they just want you to be happy about your wedding day, when it’s like if you cared about me being happy then you would have cared on my wedding day!

I wish I had suggestions to help get over this, but I’m in the same boat so hopefully just reading this will make you feel better. At least you’re not alone.

Also, to anyone else responding, please don’t tell me I’m overreacting etc. I’ve noticed some negative comments on this thread and granted they were from 2016 lol but we should all be supportive of each other. If you don’t have anything helpful to add then please don’t respond.