Hello everyone! My DH and I got married January of this year, and I was just wondering if anyone had some advice on how to deal with negative feelings post wedding. Specifically with parents (my mom) and their opinions.
This will be a lengthy post, so please hang in there with me, and I appreciate any advice!
To begin, my mother lives in Illinois, while my DH and I live in Georgia. We had everything pre-wedding, as well as our wedding in Georgia since the majority of DH's family and our friends reside there as well. I understood that my mother wouldn't be able to attend much pre-wedding events due to COVID restrictions and her distance from us. No problem. I included her as much as I could without her being there.
Fast forward to the week of our wedding: She lets me know that my uncle's wife decided she and their child will not be attending since they haven't been able to get their boosters yet (both are fully vaccinated). I understood and was respectful of their decision, but also upset because that meant only 2 people from my family would be there. My mother then got angry when she sent us her and my uncle's flight times, and rental car pickup times, which were scheduled during the week, and times that we have work. DH and I both work in the medical field, so we're unable to leave work without much notice. She didn't check with us before booking everything, and had expected us to take the entire week of our wedding off to be able to pick them up, get the rental car, but also expected us to let them both stay in our apartment (we live in a 2 bed with our guest room being used for wedding storage at that time).
Wedding Weekend: My mother and uncle arrived an hour late to the rehearsal dinner (which was a block away from the hotel we all stayed at). We waited until they got there to eat, and she got mad saying I was acting embarrassed that they were so late (I hadn't done anything but call to make sure they were on the way and okay). We had a meet & greet at the hotel afterwards for our out of town guests and family. My uncle went straight to his hotel room and my mom told me I needed to call him and beg him to come down and be with everyone. He's in his 30's, and I politely told her that I hoped he would be there, but it's his decision. She got angry with me and told me DH and I were being inconsiderate and rude to not include him.
Wedding Day: She didn't engage much with anyone in the bridal suite, and kept taking photos of herself and was immersed in her phone. I had my maid of honor help me get ready since my mom wanted first look photos with me. I also had my uncle walk my mom down the aisle so that he could also be included in the ceremony, and we had him and her sitting up front by us at the family tables. I also had a mother/daughter dance. My mother came up to me at 7:30 (wedding ended at 10:30), and said she and my uncle were ready to go and would see us in the morning.
Post Wedding: My mother told me how she and my uncle felt excluded and disrespected at our wedding. She was angry because we didn't purchase the raw footage from our videographer, and that my uncle was in hardly any of the videos we had. She then said the same thing about wedding photos (we've only received sneak peaks and I have explained this to her multiple times). She demanded we purchase the raw footage, and also download and send her all of the videos we have. I'm unable to do that because the files are too large to send, so I sent her the website link and instructions on how to download them herself...which she also was angry about. I then found out that she had her friends take photos during our ceremony, when we had an unplugged ceremony, and when I asked her about it she tried to make it a personal issue saying DH and I were attacking her and her friends only. We also learned that our photographer, videographer, AND coordinator told her friends multiple times to put their phones away, and they still took them out, which made us very upset to hear.
I guess I'm just at a loss right now on what to do. My mother is the type of person that can't function well on her own and thrives off of people giving her attention, especially me. But I emotionally and mentally cannot handle being her support anymore. I've suggested she go to therapy, but she then took it as me saying she was crazy. I'm upset because I wanted my wedding to be a fun and enjoyable experience, but now when I get asked about it or think about it, I can only think about how much she's angry at me and DH and everything she's said to us.
