Politely decline personalized gifts- keeping my name

Did you already sent out your invites?

This is a bummer that you have to deal with this. It's so unfortunate that people still assume, in 2021, that women will be changing their name. And this present is trying to change your name well in advance of your wedding! *sigh*

Anyway, I don't know that I would send out a blanket message as a way to avoid personalized gifts for several reasons. The ones who REALLY need to hear the message probably will ignore it, and it might seem a little presumptuous to assume you are going to get tons of gifts (I don't mean that you are presumptuous, but this message could easily come across this way).

I definitely think you can and should bring it up with people you talk to regularly (not in the context of gifts but just as a life decision). And ask your inner circle to spread the word if it comes up. But for any people in your life you don't regularly communicate with (whether or not you plan on inviting them to the wedding), there's not really a good way of making this type of announce *before* your wedding.

I feel for you. I hope you don't get too many useless things.

Edited to add: for this particular gift (and any others like it that arrive), I think it's reasonable to thank the gifter and then just say something like, "Maybe you hadn't heard, but I don't plan on changing my name." And then DO NOT feel obligated to display the gift.

I have a somewhat similar issue. There are some people that, when sending something in the mail to me and my fiance, they address it to "The Future Mr & Mrs [fiance's last name]". I am not taking his last name, though I haven't bothered to correct them, since they aren't doing it maliciously. I can't think of a good way to say "please no personalized gifts", though if the topic of your wedding comes up in conversation, you could find a way to mention that you're not taking his name. For example, "We're so excited to be married soon! Even though I decided not to change my name, I still can't wait to call him my husband."

I made a note page on my wedding website that discussed my choice about my name. We are only accepting RSVPs through the site (except for a few of the most elderly in our family), so it’s difficult to miss. However, I don’t mind being referred to as “The [lastnames]s” when referred to as a couple, as long as when being individually addressed I am called my own name, and I say as much in the note. If you make some sort of announcement about your name plans, hopefully most will get the hint even if you don’t explicitly mention gifts.

You don’t. It’s considered impolite to decline gifts. Send a prompt thank you note with your maiden name as part of the return address, and if you truly don’t want something, donate it to Goodwill or a local shelter who will be happy to take it.

My husband and I both changed our names. I put something in the FAQ questions portion of our website. I can’t say anyone looked at it though.

Meh. I think its pretty rude for people to assume that a bride will automatically take on her husband's name when married. It is so outdated.

I would continue to use your name on all of your correspondences, including return address labels and signatures on thank you cards. The gifters will either notice or they won't.

You shouldn't need to explain your name choices to anyone and anyone getting you customized gifts should ask first.

I believe that the latest data on last names comes from 2016 were 70% of heterosexual American couples had the wife taking the husbands last name. People should absolutely ask, but its still quite common. I would try to get the knowledge out through word of mouth. Example: Have your mom tell her siblings that you are not changing your name etc... It might be easier then trying to put in on the website which a lot of people don't read.

I had the same problem.

My family was told early and often that I won't be changing my name and they were all pretty supportive (if they had thoughts, they kept them quiet, and I don't care anyway). Hubby's family was a bit more vocal but I told them politely their opinion wasn't welcome in the conversation, the decision was made.

I hyphenated my name and had the same thing happen. We received a few personalized gifts, and, our first Christmas married, have received a *ton* of Christmas cards addressed to Mr. and Mrs. HusbandName or The HusbandName Family.

For the gifts, I would just say thank you and accept it. You'll probably hurt the person's feelings if you basically say thank you but this gift is useless. Most people don't mean it in a bad way, and imo it's better to respond with grace. Then you can decide if you actually want to use the gift or not.

We have a return address stamp that's our first names. The Christmas card offenders will get a handwritten return address with both of our names spelled out, lol! On our invitations we did "The Future Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Jones-Smith" for that reason.

I would just ignore the problem. We got a cute Christmas wall hanging that says "The [husband's last name]", and I still hung it and thought it was great even though my last name won't be changing. Just like if someone called me Mrs. xx that I wont see much in the future, I probably wouldn't correct them. It doesn't offend me any.

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To each their own-it would very much bother me if I explicitly told someone that I wasn't planning on going as "Mrs. Husband'sname" and then they went out of their way to get us a sign that said that. That just feels disrespectful and like they are trying to make you conform to old school gender norms and what THEY think is appropriate. I'm a physician and changing my name is 100% not happening-it's expensive, extremely cumbersome, and wouldn't make sense legally anyway. My family is supportive but some of my husband's family is still being salty about the idea of me keeping my name-but it's not up to them. If they refer to me as Mrs. after our wedding next week there will be words.

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I totally get that if you have made your plans/ wishes known! I haven't told anyone I'm not changing my name other than FH, so that's why I didn't care too much. If someone did it even after they knew better, that's definitely a different story! I do feel like personalized gifts are more common around the wedding, and the problem might go away on its own. Maybe not tho..

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That does matter! But I think if you want people to know your intentions, tell them! It's not rude to let people know you want to keep your name at all, and it will be weird when you start getting mail addressed to a person that doesn't legally exist!

My fiancé and I always just address our correspondence with our first names. I think you should do what you want, and if addressing this to everyone at one time is what makes you feel comfortable then do it! People shouldn't assume, and it wouldn't hurt to have the parents or closest relatives' kind of spread the word.