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Honey
Beginner April 2024

Plus Ones/moh

Honey, on January 28, 2024 at 6:32 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
I’ve posted before about plus ones for my destination wedding. I’d decided on “no plus ones” but would adjust on a case by case. No one has needed a plus one, as we’d invited mostly family and all couples were addressed and invited as such. However, someone in the forum made note that giving my sister/MOH a plus one would be kind to do. However, her best friend is our makeup artist for wedding and my sister’s roommate at the resort. My sister asked last month if she could invite a guy friend. I told her I didn’t mind, however we have a discount code for 25 rooms only so I needed to ensure those rooms went to our chosen guests first and would let her pass the code on once I started receiving RSVPs or declines. She thought this wasn’t fair and it was keeping me from giving her a “plus one” because it wasn’t fair to ask him to pay full price. I tried explaining that it wouldn’t be fair of us to ask our friends and family to pay full price if we exceeded the 25 rooms, so we needed to ensure they were taken care of. As expected, we of course received some declines so once that happened I offered her the group code for her guest and to my knowledge he’s been invited as a +1.


Our resort is 18+ and can only accommodate two people per room, however they have a nearby family resort that can fit more guests in one room, which is a more affordable option for some of the guests. My sister and the makeup artist are sharing a room at the adults only resort. My god-family has chosen to stay at the family resort to keep costs low. But they called me this morning asking who the fifth person in their room would be. Turns out my sister invited another one of her best friends to the wedding and my mother is planning to stick her in the room with my god-family for affordability so that my sister’s friend doesn’t have to pay the full cost of a room by herself. My god family called me upset because they are not comfortable with this option because they are four adults, so adding another adult just seems ver uncomfortable. I told my mother and sister this so their solution is to just have my sister (MOH) change resorts so that she, the make up artist and the second friend can all share a room instead. I’m very against this option as well because that puts my maid of honor AND my MUA at a different resort, when I would prefer my MOH at the very least be with me for support. My mother is upset and saying that she will just pay the difference for my sister’s friend to have her own room because having her there is important to my sister (which I think is also unfair because she never offered to help any of my best friends who are not making it due to finances… not that it’s her obligation to to offer *at all* but it hurts my feelings her priority of importance.) my mom thinks I am being unfair and that my sister will need someone to hang out with, which is why she needs the plus ones. I know the MUA is not technically her plus one, but I booked her because my sister suggested it so I thought that meant they would hang out in their down time. However, I’m also just so upset because my sister has barely fulfilled any MOH duties and even tried inviting her friends to the Bach party which I thought was also uncalled for because I feel that’s an intimate moment for me. I thought that she would be at the resort to support me with wedding finalizations and rehearsals etc, not bringing 3 extra friends when I’d already told everyone from the beginning I wanted to keep the wedding as small as possible (it has SNOWBALLED INTO A MUCH BIGGER EVENT).
Idk I guess I’m more so just venting. I’m not sure if I’m just being an emotional mess or a bridezilla or if my feelings are justified.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Rae, on January 31, 2024 at 9:34 AM
  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    Edit: my sister has traveled to many weddings by herself. She was literally telling me last week about a wedding in FL she traveled to where the only person she knew was the bride. This wedding she knows 90% of the guests, as they're her family too 😅
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Destination weddings are tricky because people don't often want to travel alone. It does sound like your mom overstepped by inviting and arranging accommodation for someone not really invited. I don't get what your sister means about a guy friend? Is she now bringing two women and a guy friend?

    At any rate, MOH doesn't really have "duties" per se, and it sounds like she was kind enough to do a bachelorette for you.

    I don't think it matters which resort they stay at, if they are walking distance apart. I'm not sure that's something you get to control.

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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    We all live in the same city (across the street from each other actually 😅) so we’re all traveling together. Her plus ones live in two different states, so would travel to get to the destination on their own. I’m not counting the MUA as her plus one, but did hire her for my sister to have a friend because that’s originally who she asked for as a plus one. Now there are two plus ones. The guy friend and her best friend, and then the MUA I hired. I did okay the guy friend, because she asked. But the second plus one has caught me off guard because I had no clue about her until today & is now changing the initial plans and rooming situation. The family resort is not walking distance, which is why I’m concerned, because the only MOH duty I really expect from her is to be by my side for emotional support during the wedding prep once we’re at the destination. I imagined my sister would be with me helping with the wedding and rehearsal etc. But to your point, I do understand I can’t really control if she does decide to stay at the second resort. 😔 I think it more would just hurt me and I guess that’s why I’m here venting 🥲☹️
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I get your feelings, and I'm hoping that you won't be as hurt. That's why I'm kinda trying to be devil's advocate a bit. Is there any reason to think she won't be there at the rehearsal etc?

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  • C
    CM ·
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    IMO the least you can do when having a destination wedding is offer travel companions to every adult guest. DWs are only cost effective when the expense is shifted to guests. As you say, the MUA is there as a vendor so it was reasonable to allow her the first request.


    I’m confused about your godparents family’s accomodations at the other resort. Unless your mother is paying for their accomodations she had no right to dictate where people stay or with whom. Certainly she had no right to tell them someone else would be sharing their suite/room. That’s crazy. And unless your mother is paying for the wedding I don’t know why your sister should have 2 ( 3 if you count her MUA best friend) guests.
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    Thank you for understanding and for perspective as well 💓 I don’t think she’d miss the rehearsal, but I’m more so nervous that by being at another resort & planning excursions with her added guests, she may not be as available as I’d hoped she would. The resort requires me and my FH to be on resort 3 days prior to the ceremony to go through details etc, so that’s why I booked my sister the same amount of days, thinking she’d help out.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    You have two separate situations happening here, not one.


    The first situation is that you are or are not allowing a plus one for guests. Best in mind that a partner is not a plus one because they are invited by name and it’s disrespectful to them for you to ask someone to celebrate your relationship with your partner while they have to leave theirs at home. Someone who is a single Pringle doesn’t need to bring a random stranger unless they truly don’t know anyone else in attendance and have so much social anxiety that it keeps them from attending at all. Every social circle has their own etiquette: some decide that every person has a date even if they are not with anyone, others don’t give dates unless you are in an established relationship and they verify over the phone in the conversation where save the date info is given if they are seeing someone, other social circles pick and choose and say “no stranger plus ones except for wedding party”. You have to ask among your own social circle what is accepted.

    The other scenario is unrelated. Couples, singles and strangers should not be randomly assigned to rooms together. A guest should not have to be upset and asking the couple who they are rooming with, or be told who is rooming with them. It’s not summer camp with assigned cabins where no one knows each other. This is a new con to add to the list of why people don’t care for how destination weddings are handled toward guests who are seen as afterthoughts who don’t need basic hospitality.
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    I think she thought she was being helpful by reducing the cost my godfamily would be paying, but they would prefer comfort over saving.


    My parents are paying for the wedding so I guess it’s her prerogative. I was annoyed initially and would still in my heart prefer my MOH be with me on the resort, but i understand I can’t (and won’t) make those kind of decisions. Just looking forward to my big day and to enjoy it as best as we both can 💓💓💓
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  • C
    CM ·
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    It was not appropriate or helpful to impose on the godparents privacy unless it’s something they discussed or brought up on their own. I don’t think it’s right that your mother is moving your sister either.
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    Unfortunately my sister wants to be moved to the other location to be with her friend and to cut costs for her friend. My god sister will be more than happy to be by my side and offer support, so I’ll look at the positive of that instead! 😅
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    We’d decided on no plus ones, but understanding the costs involved were open to case by case if needed so no one would travel alone or have to pay the costs of their room in whole if they needed to bring a +1 for cost efficiency. We didn’t disclose this on invites though. So far, no one at all has needed plus ones except for my sister, who has requested 2, plus suggested we hire her friend as MUA. Now her two plus ones need room accommodations that don’t quite fit our original plans and I don’t think it’s any of our guests responsibility to accommodate them. I’ve already told my mom and sister it’s not okay to place her in the room with my god-family or anyone else, but how they’ll accommodate her is up to them. My mother is offering to pay half of her room which I think is also unfair… but her money, her choice I guess 😅
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    I think she thought she was being helpful by reducing the cost my godfamily would be paying, but they would prefer comfort over saving.


    My parents are paying for the wedding so I guess it’s her prerogative. I was annoyed initially and would still in my heart prefer my MOH be with me on the resort, but i understand I can’t (and won’t) make those kind of decisions. Just looking forward to my big day and to enjoy it as best as we both can 💓💓💓
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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    We’d decided on no plus ones, but understanding the costs involved were open to case by case if needed so no one would travel alone or have to pay the costs of their room in whole if they needed to bring a +1 for cost efficiency. We didn’t disclose this on invites though. So far, no one at all has needed plus ones except for my sister, who has requested 2, plus suggested we hire her friend as MUA. Now her two plus ones need room accommodations that don’t quite fit our original plans and I don’t think it’s any of our guests responsibility to accommodate them. I’ve already told my mom and sister it’s not okay to place her in the room with my god-family or anyone else, but how they’ll accommodate her is up to them. My mother is offering to pay half of her room which I think is also unfair… but her money, her choice I guess 😅
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Honestly, for your own peace of mind, I would just let it go. You're already going to have enough to worry about/focus on without taking this on too. And the more you contest and try to determine who is "wrong", the more it is just going to cause drama. I would just let sis have her plus one and move over to the other resort.

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  • Honey
    Beginner April 2024
    Honey ·
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    Exactly what I’ve decided on! Regardless we will have a beautiful celebration, so no use in being upset by others’ decisions. It was frustrating to hear, but letting it go now 💓
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  • C
    CM ·
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    That’s for the best. There’s not much you can do about it if your sister and her friends agreed to move.
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  • R
    Rockstar June 2018
    Rae ·
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    I'm sorry, this is so frustrating. Your mom and your sister are both totally overstepping. It sounds like your mom is trying to placate your sister, who wants to take the time to party with her friends. Unless you are firmly going to tell your sister that she cannot bring friends, I don't know what you can do. Your mom has gone rogue already with assigning her friends to other family's rooms... it's good you were able to correct that. I'm afraid it doesn't seem like there's an "easy" solution but reading through the comments you seem to have a great attitude towards the day and a good head on your shoulders to manage through the undesired guests...

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