NWR-parenting help? My kid won't stop goofing off.

Maybe start a reward system or have you trying talking to the school about your concerns?

Yes her teacher is amazing. My daughter is literally amazing in the academic sense. The last couple weeks though it's been nothing but goofing off. I took away her electronics, she literally has nothing but books at this point. I told her if she is good the rest of the week she can have her stuff back(winter break).

Her teacher thinks she's just testing limitations and that it will get better. Like she's testing to see what will get her in trouble. I can see that but I want to make her understand that's not ok.

Why are you at her school in the morning? (Just curious)

Lead by example, telling her stuff at this age is not as effective as being a good role model.

Be specific with her. "Goofing off" and other expressions aren't as clear as examples "When you act/do/day x, the result is likely x"

The use of literally so much, what does that mean?

My daughter is 10 and has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) I have definitely been there with the taking everything away. When you are with her in the morning is it just to eat breakfast or does she go to a before school program? Maybe you could ask her to introduce you to her other friends so then she thinks its her idea to sit with someone besides the other little girl.

Im at the school everyday because they do the pledge and announcements and I'm a "room mom" I help out when needed.

When I say she's literally amazing in academics...all A's, literally nothing but books, she only has books in her room, no toys no electronics(obviously clothes and bedding etc). I know all her friends because I'm a room mom.

My son would do this and make sarcastic comments (he gets it from me) but they started to become rude so I started doing them back to him (especially in front of his friebds) and he saw how they were not good and made people feel so now he doesn't do them.

Is she bored? Have you asked her why she's goofing off? She's old enough to be able to answer you. Maybe find something she wants to do as a reward for not getting into trouble.

Oh yea I've asked her! I'll get a shoulder shrug an I don't know sometimes she'll start crying.....

If she is excelling academically as you mentioned maybe she doesn't feel challenged in school. I was in the mainstream classroom for all of elementary school where I got in a lot of trouble for being talkative and a class clown. When I was put in a class that actually challenged me I wasn't bored and didn't act out.

Behavior is communication. Try to figure out what she is trying to accomplish. Is she really just trying to fit in? Does she feel lonely so she chooses a bully to be her friend? I'd talk to the teacher to see when and why she is acting out the way she is.

It sounds like she doesn't really know how to express to you something is wrong. I had a nephew who was like this. He finally told his mom it was hard for him to make friends. As he got older it got better. I would recommend putting her in sports or dance. My nephew was in sports but he told his mom he still felt alone at times. He graduated from high school last yr. I know he made some friends but I think he eventually matured and understood that some of those people were bad influences. He went off to college and is doing well. I think now he understands more about hanging around the wing people can lead to trouble. He became a leader instead of a follower even on the football field. Find something she is passionate about and enjoys doing. She could also be bored in class and could need more of a challenge.

Sounds like something else may be going on if she starts crying. When my 8 year old does this it means something else is happening and I have to get it out of her.

I completely agree with the role model thing! With my daughter I sometimes have to play down to her level, like one time she was scared of the dark but didn't want to tell me, so I made a comment like "Sometimes I sleep with the TV on cause the room is SO dark!" And she looked at me and said "You were scared?" and I said "yup" and she said "Me too mommy."

I had to show her that adults get scared sometimes too, and with that I also make sure to let her know that "Even though mommy is silly at home, when I go to work and when I start going back to school I am going to straighten up and make sure I pay attention and not disrupt the class." Our kids will reflect what we do and say, even when we don't realize it.

This is tough and a very SENSITIVE subject as every parent has different ways of parenting and disciplining.

I do think she is bored and the teacher gives her busy work from the 4th grade classroom. The only thing I can think that would be bothering her is this is the first holiday that we aren't around family. All our family and her dad and her little brother are all out of state. I know she's upset her dad won't call or text her first...she refuses to call or text him until he calls or texts her. She is really good at expressing her feelings to me. I try to be the best parent I can be....this is the first year I've ever been able to be this active in her classroom and I feel like maybe if I'm not it'll help her?

Also she's in soccer and plays violin! She is in extracurricular! Before she got her phone(WiFi enabled only) taken away I'd let her play words with friends with me and FH, she loves that game!

OP that may be it then. My daughter was acting out for a while after I separate from her father. Can you express to her father that she really wants him to call or text first? Is there a way for her to face-time them everyday so she can somewhat see them everyday??

I have talked to him about calling and texting first. He said I just want to bitch about something. I told her to express her feelings to him and she said I can't because I'm not calling or texting first. She has Skype and an app called DUO on her phone and she talks to her grandma and her brothers mom FaceTimes me. As of him though he makes no effort....his sons mother and his mother does but not him.. He told me flat at it's all my fault for choosing to be with a military guy and taking his daughter...yea my fault doesn't mean you can't call or text your daughter. She has a phone just so he doesn't have to deal with me to talk to her! This is going to be a never ending issue

It could be a number of things...first if she is getting busy work from he fourth grade she needs to be challenged more. Have her tested for gifted, or whatever your area calls it and push her towards that. You will need to pry to see what she is not telling you as if she starts crying there is something there she wants to tell you but is either scared or doesn't know how to tell you. Try to get her to expand her friends ....make it a goal to meet blank number of new people each week. Have her tell you about the new people she meets and have a list of things that she should be able to tell you about them. Name, age, number of siblings, teacher, favorite things, favorite color. Try to limit the interaction with last years bully. Since I have already raised 4 adult children, (teenage years almost killed me), and now with 10 grandchildren I can see the affects a bully has on a child, Last year my 5 year old grandson had a bully that would constantly suck him in...he would be nice for a day or two, my grandson would get sucked in, place with this kid, and then the bully would hurt him, make fun of him, embarrass him, or just be hateful. If took us a couple of months to finally get my grandson to realize that this person was not a great person and he finally left them alone. Its hard being 8 as there is so much pressure to fit in. Also, I am sure not being around family has some impact with this so perhaps some more communication about this might help. Also, try to get her dad to call her...

"So basically my kid is playing class clown to amuse this girl." There is your answer. When presented with behavior (I am a sped teacher in a high risk school so we see this HOURLY) - there are four goals of misbehavior:

1) Attention

2) Power

3) Revenge

4) Helplessness

It sounds as though your daughter is looking for attention from the girl who had been bullying her. Kinda like keep your friends close, your enemies closer thing.

Team with her teacher (sounds like she has a great one) on what do in terms of consequences so you can be consistent with each other. Kids who want to be class clowns will soon feel the sting of peers who say, essentially, "STOP IT! BE QUIET!" as the teacher takes time from teaching to redirect the class clown. It is good to nip it before it gets to that point.

Kudos to you for being on top of it!

You could tell her (as I did to my kids) "Do you want me to show up and follow you around and hold your hand? Cause that is how you're acting!" (I did not have to do that but I would have.....my boys were like....ya no thanks." Or when the rest of the class takes a field trip have her stay home and be unplugged, no books, no fun no nothing.

Edited to add: I just read about your family changes in regards to her dad. I stand by my post however - does your school have a social worker? If so get with her/him to schedule some time for your daughter to talk about her feelings. It will help a lot and will remain private.

SMH ugh, that is literally the worst when the other parent does not want to put in the effort for their child. I know FIRSTHAND how annoying and frustrating that is. I am sorry you are dealing with that, after reading your comment about him saying its your fault, and after having those same comments thrown in my face, sounds like he is still hurt/upset you are no longer with him and he can't set aside his feelings for his own child. Unfortunately it really sounds like your daughter just wants to hear from him, and its a shame he is not putting in the effort. So she has a phone and he still doesn't call her???

I would say just try your best to keep working with her. See if you can get her in another activity that may take her mind off trying to be disruptive in class. (If your schedule will allow that) She sounds like an amazing girl OP.

It sounds to me like she is doing whatever she has to to not get bullied by that other girl, even if that means getting in trouble at home. Especially when you say sometimes she cries when you ask her why she’s doing it.

Either way, I hope you find a solution for both of you to be happier. Kids are hard, my son had such a hard time in school when he was younger. It gets better.