Not feeling the stripper idea

It’s just a woman doing her job. I don’t think it’s a big deal.

This is an issue that has been discussed on here before, so you may want to search for past threads on how other brides have dealt with it. Are there plans for a stripper? Not all guys are into them. My husband has no interest (he went to a strip club once while we were together because his friends all wanted to and he just texted me the whole time lol), so his best man did not include that in their plans. At the end of the day, these women have no interest in the guys they are dancing for. It's a job, and they are doing it to make a paycheck. It's the same as when a waitress is nice in the hopes of getting a bigger tip.

View Quoted Comment Appreciate the response Rebelle Fleur.

Just be open and set some boundaries. If it is something super important to you, then say something rather than just hoping something doesn't happen, and giving yourself a reason to be upset if it does.

My FH and I talked about this same thing, but for when he went to his brother's bachelor party, and I know these will carry over to his own party. We talked and agreed on strip clubs being fine, but no lap dances/private rooms, and no strippers hired to come to the Airbnb they were staying at.

In general hate the idea of a bachelor(ette) party being the "last fling before the ring". I feel like it should just be a party. With the context of it being a final fling it really leans in to the whole ball and chain/being tied down misogynistic ideas of marriage, which I find disgusting. Anyway, thats a whole different rant lmao...

Anyway, just talk about it! Even just saying "hey, I was thinking about..." without a clear idea of your ideal outcome is great. Good luck!

My question is, are you 'grossed out' or does it cross a boundary for you?

View Quoted Comment Dawn your post was so insightful! You are right I’m definitely feeling a little annoyed by the idea. But I just did what you said and he said he’s okay with going to a strip club but I told him no private dances/private rooms. 😌I can breath better... now😁

View Quoted Comment Point taken Hannah. I just spoke with him I think it’s the private arrangements that makes me uncomfortable. He’s agreed no private rooms and no private strippers/ lap dances.

View Quoted Comment I mean both, I’m not really into seeing them visually but also keen the whole idea of being in a relationship and being entertained by them.

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So glad! I was definitely relieved once he and I talked, glad you're feeling the same!

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It is definitely something that isn’t for everyone. Personally, I have zero issues with the concept, but other people will do their utmost to avoid any situations where that kind of entertainment will be present.

If you feel uncomfortable with it, perhaps speak to your partner and set some clear boundaries about it (i.e. no touching [albeit this is generally the case anyway]).

View Quoted Comment You are my spirit animal!😸But agreed!

View Quoted Comment You are right about that! I just don’t like that kind of entertainment especially while in a relationship. But as they say different strokes for different folks.I’m going to definitely set boundaries hopefully that helps.

I'd just talk to him about what each of your boundaries and expectations are for the bachelor/ette parties. Otherwise there's a chance one of you will end up upset the next day! My FH and I talked and luckily we are both on the same page that strippers aren't our thing nor is the whole "last chance before you're tied down forever" thing because we're both looking forward to marrying each other? He'll be going to a car show and brewery and I'll be going to brunch or out for a fancy meal lol. I guess we're boring!

If my fiance had a stripper at his bachelor party, the marriage would be off. I find it extremely distasteful and offensive.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree. It’s a “tradition” that’s unacceptably disrespectful to women in general and, especially, to the future partner. My FH is not into them, but I’ve no doubt that his friends will insist on it. While I can’t say that it will end our relationship, there will be discussion about my expectations for how he will conduct himself should that situation arise as well as the level of damage he can expect as a result. This is a hard boundary for me.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely!!!! FH and I both agreed neither of us will ever see--let alone get lapdances from--strippers, as we both consider it disrespectful.

View Quoted Comment 10000%, this!!!

There is nothing so ridiculous and disrespectful as a stripper at a bachelor party. You don't have to accept this. This situation is not normal. I would never marry a person who disrespects me by doing these things.

To imagine the people you are going to marry and to whom you have committed to spend the rest of your life going on a bachelor party and having a woman swinging in his face is surreal. When I see people submitting to this type of situation and finding it acceptable, I understand why half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce.

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This is very judgmental and unnecessary. If strippers aren't your thing and the idea of your future spouse with one makes you uncomfortable I am not going to tell you that you should get over it, but there's no need to tar other people's relationships with your brush while you're at it.

Both me and FH have been to strip clubs on our own, so I am okay with that particular form of entertainment being part of his bachelor party. I really don't view it any differently than someone watching porn - it's a fantasy and doesn't reflect how he feels about me or our relationship. I'd even let him indulge in a lap dance. Private room would be where I would draw the line as I believe that's where the line can get crossed from fantasy to sexual contact. And I also am not a huge fan of "last fling before the ring" or those connotations - but I would also be okay with him going to a strip club with the guys after we're married as well so I think those are two separate issues.

I find male strippers to be incredibly cheesy and really I just laugh more than I find it particularly sexy, so I don't particularly want them at my party! I view mine as just a chance to go out and dance with my girls!