Non-bridesmaids

Your wedding is 11 months away. There is literally nothing the bridesmaids should have to do at this point.

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Those are your thoughts and you are entitled to them. However, this is my wedding and there are things needed prior to my wedding. I don't do last-minute cause I expect my wedding to have my vision. Many postponed weddings are now being booked/scheduled. So, if I schedule a dress selection/fitting for June of this year, I expect my bridesmaids to attend it. More than enough time was given to prepare to make arrangements. If I select hairpieces now, I expect those to buy now, not later. As a matter of fact, I bought them, so I expect the bridesmaids to just wear them for the wedding; no complaints needed.

View Quoted Comment I mean, you're free to have your opinion. However, when there is a common problem amongst multiple people, one should typically follow the thread....


If you are demanding way more of your bridesmaids than the average bride, you're going to get pushback. It may be better for you just not have a bridal party as it seems you are putting your vision above your friendships.

Why does her appointment have to be that day if she's already telling you months in advance that she may have a conflict?

I agree with Hannah that a bridal party is probably not a good fit for you. When the problem is "everyone else," It's always a good idea to take a step back and pause for some self-reflection. Best of luck with your wedding planning, and hope you have peace and smooth sailing from here.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. The only thing thing they are required to do is buy the dress you pick out and show up on time to support you on the wedding day. Everything else is extra.

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The common problem is it is my wedding, not any of the selfish women, who are apparently not happy in their own world. I demand what I am capable of putting back out in the universe. I have been the bridesmaid several times to wedding planning that took place 2 years prior to 6 months before. In all scenarios, I made myself available whenever because that is the role one takes when deciding to be a bridesmaid. The only thread to partake in my wedding is to be available now that it is crunch time and wear the accessories I have provided.

Be well.

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The role of a bridesmaid is more detailed than just showing up and wearing a dress. I don't need anyone to wear a dress for my pictures just cause you're a bridesmaid.

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The self-reflection is I chose selfish, self-centered, petty, not-grown women.

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Why would she select a date that I already chose 3 months prior to her issue, would be a better question. Her issue has not been confirmed or denied. So until it is, she has the capability to select another date/time.

Sounds like your cousin who is on the brink of divorce needs some support. She was vulnerable with you about her situation and I hope you offered some compassion.


You friend who isn’t able to attend the fitting on the date you want is being up front and courteous about letting you know that date doesn’t work for her. If she goes another day to get fitted does that work for you?
I think people have different expectations of what a bridesmaids role is. For my bridesmaids I asked them to buy a dress in the color I picked and to show up for the rehearsal and wedding date. That’s all I need from them. From time to time I do run wedding questions by them but I also do that with my friends that aren’t bridesmaids.
It seems like you’ll be better off without a bridal party since they weren’t able to deliver on your expectations. Best of luck.

I think you’re expecting too much but since your friends are reaching your expectations, it’s probably better for them that you don’t want bridesmaids anymore.

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I expect what I put into a relationship, when it's my turn at love, to get back that support. It is not hard. People are self-centered and selfish.

View Quoted Comment Ummm maybe because her life doesn't revolve around your wedding. Do you know if she had a choice with her "issue"? And if she has the ability to change her date, then what's the problem? Either way, you cut them all already, so it doesn't matter anymore.


As someone else said, I hope you at least tried to comfort and support your first cousin. Having someone else's wedding details in your face while your marriage is struggling can't be easy. And it can't be easy to be cut from someone's wedding after being so vulnerable with them.

Sounds like your expectations and theirs do not line up at all. I'm sorry you have been disappointed. You will probably be happier not having to fight with them every step of the way. I will say you have a higher expectation of involvement/commitment than most brides. That is not a bad thing and I am not telling you to change but you should be aware so you are not suprised if you run into similar issues that you are having with your bridesmaids with vendors or family members. Be upfront and own your high expectations when talking to people you are involving in your wedding otherwise they will have no way of knowing. Good luck planning and I hope things get better for you!

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Thanks for your response.

As for my cousin, I have been supportive. I listen and am attentive. She elected herself to be my bridesmaid. I accepted, knowing full well her mental status. But, don't penalize my joy due to your sorrows.

My friend, her appointment is not in existence as of yet. It may never happen, too. I'm just saying like I planned the dress appointment well in advance, she can rearrange the appointment, if it happens, another day.

Honestly, I have foot the bill for my bridesmaids. They only have to buy a dress. I bought shoes, hair accessories, paid for the make-up artists and gifts. I chose a selection of affordable dresses. The texts/emails I sent out, have been few and only to keep them abreast of what I am doing. I don't do last minute, so there won't be any surprises that can't be corrected.

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I never expect anyone to revolve around me. But, if you're my bridesmaid and I ask something of you...UMMM yeah I expect you to be front and center.

Yes, she has plenty of choices. Her issue is something not life threaten or urgent.

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Thank you.

I don't have high expectations. I have made my wedding the most affordable bridesmaid participation possible based on other weddings I have participated in. All I asked if I buy something, wear it. If I make an appointment 6 months in advance, prepare for it.

I am sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. As a fellow planner (why wait until the last minute?!), I admire your early planning! You're much farther ahead in your planning process, but I'm moving towards planning everything myself and only getting input from my FH. It became overwhelming for me when everyone tried to offer their opinion, suggestions and input so I'm not volunteering any details or asking for their help. That said, I will still need my bridesmaids to try on dresses, which I'm hoping goes smoothly. Prayers that it all works out and that they come around.

View Quoted Comment Seriously?