No bridesmaids, but full party of groomsmen

If you want them as bridesmaids then go for it, don't stop it because you think your bestfriend would get upset. Especially if the reason for her not being there is because she got pregnant, it's not like you 2 had a falling out. But at the same time pregnant people are in weddings all the time, is it because of COVID that she will not be there?

I say if you want them then ask them, otherwise it will definitely look lopsided but its your wedding you can do whatever you want! It may look weird in pictures though.

Do you have any cousins that your are close with?

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Also, ask yourself if you really want to have bridesmaids or if you're doing it because it's what our society expects.

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My best friend is due one week before the wedding, and I honestly don't want her there at this point. From a practical standpoint, she doesn't live locally and would not be anywhere near her docs if anything were to happen. Knowing my luck, she'd give birth at my wedding and all the attention would be on her.

I'm also really frustrated, because my husband and I have been super responsible, and we wanted to get married before having kids (and ideally do one last big trip/honeymoon before changing our lives forever), and instead of having a beautiful wedding we saved for and planned for we were forced to have a disappointing and stressful elopement due to Covid, and are now talking with doctors about the risks of having a baby during a pandemic vs waiting longer and increasing my risk (I live a pretty healthy lifestyle but will 35 next month). We are making these really thoughtful decisions, and it's possible my doc will say we shouldn't wait and I might even be pregnant for the wedding and feel sick and not enjoy the food or be able to have a drink. Whereas my 34 year old friend wasn't trying for a baby at all (so smoking and drinking and not taking prenatal vitamins), this is her third unplanned pregnancy (first she is keeping), and as of March this year I had to send wedding invite/bridesmaids gift to her grandparent's house instead of the apartment she shares with her boyfriend because she felt like they needed to break up. I'm having a hard time even being excited for her, and I don't think it would be all that good me to be around her right now.

No cousins, no siblings, no really close family members at all. My mom was diagnosed with cancer just 10 days before our original wedding date (which is a big factor why we eloped) so it's been a trying time. It would just be nice to have something to look forward to.

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I don't care as much about "having bridesmaids" but at the very least would like to invite some friends to get ready with me, and do think it would be fun to do pics with some of my girlfriends.

I also know my husband is kind of sensitive to me not having a bridal experience, but I also don't want him to not have a groom experience because I don't have more close friends.

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It sounds like you really don't care to have any other bridesmaids. I wouldn't have them there just because you feel it will lopsided, that's not fair to them either. & I completely understand about the baby situation, do you think you would want to have the wedding if you ended up pregnant? Is it possible to get a refund?

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I guess I don't really understand what the role of a bridesmaid is other than to wear an outfit the bride decides on, show up to the wedding early enough to help the bride get ready, and take some photos. That's really all I ever expected of anyone in my bridal party (bachelorette would have been nice, but wasn't expected and now I'm technically married so it's kind of a moot point). I also prefer the mismatched bridesmaids look so would only ask that the girls get a floor length dress within a certain color family and everything else would be up to them, so it would be pretty low key. I would prefer not to have to get ready for the wedding by myself, and at the very least need someone who can bustle my train for me for dancing because I can't do it myself while wearing my dress. I don't feel like showing up a little early is unfair or asking too much of a friend.

Also none of our deposits were refundable - all of our vendors let us postpone due to Covid but none would give us our money back if we canceled. If they didn't do it for a pandemic that no one had any control over they aren't going to let me do it if I get pregnant. It might be possible to postpone again but I'm not sure. I asked about postponing to 2022 originally (I am not confident the pandemic will be resolved by next year) and they weren't willing to push it out so far back when I was trying to reschedule in April of this year.

We also waited/are waiting until December to start trying at the earliest, so that I'm no more than 6 months along at the time of the wedding. I'd prefer not to be pregnant at my wedding, but at least that feels like a safe enough window, and if we wait until after June to start trying, then we have less than a year to conceive, as I don't want to be any older than 36 when I have a baby.

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Bridesmaids, well at least mine, are supportive and also help out where they can for the wedding. Again, I am speaking on my bridesmaids personally. They've offered suggestions, offered to help with our minimony, came up with questions to play the shoe game for the big wedding, planning a bridal shower, bachelorette, etc. I'm already married but they are still planning it for next year before the big wedding (as many brides are because of COVID)

You can definitely ask them to get ready with you, that's not a problem at all no one, at least I didn't, say that was unfair. I said it wouldn't be fair to have them as bridesmaids for the SOLE reason of not wanting your bridal party lopsided. Definitely have your friends get ready with you if that's what you want.

Anyways, goodluck with getting pregnant. I wish a happy & healthy pregnancy on you!

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Oh now I see where you are coming from, and I definitely agree! Our event is already all planned - pretty much everything but the table assignments. We were getting married in May so even sent our invites out before the pandemic hit (dropped them off on a normal Monday and by Friday things were shutting down). So there'd be no extra work for any bridesmaids at this point except for getting a dress that went with our theme (and my only request would be floor length and a shade of soft/dusty pink or honestly even any other soft/dusty color, could be a dress they already have, a $30 pre-owned Poshmark find, or whatever they want really) and spending a little more time with me for the weekend.

Also both of the ladies I had in mind are people I wanted to be bridesmaids originally but couldn't come to our May wedding (one was having a baby and the other lived across the country and was finishing grad school and getting married around the same time and it just wasn't feasible). So definitely not people I'm just trying to fill up space with. In fact, the girl who had her baby helped convince me to date my hubby in the first place, and the other girl moved back east so now we actually see each other more, and all three of us used to work together and both have awesome partners who would be a joy to have at our wedding (and would be totally chill on their own if I stole their ladies for getting ready, photos, etc). Ideally I would have been able to have all three ladies in my wedding, and we could have had a 3 bridesmaid, 4 groomsmen wedding party but it just seems the stars won't align for me.

Thanks for the well wishes and great advice! I'd also love to hear how you are doing your wedding when you've already married ahead of time. I'm still trying to think of how to honor that we are married (and not have it just feel like marriage theater) but also have it feel like the wedding we didn't get to have.

View Quoted Comment Yes if you were already planning to have them as bridesmaids then go for it! And it seems like you aren't requiring much of them so that's a good thing.


We had a 35guests minimony on our original wedding date. But for the big wedding that's where we will have our bridal party, that's where I will wear my big dress, we will do personal vows there (we did traditional at the minimony) and that's where we will include all of the other vendors (we only had a photographer for the minimony and my family cooked dinner for everyone)
You can call it a "celebration of marriage" or something along the lines. I'm really just excited to be able to share the moment with everyone who couldn't be a part of the minimony due to Covid 🥰❤️