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Just Said Yes October 2022

Need help am i wrong ?

Tammy, on May 22, 2022 at 4:28 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
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Hi !

I normally do not write into pages But im in a friendship dilemma. I am getting married October 8th 2022 and one of my friends that i been friends with for 25 years is highly upset i did not ask her to be a bridesmaid and that my best friend is my maid of honor . The issue is I was going to ask her but as I was planning my wedding and asking people to be a part of my wedding her dad passed away and I felt it was not right to ask her to take on responsibility of my wedding at that time . Let me add i live in a different state than my friends and its already challenging for my maid of honor . Anyways this friend was also going through a very hard time in life again i felt guilty asking her so i figured i would wait to ask her when things calmed down . But its too late to ask because she flipped out in me after seeing others tag me in a post and she started telling me im such a crappy friend how dare i not ask her and i tried to explain she didnt want to hear it at all . So i still sent the invite and included a heart felt letter . She then reached out said thanks for the letter but scolded me again and went on a jealous rant about my maid of honor .
I guess im questioning was I wrong ? I did apologize that her feelings are hurt and even said i had your gift here ready to ask but this argument took place now . She refuses to come to the wedding now and gave up the friendship . I also should add she had a wedding a few years ago and i was not asked to be apart of it and i was fine with that i went and celebrated with her and had a great time . I really dont know what to do and my heart hurts and im confused and conflicted now .
Any advice ?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Bailey, on July 25, 2022 at 4:20 PM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    No you are not wrong. She is taking the situation way too personal. The fact that she is accusing you of being a bad friend for being empathetic to her situation at the time speaks volumes about her and her mental health, nothing about you. Weddings are not tit for tat, meaning just because you were a bridesmaid in someone’s wedding doesn’t mean that you are required or obligated to reciprocate. You can invite her as a guest if you choose. Limit contact and conversation with her and reevaluate if the friendship is something you want to continue.
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  • T
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Tammy ·
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    Thank You ! She currently blocked me on all social media and I will not be reaching out this time as I am always the one to reach out . I agree weddings should not be tit for tat which is why i was perfectly ok not being asked and just happy to be there gor her special day but i did not expect this reaction when it came to mine especially seeing i was not being malicious.
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  • Brianna
    Dedicated July 2022
    Brianna ·
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    You was only trying to respect the fact she was going through a lot and didn’t want to bother her. I do believe she was just going overboard, especially since you explained and apologized. Like Michelle said I would limit contact. Maybe it’s best if y’all take a little time apart.
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  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    You were trying to be empathetic to her situation at the time which is very thoughtful of you. You tried to explain and she didn't want to hear it and now she's blocked you? It seems like an extreme reaction on her part. I understand her being hurt but if she really was a good friend she would at least try to understand your reasons. You're not wrong at all and shouldn't try to reach out to her, even if you weren't blocked. It sucks to lose such a long friendship this way but it's her choice.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    I can see where you were coming from, but if you wanted her in the wedding, you should have had a conversation with her and asked if she felt up to being a bridesmaid in light of the situation with her dad. That's up to her...she may have been looking forward to a happy occasion and now she feels she's been excluded. Having a conversation, rather than just not asking her would have been the right thing to do imo.
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  • T
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Tammy ·
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    She had alot of stressors and at one point was not good mentally to a bad bad point i find it distasteful of me during that to say do you wanna be in my wedding. I acknowledged her hurt and I was going to ask her until she started flipping out and going into a huge jealous rage which i was going to look past but it is now very awkward to ask her at all .
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    No, I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like a miscommunication made worse by her assumptions about your motives. I'm sorry it happened, maybe you'll hear from her if/when she cools off. That sucks.

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  • PermaGrin
    Devoted June 2022
    PermaGrin ·
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    I think you did the best you did to handle a touchy situation.

    Hopefully she reaches out after taking some time to think about it

    So sorry that happened

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    She didn't ask you to be her bridesmaid, but she's upset that you delayed asking her to be your bridesmaid, for a very good reason? She's probably lashing out due to grief, but this is still an outlandish reaction. This is so overboard that I'm wondering if her grief is triggering a latent mental health issue
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  • L
    Devoted April 2023
    Lucy ·
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    You're not wrong at all but there was a serious miscommunication from you.
    We decided early on that we were skipping the WP (about 2 weeks into our engagement)... that day, we informed our close friends, siblings and the 1st cousins we're close to so no one would expect anything.
    Had we had one, we would have informed those we would have "excluded" as soon as possible.Also: She didn't ask you to be in the WP but she's upset that you didn't ask her to be in yours? Sounds like she's so selfish and entitled! Are you sure she's a 'real' friend?
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  • T
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Tammy ·
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    I been engaged and with my spouse 15years i have wedding phobia lots of failed marriages in my family. I finally said a few months ago ok lets plan it officially. I didn't ask any of the girls till same time frame and thats when her dad passed very sudden He was not sick or anything. So i feel i didn't miscommunicate anything , she was going to be asked with the other girls had a tragedy not happened . This isn't the first time she has done this to me but it is the first major happy event in my life besides my children that i would never expect for her to do this hurtful act with . She is very jealous of my best friend and it causes tension and problems. I try to take her feelings and struggles into carful consideration seeing i have known her so long and know what she has been through but this time I can’t get past it and what she made me feel like over my wedding.
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    At the very worst, you didn't ask her when you asked everyone else, which made her feel excluded. That being said, you did so because she was going through a tragedy in her life, you still planned to include her, and you even explained everything to her. You know her best, so I'm sure waiting to ask her to be in your wedding was a reasonable choice. The whole "issue" happened because you were trying to be a good friend to her. Meanwhile, she expected you to be an adult when she didn't include you in her bridal party, but cannot return the same level of maturity and threw away a 25-year friendship over it. If you're still interested in salvaging the friendship, then my best advice would be to let her cool off and come around, but SHE needs to be the one to apologize here.

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  • T
    Just Said Yes October 2022
    Tammy ·
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    Thank you everyone for your words and advice !! Im going to let the situation play out however it plays out . Im just shocked and hurt by her reaction cause i would not do the same to her especially on such a happy big life moment . Its sad her wedding memories keep popping up and to read how excited i was for not even thinking about she didnt ask me to be apart of her day just being there was enough for but i didnt get the same respect even though i was going to ask her but her life took unexpected turns .
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  • Bailey
    Expert October 2023
    Bailey ·
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    I think that you should have maybe waited to announce all of your bridal party (on social media at least) until you asked her, because I can see from her perspective how that looked like she was not going to be included. However, her behavior is not okay. She should have listened to you from your first explanation and seen that you were only trying to respect her. The heart felt letter should not have been needed and her response just furthered the fact that she probably doesn't belong in your party anyway!

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