Navigating the Holidays As Newlyweds?

We don’t spend the holidays with either family! I have enjoyed creating our own day together. We also work in healthcare so it is often not possible to travel for the holidays. I’ve enjoyed the intimate moments with just the two of us

I have 3 Sets of families I visit for the holidays. My mom, my dad, and my in-laws. Growing up it was my dads for thanksgiving, and my mom for Christmas (custody schedule). I sort of kept that in my adult like, but not since we have my in-laws it's a little trickier.

At first it became a game of I am calling your presence at this holiday and whoever asked first won, and that was for the first 2 years of just dating. Now that my brother lives on the opposite end of the country it's become easier since he is only here for Christmas and one week of summer. So our schedule has been more even. Thanksgiving with the In-Laws extended family, weekend before Christmas my Dads (usually my brothers first flight over about a 5 hour drive for me, but all siblings are in attendance), Christmas Eve my Mom's (about 2 hour drive with all siblings in attendance), and then we drive back to my in-laws Christmas Morning (another 2 hour drive with all in attendance), and then we pick what we want to do for new years.

My dad has the mind set of, we can celebrate any holiday whenever you want. My mom is very traditional, and my in-laws have their own traditions that we make sure to be there for. So there was a compromise that we were able to figure out on all sides. It's a ton of travel and the only break I get is going to work. lol

Last year was the first Christmas Eve of my life (that I can recall) not spending it with my moms side of the family. Thanks covid! My husband and I had a lovely evening at home. I still cried.
I say that to say, it’s ok to have your feelings!
My husbands family moved from an hr away to a 2 hr plane ride away. The first Christmas we went and visited them the day after Christmas and last year they came and visited us a week or so before. I don’t think it’s bothered him. We typically visit with his family for Thanksgiving. I think it’s important to develop tradition and plans that fit your mew family unit. Be sure to have sometime for just the 2 of you even while visiting his family to start your own traditions. What holidays are more important to each of you? What traditions do you want to keep or get rid of? Will you rotate holidays with each family. Be sure to have these discussions now so you don’t struggle with them down the road.

I agree, totally ok to have feelings!

In our case, we've always been able to see both - we do breakfast together, lunch with his parents, and dinner with my parents. Each place is only about an hour away from the next one, so it IS a lot of driving, but it's lovely to not have either of us miss out.

If/when we start a family, I do think we'd need to re-evaluate, but for now, it works well.

I grew up not always having Christmas with my mom because she works for a hospital. We just had Christmas with my mom and Step Dad on the 11th. My mom's family celebrates in June due to it being easier for family to get off. My dad's family does celebrate on Christmas Eve but I'm not close to them. My husband's family also celebrates on Christmas Eve but we live 6 hours away from them. We started going every other year between my dad's family and husband's family. This year we were going to spend Christmas with his family but, his aunt (who just had a baby) asked us to be godparents and his baptism is this Sunday so now we're going this weekend. We'll spend Christmas eve just the two of us and go to my dad & grandma's house on Christmas Day (when my aunts and cousins are gone).

It takes a lot to get used to a new routine. I would prepare to facetime/call your family on Christmas. You've created a new family with your husband. Don't feel bad if it takes some time to get used to this. It might take a few years before you're used to the routine of spending holidays without your family.

My sisters in-laws live in a different state and what works for them and us is they rotate so this year we celebrated with the whole family Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving day and we will be celebrating Christmas on a different day (the 27th this year) and next year (2023) we will be doing Thanksgiving on a different day and Christmas on Christmas day and just rotate them every other year.

We are going to do Christmas Eve with my mom/family and Christmas Day with my in-laws. It’s going to be a lot - they’re 4 hours away from each other but we are going to try it.

Nothing has changed for us since getting married - we live closer to my husband's family (they're a little over an hour from us, whereas my family is out of state about 4-5 hours away) so we usually do holidays with them but have occasionally split holidays with my family (Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas at the other). It has been that way since we started dating, so getting married changed absolutely nothing. I personally hate my hometown, so I'm rarely inclined to visit because I never enjoy being there and much prefer getting the holidays over with in a day trip if possible, vs spending a couple days in my hometown. I secretly always hope for a snowstorm on Christmas so we can celebrate with family a different day and for the actual holiday I can just have a peaceful, quiet day at home.

Last year, because of Covid, we just did holidays two other couples who live in town (and our dogs) and it was THE BEST. Far less stressful, far more relaxed. I'd MUCH prefer to do friend holidays all he time.

If you really cherish holidays with your family its totally normal to feel sad about not celebrating with them while still being excited to spend the holiday with your husband and his family.

My husband and I have been dealing with this since we first started dating. Luckily, his family has always been very flexible with holidays since he comes from divorced parents, whereas mine always celebrates Christmas ON CHRISTMAS. I remember that first holiday apart from them and it was difficult, especially because my husband worked so I was home alone. Over the past 2 years of him being a dispatcher and him working every holiday, I have come to learn that the holidays are no less special celebrated on another day. They can be special just the two of us too, even if the celebration occurs at 10:30 pm when he gets off work. This year, we were alone for Thanksgiving but did a small friendsgiving the Saturday after.

For Christmas we are going to his mom's this Sunday, my parents the day after Christmas, and his dad's Jan. 2nd.

Christmas Eve I will cook dinner for my husband and I and we will open our presents at midnight. Christmas evening I will go over to a friends house to hang out, drink some wine, and have some snacks.

New Years Eve and New Years hes working a double shift so I will either celebrate alone at home, or find some friends to be around.

FH and I always just separated for Holidays (he goes to his I go to mine) but since this is our first holiday season engaged we decided we should probably spend the holidays together now so we sat down in October to decide who gets what.

His favorite holiday is Thanksgiving while I could do without it, so we spent Thanksgiving with his family (I did duck out to go to my aunts house where my parents were for a little while, since we didn't have any family holidays in 2020 due to Covid I was in need of a little holiday with them but will not continue doing that this was a one time thing to get my family holiday fill)

He knows Christmas Eve is my favorite night of the year, last year was the first time in 26 years I was not sitting on the couch in my aunts basement with all my cousins and I sobbed and drank my feelings down with some wine all night long (note: FEEL YOUR FEELINGS) so we're spending Christmas Eve with my family.

Christmas Day we were going to split between his parents and mine, since they eat at different times, but my brother is going to spend Christmas Day with his girlfriends family out of state so my mom has decided she wants us to do our Christmas Day on New Years Day so we'll just see my parents momentarily on Christmas as they agreed to watch our dog while we're at his parents house (there will be 4 dogs already at his parents and a 5th would just cause mayhem)