Narcisstic mother trying to stop/ruin wedding

You already know what you need to do: continue planning and paying for your wedding with your FS. Based on the information you have provided, nothing good can come from accepting any money from your parents or trying to involve them in your wedding/your life.

The ins and outs of what your parents do/don't do and how much money they have are all unimportant. Your mother has shown you who she is; believe her. If I were you, I would focus on working with my therapist to set and keep boundaries and develop healthy coping strategies. You can do this. Good luck!

Honestly, in your shoes, my parents wouldn't even be getting an invite. They clearly don't support you or your relationship. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Money for manipulation is not a deal, it is damaging to you and the relationship. Personally, I would distance myself from mom and keep planning discussion to the barest of minimums. Your marriage will be built upon the foundation you and your fiancé make, don't let that kind of negative influence create cracks in something that would otherwise be solid. Good luck and happy planning.

Goodness - please do not take their money. Plan the wedding you want and can afford and let them deal with it.

As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, let me give you one piece of advice:
DON'T DO IT.

If you do it, and you know this is true, your wedding will become All About Your Mother. The minute you get attention, she will melt down, and will make your life miserable.

Heck, I'm going to give you more advice: cut her off. Seriously. It will make your life better.

Not so short story about my wedding: my mother ignored my emails about family addresses and my father's family jewelry for weeks. (They are divorced.) When she finally responded, the addresses were incomplete (I got the rest on FB, or by annoying people on email), and she ignored the jewelry question. She did not ask substantial questions about the wedding until her birthday, in May. (We got engaged on NYE, the wedding was this August. By May, most things were planned.) She then tried to shoehorn in on the shower planning. (My MOH was amazing and pretty much ignored her.) Despite me refusing to give her my clothing sizes, telling her it was a coed wedding shower, and that I did NOT want any type of clothing, she gave me lingerie. In public, at the shower. She would not let me speak to my ILs alone. She made inappropriate jokes during the entire thing (it was a family affair, with children present). And the best part was that I thought she behaved fairly well, for her, until my friends apologized TO ME for her behavior. THEN... she got the invitations. Which did not have her name on it, because she did not help in any way, shape or form. They did have my father, stepmother, and ILs on it, because they helped financially, emotionally, or physically. Mom was rude to me when I reached out to her about a natural disaster in her area, declined the invitation online, and has not spoken to me since June 20. She sicc'd my cousins on me, demanding why her name wasn't on them (claiming they didn't feel a connection to the ... invitation... with my name on it... we don't share a name anyway...), and then made all of my cousins refuse to come (some of them not responding at all).

I cut her off. She's blocked across all platforms, and I'm telling you, I'm FREE. I was relaxed on my wedding day, we had a blast, there was NO DRAMA, no one yelled at me, belittled me, attempted to steal the spotlight, etc. IT WAS GLORIOUS.

TL;DR: if you need this... from someone in a similar boat... you have permission to cut the abusive narcissist out of your life, especially if she is your mother. I promise you, it's the most freeing experience I've ever had.

Don't take the money, back up your FH and move on. Have a small destination wedding and don 't tell your parents anything, let them be surprised about how you plan it. I am sorry that you're dealing with this doll, best wishes to you!

You are NOT a bad person. Do not take the money, have the small wedding in Italy. To be perfectly blunt, you shouldn't invite either of your parents. They will ruin your wedding like they did your engagement party! You want happy memories from your wedding, not memories of them screaming at you, belittling you, or trying to cause drama between you and your FH. I wish you the best of luck!