My maid of honor unable to afford bach trip, but willing to pay front row vip concert tickets.

When did we get the idea that whole weekends were necessary for the bach parties, or that we should judge our friendships by whether they’re willing to shell out thousands of dollars for our events? No, don’t confront her. Be happy for her if she gets to do something major she’s looking forward to.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your honest advice. I’m not asking my bridesmaids to spent thousands of dollars on me. My trip is not anything you see on social media and I’m covering most of the expenses for all other wedding events since our bridal party is small. Also, I’m paying for my own bach trip.


I personally think it tells something about our friendship, if she’s willing to pay thousands on her ticket but said “I’m financially constraint, therefore I can’t afford your bach trip”. Something doesn't add up. Her concert may be the life time event, so is your best friend’s wedding.

Your wedding is definitely a big event. Your bachelorette trip is an optional side event. I’d be horrified if I found out my best friend skipped a major event she was wanting to do because of my bachelorette party. Now, if she was skipping your wedding for finances and doing the concert, you could be justifiably upset. But a bachelorette trip is fun if everyone wants to do it and can afford it but by no means mandatory.

A lot of people think a multi-day, destination bachelorette party is an unreasonable ask on principle whether or not they can technically afford it. Since when is how your friend spends her money any of your business? For all you know she has gift money that she's been saving for this. You're completely out of line.

View Quoted Comment Personally, if my maid of honor can’t make it to my bach party and passively involve with all wedding related events, I would be hurt. Yes who am I to say where she spend money and her time? But I’m obviously not her priority.

View Quoted Comment *in this case when I know she had money and time.

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You're missing the point. A bachelorette party is an entirely optional event and was only ever meant to be a fun night out on the town for locals. You're the one who is out of line if the expectations are bigger than that or if you can't understand that not everyone can make it.

Having a wedding does not give you discretion over someone else's money. You're sounding very entitled. Continuing this way may very likely put your friendship at risk and build resentment.

Being in a wedding party does not mean they are obligated to attend all prewedding events.

You've got this backwards. Having people in a wedding party is your chance to honour them and their importance in your life, not the other way around.

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Her concert may be the life time event, so is your best friend’s wedding.

1. She isn't choosing a concert over your wedding... she's choosing a concert over your bachelorette trip.

2. I hate to break the news to ya, but your wedding isn't the event of her lifetime. It's the event of YOUR lifetime. While I'm sure she's quite excited for you and your wedding, it's never going to be nearly as important to her (or anyone, for that matter) as it is to you.

Thank you all for your honest replies. I’m not entitled, as I have clearly stated that I’m covering most of the other wedding events expenses. I do however , think that maid of honor still has to put minimum effort whether it is money or time besides your wedding day. Bride wants to feel loved and taken care of from their bridal party, but I feel no sense of that. My MoH has been very passive and not been the one to take initiate on things. It’s not just money, but multiple factors that made me feel I’m not important friend of her.

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You're jumping far ahead to assume you're not important to her. She may be more passive about planning your optional wedding parties because it's her first time as bridesmaid. She can be making some mistakes, like you are a first-time bride. These parties are optonal and asking a weekend is commonly seen as overindulging. Behind those happy pics of destination bachelorettes on socials, are friends stressing each other out emotionally and financially for a photo op.

Mourn that your bestie won't be able to party with you, but really I wouldn't make it a habit of being in other people's wallets. I see those people from afar and they are sour and joyless from bitterness.

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Actually, you're incorrect, her primary role and only obligations are to be there on your wedding day, assist in small ways on the day, attend rehearsal if possible and pay for transportation to the wedding like any other guest. Anything else is entirely optional and voluntary. For example, showers can be thrown by any friend or friend of the family or not at all. Some would include relatives in that group. Bachelorettes were never meant to be over the top. What else do you envision in terms of her time and money?

Just because you may be generous in some ways doesn't mean you're not acting entitled in others.

You said, "I do however , think that maid of honor still has to put minimum effort whether it is money or time besides your wedding day." --- No, they don't. This is where you're coming across as entitled. Also if you're not getting married until July, 2025 a lot can change in that time. Your wedding is a year and a half away.

View Quoted Comment That’s not my actual wedding date. Also, Wedding and wedding related events is a team work, not just sole responsibility of the Bride. There is a minimum responsibility that we need to take on.


I’m not entitled.

You chose an enterouge of friends for the purpose of throwing you multiple days of parties in your honor, calling it duties Self-aggrandizement followed by a tantrum is entitlement. Your only teammate is your partner.

No I didn’t. As I have said, I’ve been trying put less financial burden other than the small get away. Not flashy parties you see on social media.

View Quoted Comment Entire wedding day, yes my fiancé and I. But all other wedding events, it’s definitely a team work. As I have said, I’ve been trying put less financial burden other than the small get away. Not flashy parties you see on social media.

View Quoted Comment You are unfortunately completely misinformed. Once again these “other” events you refer to are considered minor and optional. While it can be nice and sweet when someone offers to host a party or can participate in an activity, it should be seen as generous and voluntary if and when that happens.

The friend explicitly told you she has financial pressures which she should not have to explain or justify. As mentioned, the concert money could have been a gift meant for something personal to her and long earmarked for this purpose. Maybe it’s you who should have turned down the plan for a weekend that would cost people who seemingly had no say in the planning or budget for this trip more than they were comfortable spending, however much that was.

It would be a shame if you ruined a friendship over this when you're the one who asked if you should let this slide. You seem determined to be right even when everyone who has posted is telling you otherwise. Not only should you let it slide, there is nothing to let slide.

You’re allowed to feel as you feel. I would feel sad too if my best friend didn’t join my bachelorette party. I’m sure my best friend would also be hurt if I did the same to her. You have friends that are better for different events. I have my friends that like to travel and my friends that are more homebodies. I’ve just learned to manage my expectations in each friendship.


Celebrate with those who wanna celebrate and know it’s going to be an amazing time no matter what. It’s okay if the Bach is a big deal to you and if you’re disappointed, that’s fine. But give your friend space to make their decision and focus on those who are giving you what you need this season. Your other bridesmaids may also want to help!
Also you are NOT at all entitled! You are a bride/human trying to figure life out lol. You should be proud you asked for advice before acting only on emotions. That’s wisdom and you’re doing great! I hope it all works out!

View Quoted Comment You are both doing something for yourselves, celebrating yourselves. The difference is she didn't wait to be married to do it. I hope you can be ok with the friendship in the future.