Dear ones,
I need some advice. I have been married for over a year and have been in this relationship for almost 8 years. I love my husband very much and have no regrets, but I've noticed that I've been feeling sad from time to time recently.
The reason, and this may be childish, is that my husband didn't give me anything for my birthday this year and nothing for our anniversary either. Unfortunately, these things are very important to me. I know that gifts shouldn't be a token of love, but it irritated me.
I always think about what I'm going to get him months in advance. And I know that I can't expect that from him. But precisely because we've known each other for so long and he knows how important it is to me, it makes me sad. I've already brought it up and he says it's not that important to him and he doesn't expect it from me either.
But in the first few years of our relationship, he always thought about it and maybe that's why it bothers me more and more? He apologized after our anniversary and since it was my birthday in October, I thought: this time something will come. We were on vacation and I didn't get a cake, a card or a present. I also made the reservation at the restaurant. He did pick up the bill, but as we are married, it didn't feel like a real birthday.
I really pulled myself together and didn't want to cry. I also know that he loves me and we still talk for hours, but somehow I feel less loved?
After my birthday, he said I could choose something and he would buy it for me. Somehow that didn't feel right to me. But since he also brought it up on the following days and I somehow saw his efforts, I picked out a ring on vacation. And now I should be happy, shouldn't I? My problem, however, is that it doesn't feel like a real gift because I put the pressure on and picked out the ring myself. My husband doesn't see a problem with it at all and apparently found it very pleasant. However, he also said afterwards that it was quite expensive. Somehow that put me off straight away because I didn't do it on purpose.
I just really wanted him to go and get something for me on his own initiative. A cake, a card and a small gift like socks would have been enough for me. I'm wearing the ring now and it feels like I've bought myself something. Of course I like it, but I would have preferred it all if he had picked it out for me.
I have brought it up and I often feel guilty. My husband just doesn't see the problem. He says he hasn't had much time and it's just not important to him. And when he saw how sad I was, he really liked the idea of me buying myself something. That's why he brought it up. He doesn't understand why I have the feeling that something is wrong.
And maybe he's right? We tell each other how much we love each other several times a week, we often go out to eat together, we talk a lot and the only thing he's really bad at is romance. And yes, I know that, but I also do things for him that I like less? He could take a step towards me.
After the statement "the ring was expensive" and because I chose it myself, I almost regret buying it. I was somehow afraid that if I didn't choose anything now, I wouldn't get anything at all. And I saw the ring in the shop window and immediately thought it was really beautiful. And he also had the chance to say no. My husband thinks he said it more as a joke. It just feels different to me. I have a well-paid job myself, so I could have bought him myself.
Does anyone have any good advice for me or know where this strange feeling is coming from?
