My father is walking my step-sister down the asile!

I can imagine feeling this way because I’m a daddies girl & probably wouldn’t want him to do this with anyone else. How long has your dad been in her life? Is her dad not around at all?

I would hope she wouldn’t do this to be spiteful. Do y’all get along?

This is a hard situation, if he’s been the only dad she has for many years then it’d be hard for me to be upset because who else does she have? I would talk to my Dad about it!

I understand how you are feeling and I'm sorry this is hurting your feelings. But...

Do you think crying and being so broken up about it, is maybe a tad selfish? Your dad is going to be there for you on your day so why can't he be there for your step sister too? Clearly she sees him as her father.

As for her doing this just to spite you, if she honestly is doing that the best thing you can do for yourself is let it go. Be supportive have a huge smile on your face don't give her the reaction she's looking for.

End of the day your dad is going to be there for you as well so there really isn't any harm being done here.

View Quoted Comment He's been in her life for about 14 years, but as a step dad for 7. Her real dad lives about an hour away, I dont know what kind of relationship they have. Shes about 5 years older than me so we never really spent much time together when we were younger/now. We're civil to each other but haven't been buddy buddy about anything.

I don't think it would bother me as much if my wedding was before hers, guess you can kinda say I dont want it to be 2nd hand, or when my day comes be told "oh we didn't do it this way at Em's wedding".

And how am I suppose to attend her wedding and not be a total wreck about it? This is a new issue (only been about 2 weeks since I found out) and I have been trying to get my dad alone so we can talk, but he keeps telling me hes too busy with work and his at home time to get away from the "evil step mother" as I call her. Still gonna keep trying though!

View Quoted Comment But is he? They are helping with her wedding financially, and I was told "we dont know if we can afford it." When mine is a year and 9 months away and hers is less than 6 months away. And hiding feelings while suffering with major depressive disorder is extremely hard.

View Quoted Comment

Well that's unfortunate, maybe talk to your dad in private and let him know it's unfair whatever money he gives her he SHOULD give you as well.

Still about the walking down the aisle and father daughter dance is something you're going to have to deal with, it's unfair and selfish to think that your dad should only be there for you.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way and I can sort I understand that it may feel like a slight against you, but why exactly do you think you are so upset over it? Why can't he do that for both of you? I don't be that to sound rude. I'm genuinely curious why it hurts you so much.

I'm going to be the 3rd bride my dad walks down the aisle. He walked my cousin down a few years ago since her dad had passed away, and he walked and danced with his mom a couple years ago as well. Completely different situation I know, but I don't feel like that's going to take away how special it will be for me.

I'm so confused as to why him walking her down the aisle is so upsetting to you. It doesn't mean he can't walk you down the aisle. I have 5 female cousins, and there dad walked every one of them down the aisle AND walked down one of his daughters best friend down at her wedding as her father had just passed and the girl was always over their house. Doing it for one daughter didn't ruin or prevent him from doing it for the others....

Your engagement does matter. So does your wedding and so does your relationship with your father. There is a saying that says “if it’s hysterical it’s historical” and I think that applies in this situation.

I’d be willing to bet that you have felt second or not as important or afraid of abandonment since your dad remarried, just like you said so it sounds like it’s really more about underlying father daughter issues than it is actually about the walking down the aisle. Have you sought therapy? Its saved my sanity and my life.

I understand how you feel but I also know that you have an opportunity to really analyze your feelings and learn and grow and heal from them. I hope you feel better and I’m certain that come your wedding day that walk down the aisle with your dad is going to be very special and emotional and beautiful

I actually very much understand where you’re coming from. As someone with a similar family dynamic (it was my mom who got married tho, not my dad) where I was just pushed back and not important enough, the idea that the ONE event that should be you alone (as his daughter) someone else gets first. I think you’re allowed to feel how you feel about it and if you need to take some time (maybe a week or so) to “mourn” then you should. I do not think it’s selfish at all; it’s something most people do not understand unless they’ve been through it. As someone who has been through it tho I will say: after you give yourself that mourning time, it would be easiest for you to do what kids like us that have been thru this do best; put on a brave face and continue on. You gave yourself time to feel what you feel, and then you move on with dignity and show them (her) that they can’t get you down. 😊 I wish you all the best of luck.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree with this. I think this is something you should work through in therapy because it seems like there's a lot going on here.

Also, from your step sister's perspective, 14 years is a long time that he's been in her life. It sounds like she is probably not close to her own father, and I would imagine this is not an easy decision for her, either.

I know you mentioned the money aspect too. Your wedding is a really long ways away. If they are helping her, they probably need to wait until after her wedding to see what they can afford, or they are anticipating that their financial situation could likely change over the course of a year and a half.

I am sorry you are feeling bad. I think it is best to take a few days to calm down. Are you sure they are helping your step sister financially and are going to offer you. No help ?
Your dad has been apart of her life for 14 years that’s a pretty long time.
Maybe you should find out the dramatics of her and her dads relationship.
she is older maybe she wants to start a family.

View Quoted Comment I was checking the wedding wire site. I saw a post from today. Where you said there is no rule for who walks you down. Choose anyone you care about.

I have step parents as well, and I think it is totally right and appropriate for him to be there for her. It doesn’t mean he loves you less.

Yeah. Be proud of having a father who is so able to love his daughters. And for having a father who stepped up and treated your "step" sister like a true daughter rather than a "not as important as his real daughter." Be confident in his love for you. And stop allowing comparison to be the thief of joy. Her day and her happiness and her marriage and her choice to respect her relationship with your father does not diminish your life, happiness, marriage, and relationship with your father. I can understand feeling a twinge of resentment. But focus on the blessings and reflect the goodness you want to receive in your life by being supportive of others.

While I think you’re entitled to your feelings, you need to think about this from other perspectives. You say yourself that you have no idea what her relationship with her biological father is like. Your dad has been in her life for 14 years, which means if she’s early 30s or younger, she was still a kid when he started dating her mom. For all you know, he’s the first actual father figure that was in her life. This could be just as important to her as it is to you.

I also agree with others who have said this seems bigger than just the walk down the aisle and you may want to consider counseling to work on the hurt you’re feeling.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I have never been through this but I can understand. As you mentioned before “ever since my dad has gotten married I’ve felt like the red headed step child” I believe this one special day with having your dad walk you down the aisle and father daughter dance is going to mean the world to you as it should. And now you get the news that he’s walking down your step sister and doing a father daughter dance with her before your wedding. I also agree with PP’s. I believe a little therapy could work or something simple as having a lunch date with your dad maybe once every two weeks just for bonding time. I believe that if she is doing it out of spite. Simply let it go and keep a smile on your face. Your big day will come. You attend your step sister’s wedding with the biggest smile on your face and be happy for her. Trust this overwhelming feeling you have will subside. Always remember that your dad have a new marriage and step daughter that he grew to love as one of his own. But that DOES NOT change his love for you. You’re his daughter.

View Quoted Comment I similarly am confused. I'm a "we rise by lifting others" and a "I love to see others shine!" Type of girl.... I'd be so proud to have such an awesome dad, that she and he have a genuine relationship and she feels confident to ask him to walk her down.... I'd be happy for everyone.

View Quoted Comment Amen Girl!

View Quoted Comment Well said!

I wanted to add that I don’t know why she’d set her timeline to spite you, considering there’s over a year between your weddings. Plenty of people have short engagements. It’s just whatever works for each couple. In my opinion, if she wanted to choose a date to spite you, she would have chosen one that was within weeks or months of when you’re getting married, but still before you.