My closest friend (33M) got married a few weeks ago. He and his husband chose their wedding parties (mixed gender and uneven numbers) a year ago. I (32F) didn't find out they even had a wedding party until I received the official invite 3 months in advance and went onto their wedding website, where they had a page honoring the people they chose.
Finding out this way was disappointing and honestly felt a little like a gut punch. He and I have been very close friends for 15 years, talking/texting multiple times per week and talking about everything over the years, including wedding planning over the past year. We haven't lived in the same place since college, but the same goes for the four people in his wedding party as well. I thought he saw me as one of his closest friends, and now I'm doubting whether that's true. The fact that he and his husband chose uneven numbers makes me think it wasn't a symmetry issue, and two of the four people he chose have known him half the amount of time that he and I have know each other. Not trying to disparage their relationships at all, only saying that I was genuinely surprised to be excluded.
About 1.5 months before the actual wedding, he asked me if I would play piano for the wedding party processional. I'm trying to frame this as his way of trying to include me, but it's been hard to convince myself that I wasn't just an afterthought. I also wasn't invited to any of the preparations (except the rehearsal dinner, which my friend made a point of saying everyone from out of town was invited to), or involved in the photos, or sitting at the table with him and his hubby...His wedding was honestly a bittersweet day for me because I felt very on the outside, when historically he's always included me in the important things in his life (and vice versa). I know it's just one day and I'm genuinely happy for him finding the love of his life, so how do I not let this affect my closeness to him going forward? I don't think saying something is the right answer, so any thoughts about how to reframe/move past it would be appreciated. :-)
