Moving in together after wedding

Practice budgeting plus cooking even it's small things... when I moved in with an ex never having lived with anyone but family before it was a shock and hard and definitely wish I had learned more

Get ready for some harsh realities. Living with someone for the first time, especially after you have never been on your own before, can be difficult. Money was the biggest issue for FH and I as well as our definitions of tidy.

Be patient and nurture an atmosphere that allows the two of you to communicate openly with one another about any issues you may have.

Be prepared to become aware of any character traits or habits you have never seen before in your partner. Some may be good. Some may be bad and test your tolerance. But communication is key. By just talking to each other openly you can avoid a vast majority of issues.

Good luck.

Nope. I had strong beliefs of not marrying anyone until I was rooted enough in adulthood.

Id highly recommend learning to budget and cook. Eating out a lot is going to cost a lot and impact you and your FS's health. Does your FS cook? Does your FS pay rent?

To be honest, when my FH and I moved in with each other, it went really well and has gone amazingly well since then...I was in a situation where I felt I was being forced to move out of my parents house, and him being the person he is didn't want me to move out alone and so we decided to move in together at only 19 and 20. Knowing that, I started buying small things for our new living situation like a toaster, a blender, pots/pans, and small kitchen stuff so we could start off cooking small meals like pasta with a little bit of spices or grilled cheeses, etc. We both grew up very poor so we both already knew how to create very cheap and quick meals with almost nothing, we also knew what it was like and were used to going days without eating so our eating wasn't a huge concern to us.

Also, since we both grew up poor, we learned how to money manage very very well. So moving in together, we put our money together and knew how to budget the money for rent and bills and all of that. I guess my experience is different since we were forced to know how to live on our own long before moving out.

Just know that you will learn A LOT of things about him that you never knew he did/was into, etc. I've never found anything wrong with any of the things I found out but I will say that I've been shocked with a few things I've found out that he did that was a part of his daily life. You really learn how differently two people grow up and live life after moving in with your significant other, but It's great!

Just make sure that you guys talk about finances and how you guys are going to split those up and your expectations for dinner every night and all of that. Just lay it all out on the table and you guys can work together on making a new life with each other after moving in!

I'd also get like a savings account, or find a way to save money so in case you have extra expenses, etc., you guys are covered and don't have to worry about money if an emergency happens.

Do your parents cook? If so, maybe you can join in when they cook to learn how. I assume that you'll have less money to spend on eating out now that you'll be paying rent.

Of course your fiance should also learn. It shouldn't just be your responsibility. You could also try finding some beginning recipes online and go grocery shopping for the ingredients and cook together as a staying-in date night.

I can't imagine not living on my own for at least a little while. It's really good to be able to make decisions for yourself without worrying about what others want; it helps you figure out who you are.

As for the other stuff... well, those are life skills, and you'll have to learn them. Get a big calendar and hang it on your wall if you need to be reminded what day to pay your bills. Make a budget of all your income and then your fixed expenses so you can see what is leftover at the end of the month. Make a list of household tasks and how often they need doing.

This is your life; you gotta learn how to live it the way you want!

Realize that FH clearly is not yourself and may do things differently. Some things you will want your way and may make you snap to see them handled another way. Prioritize what is important and what is worth making an issue about. Communicate!! And totally throw out the window ideas about gender roles & etc. You two should be partners to make the household run successfully. If dishes are dirty someone needs to wash them. If he forgets to take out the trash you do it! The idea is not you vs. him, its YALL vs anything else. Start finding simple recipies for you to try to cook from Pintrest. Remember regardless of your closesness with your families you are starting a family of your own WITH HIM. (Leave & cleave) Always try to resolve issues in house before reaching for a last resort outside (friends/family advice specifically). Make ideas and traditions that fit your relationship, not anyone else's. Get ready to be realistic! Underware and dirty clothes will pile up! Showers and toilets need to be cleaned. Furniture needs to be dusted. Bills will need to be paid to keep lights and heat on. Its your house. Between the two of you take time to take care if it.

So every experience is different but here’s mine. I was 19 and FW was 27 when we moved in together (she’s in the military). We decided that living together was better than me paying to fly to visit her every month and it was better for our relationship. This was my first time living without my parents AND I had left California and gone all the way to missouri. Luckily my mom had taught me how to do the basics (cook, laundry, ect). But I wasn’t prepared for how much groceries cost, how to have the energy to cook after we both had long days at work, how to properly clean the oven (almost set the apartment on fire) just little things I didn’t think about. It will be hard in the beginning, we’ve lived together for a year and there are still some things I’m learning. Eventually you’ll get the hang of it, living together can change your relationship but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Learn to budget, and just be gentle on yourself

Thanks for everything so far! I actually am very good at budgeting and plan on being the person who handles this. I have about 6 grand in savings and am debt free bc I wanted to be financially set for a few months in the beginning. My fiancé starts grad school in July and we’ve already discussed that I’ll be the bread winner until he has his doctorate. The not eating out part is going to be harddddd tho

View Quoted Comment Can you both do healthy cooking classes with a nearby dietician? A huge thing the dietitians and nutritionists do around my area is Friday and Saturday night cooking classes.

I see where you’re coming from, but if you don’t live with someone before you get married, there’s gonna be a lot of problems imo. They could leave their dirty socks everywhere (looking at you FH) and it could drive you crazy.
Its going to be extremely hard to move out, PLEASE learn to budget. We had a lot of problems trying to get enough money for rent, groceries, and bills. Our water was switched off a few times, and we almost got kicked out of our apartments.
I cant really say anything about cooking because I’m marrying a culinary wizard, but at least learn how to make spaghetti. We’ve survived off of big pots of it. And if you’re going over to your grandmas house, do not refuse leftovers! Sometimes that’s the only way we could get food.
Its not going to be a happy start, trust me, but you could work it out.

Maybe consider what things your family does that annoys you and how you deal with it. That’s an easy way just to be conscious about your reactions and coping with frustrating or annoying things. My FH and I live apart and won’t live together until after or just before the wedding, but I’ve gotten used to his habits and things from visiting each other. I used to get annoyed when he left literally ALL the cupboard open after putting away the dishes, but then I started to almost like it because when he wasn’t around, doing the dishes and closing all the open cupboards makes me think of him when he isn’t around.
It’s going to be difficult at first, but I’m sure your commitment to each other will get you through.

It’ll definitely be a change for you. I lived with a girl roommate in college and then lived in an apartment with my FH before we bought a house together last year, so I’m used to living with someone. It’ll take some time to be truly comfortable, but as long as you’re open and honest, you two will be fine. As far as rent and bills, be ready! Trust me, it adds up REALLY quickly. We’re not adventurous people, so staying home to cook and watch a movie is our idea of a great Friday night. It also helps save money, so just be prepared if you can’t go out as much anymore. When you two do move in, don’t let the little things bother you. Him leaving a cup around or not closing the cabinet door might annoy the heck out of you, but you quickly learn that it’s not worth stressing over. Best of luck with your future marriage

No, I’m “old” so I’ve been out and established a long time. I lived with roommates 2 years after college and then on my own for like 15 years until last year when I moved in with FH. It’s a learning curve. Just be patient with yourself and with him. You’ll both have to compromise and negotiate. A lot of bills can just be set up to autopay—that has been a Godsend in my opinion compared to the days when I had to remember when things were due and sit down with a checkbook and stamps! I have few things that I don’t have set to autopay. I personally like to cook on Sundays for the whole week when I can. I make a few recipes and just heat and eat. There are many easy things you can make. One of my favorite things was to cook chicken breasts with salsa, black beans, and corn in the crock pot then eat over rice. You can add cheese and other fixings and it’s almost like chipotle. :-)

View Quoted Comment One thing to remember is that if you are merging accounts and agreeing to be the breadwinner, your money is no longer just yours. I definitely suggest that you discuss financial details at length, especially with you having a large about saved up already. I’ve seen friends struggle with this a lot because one didn’t think the other should be able to spend money on personal things when they didn’t have a paycheck (or other situations).

If FH isn’t working, but decides to go golfing with buddies/shopping/buys a new TV/whatever, is he free to do so or do you need to discuss it first? If you want to go shopping/buy shoes/get a massage/whatever are you free to do so? Situations like this are best discussed before they happen, especially if only one person is bringing in the money.

You being debt free is great but will he be? If not, are you going to be responsible for his debt or will he? If he takes student loans and gets a refund check, what does that money need to go toward?

These are all just suggestions to think of talking about!

It is definitely a learning process. When you fight, which you eventually will, it’s weird not having anywhere to really go to cool off. You can’t just escape by going home for the night

Even as a good budgeter, it can still be overwhelming. You’ll have rent/utilities/gas/phone bills/renters or homeowners insurance/groceries/gas for your car/insurance for your car/health insurance/cable and or internet/whatever.

There are probably going to be a lot of things that will annoy you, but talk them out and learn what is or isn’t worth complaining over. Also remember that your living with someone who has their own thoughts and opinion as well, so your best way to do things may not align with theirs. What you think is a big deal (like folding and putting away clean clothes) may not be a big deal to him. It will definitely be eye opening but I’m sure you’ll make it through

Communication.

Don't be afraid to talk about ANYTHING, seriously, don't keep secrets of ANY kind from you FS, and make sure he feels comfortable enough to tell you everything. The flip side of that, don't get mad at him for telling you his thoughts/feelings/frustrations/etc. and he needs to offer the same curtsy to you.

I know you're not going to listen to this, but I seriously think you should consider living together before you get married. Its is VERY different to spend all of your time with someone, you don't know that you'll be happy and compatible until you do.

My FH moved in with me when he was able to move out if his parents place. I had lived in my own and with roommates before, so I knew what I was doing. It's definitely an adjustment!

I suggest you learn how to budget and ALWAYS pay your bills BEFORE you do anything else. As soon as your paycheck hits your account, pay off all bills and only then you can spend your money on anything else. It's always good to map it all out as some bills are due before your next paycheck.

Also, be prepared for a few arguments. They are normal!! You two will argue about where the silverware drawer goes, how to decorate, how messy one or the other is, and so on. It'll take a little time to adjust living together and changing a few habits.

Get a crockpot!! I know they're the "typical" wedding gift, but they're so so useful and give you sooo many leftovers. You can make anything in them and have a weeks worth of food leftover afterwords. It'll be key whenever you have financial struggles.

Lastly, communicate and work together. It's something you should already have down, but sometimes people forget they can't read each other's minds when they live together or they get frustrated when their partner seems to be slacking. Just be patient and you'll adjust in a few weeks.

Good luck!

I have a similar background. Don’t stress about things like cooking, that will come with time. You’ll burn a few things and mess up but laugh it off and don’t take things to seriously. As far as money goes Dave Ramsey offers a lot of good resources to help you learn about “real life” expenses and money situations. You guys should definitely do pre marital counseling with a pastor or someone else qualified that you both trust and are comfortable with. It helps, a LOT. Just see everything as a work in progress. Don’t get stressed if things arent perfect immediately. Truth is they probably never will be. Just be patient with him and with yourself and focus on learning and growing together!

You 100% do not need to live together before you get married to have a successful marriage. I think that is part of what makes marriage sacred and special is waiting. If you guys are spiritually on the same page that will make all the difference.