Mother in law issues

You can't mend a relationship unless the other person wants to as well. You and your husband need to establish and enforce boundaries with your MIL. It honestly doesn't sound like anything she's done has been malicious, just attention seeking, so don't give her the attention that she's begging for and she will eventually stop.

View Quoted Comment I agree. You can't fix a relationship with someone who doesn't see a problem with the way they behave. I would try and get everyone to stop giving her the attention she seeks and eventually she will change her ways when she realizes she isn't getting the attention. It will be a hard road but it's worth it in the end. When you guys stop giving her attention she will probably be more obnoxious doing more to try and receive the attention she isn't getting but as long as you guys stick to your guns and don't give in eventually it will stop.

I agree with others. The only way to deal with someone like this is to not engage. She's late for the party? Oh, well, continue on without her.... There is no reason to hold off on cake cutting or anything else for her, that just encourages her bad behavior. As a pp said, when you first start ignoring her she'll likely get more aggressive in her attention getting, but as long as you consistently don't react she'll, hopefully, eventually calm down. The worst thing you can do is engage in conversation with her about things you don't agree on. She suggests you move in with her, just say, "no, we're not going to do that" and then change the subject. Don't debate with her cleaning habits or whatever else, that just keeps her agenda as the focus. It's the exact same way you deal with a toddler's attention seeking behavior -- reward the behavior you want to continue and do all you can to not react to the behavior you want to stop -- if you give it attention it will just continue. Good luck!

Yeah I agree with everyone else. Don’t engage in her antics. When she brings up stuff like moving in with her there’s no need to even respond anymore. You and FH already made your stance clear on that so what more is there to say. Once you’ve created a boundary about something there is no need to continue going back and forth about it. Simply walk away and remove yourself from the situation so you don’t get sucked back in. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance.

Honestly? Unless what she’s doing is affecting you in some practical, just ignore it. Don’t let it get to you. She’s late for the party? Not your party or your problem, don’t let it stress you out (if it WERE your party I would say proceed regardless of when she gets there). She says you should move in? Reply “oh haha no no, we are set and enjoy our house and lifestyle.” If she repeated it you repeat your “no thanks” answer. Again no reason to let it upset you because you know there’s ZERO chance of it happening.

Honestly, it might be a good idea to limit contact as much as possible and only see her when you absolutely have to. You and your husband need to be on the same page without boundaries, and he especially needs to enforce them. As others have said, don’t entertain her BS. A simple “mom, we said no” and leaving the conversation/area is enough.

She sounds like a narcissist. My mother is one.

The best way to deal with them is to stay calm, cool, and logical. Don't react emotionally, that's what they want and what they are provoking. Don't cater to them, don't adjust for them. If she pulls a stunt like this on another party, just have the party. If she's late and misses all the important stuff... well, she was given the start time.

No is a complete sentence. Use it often.

And I recommend counseling for your husband (and maybe the two of you together). Growing up with narcissists is a real head trip and can leave a lot of scars.

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She definitely is a Narcissist. Her disrespect is really frustrating. I try so hard not to give her any type of reaction. She has been trying to bully and Intimidate my Husband and I to sell our house and move in with her and pretty much pay her bills because she made poor financial decisions. I feel bad but I will not come around her as much anymore. I just want to keep my distance and love her from a far. Thank you for the advice I appreciate it.

Thank you everyone for the advice it's greatly appreciate it. It's just a really stressful situation

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Thank You! We have told her No numerous times and she keeps continuing to bring it up. I'm trying not to be around her as much