More Drama....

Your FH needs to talk to his mom and grandma. They attacked you and are starting this marriage off with a bad in-law relationship. If you want to do it, and it makes you happy then do it. I know if that was me, I would have told them, I guess you’ll be missing the wedding then.

Yeah, this is a massive boundary violation on their part.

Your FH needs to talk to them, you need to do what the two of you WANT to do at your wedding, and they all need to learn that they either deal, or don't get to be around.

If they don't come, "I'm sorry. You were missed."

Says GALLONS more about them than about you.

That's so crazy, and just shows how little they know their own kid. I'd agree it's your partner's place to talk to them generally.


It sounds like they thought they were coming from somewhere good (in their heads) - they thought they were sparing him some embarrassment. But if he jointly supports that idea, he needs to show them that and get his family in line.
I wouldn't uninvite them over it though. There are worse things out there, and wedding stress and expectations brings the worst out in some ppl. Now is the time to be calm and try to let things roll off your back.

I definitely agree that your FH needs to talk to them and maybe even with you present and let them know it was a JOINT decision. In light of everything that has happened in 2020 we all need a little joy and humor and if this is it, that's awesome.

I'm sorry your FILs reacted this way, take it with a grain of salt and try your hardest not to dwell on it (I know, easier said). Tomorrow will be absolutely beautiful and enjoy these last 24-hours.

No no no, that was not okay for them to do. Blood speaks to blood when there's a conflict regarding in laws. They should have spoken to your FH, not you. Your FH needs to have a heart to heart chat with them.

People are always going to have their own opinions on what a ‘traditional wedding’ is meant to be because of how they hosted theirs. I had a lot of opinions from family on how we are choosing to hold our event and honestly, it’s not up to them! I get it if older family members don’t like a new idea for modern weddings, but again, is it really going to spoil the entire day for them?

I agree with the pp's that he should talk to them because not only was that rude for them to voice their opinions whether they like it or not but to say that you are belittling your husband to be is super inappropriate especially two days before the wedding. I disagree to tell them then you guess you will not see them there. I would say maybe you both talk to the, your FH initiating the convo that he liked the idea and maybe express that it is important that you ladies have a good relationship and that it was hurtful they way they approached you and that they would think you would actually belittle the man you love on such an important day. Maybe for them they did not realize how strong their words were. If they still choose not to come then that is on them at that point.

I'm sorry they attacked you like that. I would have you FH talk to them. I think that would be such a cute idea! I made sure to include some humor in my vows for some crying relief. If he does not want to talk to them about it, just tell them you wont do it then have your FH pull out a stool on the day of and act surprised lol.

I don't know why they care so much if HE is ok with it. but yeah, that's a convo for him to have with them.

I’m so sorry, that is such a tough encounter to get out of your head even after this is resolved ☹️
That said, this sounds more like a reflection on their insecurities than anything. If they were worried about their son/grandson wouldn’t they talk to him? If they are happy to joke with you about it in private, it is likely an older generation tendency to not air any perceived faults publicly- they may still be uncomfortable that he found his soulmate in someone taller.
Agree with pp that he needs to speak with them. As for you, try looking at it from the perspective that it has nothing to do with you and your relationship and is just about their insecurities and see if that helps. Good luck (plus the stool sounds cute to me!)

If they have known you 5 years, is it possible they felt like they could approach you with something instead of going to him? Do y'all normally have a good relationship?

Not going to lie, I think the stool is a little cringey, and I could see how they would be offended by it. But it's y'all's day and y'all's relationship.

So if you don’t want to do it in the ceremony you could always stage a photo of it with your photographer at some point later in the day. And thank you cards for those petty in-laws can be photo cards with that photo on the front! 😂

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with you. Did you tell your fiance what they said to you and how hurt you felt? If he is just as about the stool as you are I'd still do it. And I'd have him have a good talk to his mom and grandma. They should have never attacked you. If they had a problem they could have talked it over with him. Or even have talk it over with the both of you together. Don't let their ignorant words ruin your moment. I think it's a great idea and as long as you both love the idea I say go with it.

It’s just sad when you are trying to enjoy your moment and someone comes in and takes it away. You know your relationship better than they do. See what the FH can resolve and if not, I agree with Rachel.
Don’t let that little petty stuff take away your joy. Just learn to shrug their comments off. This reminds me of husband’s SILs. They seem to care, but it’s the little remarks that they try to take a shot at. In a lot of ways, I don’t think they want us to be happy.
Enjoy your moment!

It sounds like it’s something they’re insecure about and they’re just trying to protect your FH’s feelings. But it sounds like he is not bothered by the height difference at all, so its definitely not their business. And seems like they should have more important things to do in the days leading up to their son/grandson’s wedding honestly

That is the hard thong, what seems funny to some is hurtful, and therefore bad, to others, and often you do not know why. Is his father ( or grandfather) 5'4"-5'7", and was often teased about it?. Or were the other people where FI lived the kind who would always tell others their children's shortcomings -- "your daughter Zoe has such a pretty face...isn't it a shame god did not favor her any other way ", mean girl type sniping ? Something has made them supersensitive, even if FI has no problem with it now. I bet there is a bad history there. I come from two peoples where it is a racial/ ethnic trait to be short and squat, in their own lands, though US nutrition makes a difference. So us kids, 9, range 4'8-5.8". and the smallest married a guy who is fully 8 inches taller, but his male relatives are all big and tall. My mom made some comment about my sister was planning ballet slipper flats, happy for the comfort, and his maybe 5'11 250 plus Dad blew up. Later we found the family, and their people, are what they call macho, very proud of their height and size and power. And their son spent his school years being beat up, called a wimp and gay, for being short and of sleight build. My BIL has made his peace with it, where it shows. But it is both injured pride, father and the other men, and sorrow for the way the boy was always picked on and abused, that BIL says has made his family so sensitive. I know striking redheads and very tall or athletic women who are terrific, but while they seem well adjusted adults, every change of class, neighbors, army unit, whatever, has always led to cruel bullying. So while I would not appreciate being given an ultimatum on something you thought would be cute, these ladies might be canaries in the coal mine, the first to let you know. It might go over badly for all of his older family, if there was ever shame or bullying for being short of stature. Awful for you to be blindsided, but your FI may not realize they would find it disturbing. Because he has gotten past it. My father still gets jokes. You carve stone? I would think you would do miniatures, ha,ha,ha. You should be a pediatrician, so you could reach your patients. To seals and penguins, you probably look tall. It is endless. People on the receiving end get overly sensitive. But even though the way you were approached was awful, maybe it would be worth realizing you picked an old sore open unintentionally. And doing the joke another time, amongst peers, might be respectful, avoidance of something emotionally important to them, though not obvious to you.

View Quoted Comment Which I really do understand we did choose not to do it, but it was the way and the time she chose. If she would have said it sooner and less hurtful it would be fine.