moh declines bachelorette party

As a mom myself, I think you need to be understanding. My two girls are 3 months and 2 years old and I only really trust my mom or husband to watch them. I also wouldn't want my husband to take time off work for an optional party like a bachelorette party. As for the wedding, obviously the maid of honor knows when the wedding is that she's hopefully informed her mother-in-law if that's who is she planning on watching the children or like you said she can always use the babysitting services you she offered but only if she's comfortable with that. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with someone I don't know watching my kids but that's just me.

You're upset she planned the whole thing and can't come? I bet she's upset too! Had childcare arranged, and now she doesn't have any.


Her husband shouldn't have to take off work. He would either have lost wages or use PTO, that he could be saving for another time.
I'd just tell her to keep you updated, maybe she will find a trusted sitter in that time or something can workout, September is a few months away she has time. As the time gets closer to your wedding remind her you can arrange for baby sitting services if they need.

You’re being unreasonable, especially so if you wanted more than a night out, ie a multi day or out of town event. If the H would have to actually take off work, I assume it is something like that.


If you don’t yet have children of your own it’s hard to appreciate that you can’t leave young children with just anyone, certainly not if you’re talking more than a few hours while they are mostly sleeping.
A bachelorette is an optional and minor event, at least it’s supposed to be. You can’t compare it to the wedding. You can be disappointed she can’t come but I’d be grateful to her for planning the whole thing, not resentful.
I’m not sure why there was an argument about you generously offering babysitting services. No one is obligated to make use of them. Did she expect her child to be invited?

I think it’s understandable that you are disappointed she can’t come. However, I think the reason she is giving is also understandable. It sounds like she has gone out of her way to plan an event for you, and had secured child care. It’s not her fault that childcare has fallen through. Like others have mentioned, many parents only feel comfortable leaving their children with certain people. It sounds as though she does not have another trust worthy childcare option available for the date of your event. So, as disappointing as it may be, I would instead focus on expressing gratitude to her for organizing the event, and on having fun with those who can attend.
If you are worried about her attendance at the actual wedding, I would take this opportunity to ask her about it. Make sure she has rocksolid childcare for the wedding, and maybe even a back up plan in case that childcare option falls through.

View Quoted Comment I would also like to mention that my matron of honor is my sister.

& that my brother in law is too afraid to watch my niece on his own.

View Quoted Comment I still don't think that changes anything nor the fact that he's too afraid to watch your niece on his own. My only other suggestion would be for someone on your side of the family to watch her like your mom (if she's able).

I assume your own parents are not an option. Your brother in law’s issues don’t change anything. That is their concern. If anything it sheds more light on the challenges of her leaving.


How old is your niece? How far from home is the bachelorette and for how long will you be away?

The pre-wedding stuff is optional only.

Stuff happens love. It's only the month of May and you have until September! Very likely, things may change. And, if not- the support you get after all this stuff is what matters most in the end. Quite possibly she too is saddened she THINKS she cannot make it (as of right now). Especially after planning the whole shin-dig. (I've been there before where that has happened, and I speak for myself, the feeling sucked)

Also, People do jump the gun many times. "I can't do this or that, I just know it" and then- time happens, and things change. I do give her credit for telling you about her situation at hand as it is RIGHT NOW. She's communicating the issue and dilemma she has in advance and that's a great thing and thoughtful. Though, yes, it is stressing you out a bit now- Just don't allow it too. Time will tell is all.

It is understandable your disappointment right now too! And yes, especially if it's your sister. You want her there, naturally.

Just wait it out and see what happens in time. Because you do have quite a bit of it right now. No need to stress about it.

I hope your sister doesn't find out you're publicly condemning her husband, their family, their work, and their money all in hopes of having a party weekend.

View Quoted Comment Thank you 🥹

View Quoted Comment

. You're welcome Genevieve!