Mixed feelings

We had a firm policy on not hiring friends or asking them to work our wedding. (Except for our day-of coordinator, because she actively hated attending weddings she wasn’t working.) The biggest reason is that we wanted our friends and family to enjoy the wedding, not have to work it. We’ve both been to weddings in the past where we were asked to help out and missed big parts of the wedding and couldn’t enjoy ourselves at all, and we didn’t want to do that to people we care about.


Second, using friends and family because you expect a discount seems a little exploitative to me. When I use a friend’s business, I pay full price because I want to support them! If everyone expects to get discounts, you can’t do good business. (Them offering is fine, but not doing it specifically because you expect that.)

Third, I wanted to have a professional relationship with my vendors. I needed to be able to say “that’s not what you said you’d do” or “that isn’t acceptable” without having to worry about hurting a friend’s feelings or causing a family rift.
Finally, you can save money with friends and family if everything goes right. If something goes wrong, you’re opening yourself up to potentially big problems. Hire a bonded and insured caterer, they get burned while cooking something or trip carrying a tray, t’s covered by their insurance. If it’s a friend helping out, they’ll have to go through yours. (Not that your friend is planning to sue you, but often *their* insurance will to recoup costs.)
It just seemed kinder to our friends and to us to keep things professional with the vendors.

View Quoted Comment And that is how I feel but we still have a lot to learn and discuss so hopefully I can get him more on my side

I agree with the idea about friends that provide vendor services being paid at full price, or offer (and expect) to pay full price. It should be peace of mind to pay friends more than strangers. There also is the concern of letting them enjoy the event as guests. Maybe some friends could both do their services and enjoy being a guest.

I would rather our friends just be our friends.

Hi, Cutting cost is a big thing for me. So, that's why I'm the wedding planner and coordinator with the assistance of my sister. And I've DIY 90% of my wedding and reception decorations including my bridal bouquet , bridesmaid bouquet and groomsmen boutonniere and corsages. You'll definitely save a lot of money and will be able to splurge on reception venue, cake, dj, and HONEYMOON. PLEASE NOTE my caterer is a dependable family friend and I know is quoting me a less expensive price. I told her that I didn't hire her to get a deal. I hired because she can COOK. She still didn't want to add to the price so when I make full payment I'm throwing in a couple more $100.00. The only thing my family will need to do is setup and break down, the church decor and reception venue.

In the wedding industry, these are called "friendors". Friends that are also vendors. In my experience, the vast majority of vendor problems I see here are due to friendors. What if you need to tell someone you don't be using them or you want something they can't do? It's a risk to the friendship.

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I think that is a good way to handle that situation

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Let me add that the venue is allowing me to come in a day before to decorate which is HUGE. I've had to help setup and decorate for family receptions on the wedding and I did not enjoy because I was tired. And all I was thinking about was the breakdown after everything was over with. One time my cousin and I was mistakenly left at the venue. They forgot us and by the time we got to the mother of the bride house there was so many people there (family from out of town) that we had to dress in the office without showering, makeup, etc. So, if family is helping in this area ask the venue if you can come in a day before for a few hours to decorate. It may add to the cost but it will take the stress off of family members.

I think it may completely depend on the vendor and you may end up compromising by having a couple friends involved, but not for everything. For example, if you have a friend who's an amateur photographer and they haven't done weddings before, do not hire them because even if they are affordable, the pictures might turn out bad and you can't get those back.

But if you have a friend who is an excellent baker and has made many really nice cakes before, if they're more than happy to make your wedding cake at a discount, maybe you could go for it. My cousin has her own little baking business and she made her brother's wedding cake and it turned out amazing. These are just examples so your situation will be different as you have different friends.

If you hire friends, there is the danger they might not come through, whereas when you hire professional vendors you sign a contract so you have some recourse if they fail to provide the service.

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I believe this is what is going to happen and I am willing to hear people out, but I do not want to make decisions based on oh they know us.

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That makes a lot of sense! Totally valid way to feel and there's a lot of stories backing up your hesitation.

It's completely understandable to have mixed feelings about hiring friends or family for such an important event like a wedding. It's important to have a candid conversation with your fiancé about your concerns and the potential risks involved in hiring friends or family.

You can discuss the importance of professionalism and reliability, and consider finding a compromise that addresses both of your concerns, such as hiring professionals for critical aspects of the wedding while involving friends or family in other non-critical tasks. Open communication and finding a middle ground can help alleviate some of the stress and ensure that both of your perspectives are taken into account.

I'm very strict with professionalism, so I disagree with Michael's last comment that guests can both work and enjoy. If I hire someone, I'm paying them to do their job, they're not to be part of the party. Friends, however, will want to celebrate with you which can be problematic when money is involved. If you decide on friendors, you will have to be clear with your expectations about the job. For example, they (or you) may interpret any discounts as an agreement they can work less and enjoy the party. Do you want this ambiguity when your wedding schedule is on the line? In sum, you shouldn't expect friendors to both work and play because that leads to conflicts of interest, time, and expectations (on both your sides). You're not getting your money's worth and they don't even fully enjoy your celebration. Depending on the task at hand, hiring friendors is risky and perhaps you're setting up your friend and/or yourself to fail.

Also, I do think we need to normalize supporting loved ones' businesses without asking for discounts. Real support is paying them for their time appropriately so they can sustain their business. Good luck.

This is a common topic in the search bar at the top of the page. There is a reason why people say to never mix friends and business. 1) the friendship will be detrimentally affected if anything goes wrong: miscommunication and so on. That is not a reason to look for discounts. 2) people working don’t get to enjoy themselves as guests for even 5 minutes out of the day. 3) many venues are strict on which vendors you can use. Even those that are blank slates that allow for any vendors of any price range require them to be legitimately licensed and insured, because you will be held legally responsible if anything happens from their negligence.



Cost cutting is actually pretty simple even though many try to make it more complicated than it is. But asking guests/friends to work is not how you do it.