Logical

So that they feel included since this child will be related to them just as much as your family. Also so that they can send gifts, since that’s the purpose of a shower. That's just my insight though, if you want to understand your husband's logic, I would ask your husband.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Catylyn.

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They would be having a separate virtual shower so I don't see the point of sending them invites to my physical shower.

If you don't want to send physical invites, you could always opt for virtual invites to the ones that will be attending the virtual shower. I know minted.com has their virtual invites for free until Dec. 31. Maybe check those out, that way your virtual attendees will still be receiving an invite and will feel more included!

Well, they are still invited and will attend virtually! I think attendance has just taken on different meanings today (virtual vs. physical) but I don't think it should diminish each guest's place as a valued attendee. They are still your invited guests, as you want them to join in and celebrate with you. As a guest, I would love to still get an invitation (it's exciting!), and I have for two virtual showers this year. Also, and maybe this isn't the right way to look at it, but I am assuming all of your guests are still gift-givers, so spending a nominal amount on an invitation seems like a pretty good trade-off to me. Plus, at lot of people put invitations on their fridge as reminders, so it may serve as a good functional tool as well.

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If there really are two completely separate events (this wasn't clear in your OP) then, yes, people should only receive the invitation to the party to which they are actually invited. It would be very confusing and hurtful for guests to receive an invitation and then be told not to come.

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Sorry it wasn't clear. My husband hasn't been very clear about all of this. I thought we would invite them to the shower and if they didn't feel comfortable attending that would be their choice. Instead, he wants us to mail out invites and then he's going to talk to his mom and tell her that none of them can actually come to the shower because he isn't comfortable with that many people especially from multiple different states. At one point, he said we could try to see if any of them would want to join virtually, but he hasn't sure and if not then we could do a completely separate shower that is virtual. To me, I think I would be so confused as a guest that is technically invited, but told they can't actually attend. That would make me feel more excluded than sending them an invite to begin with.

I also should have mentioned that last year they were going to do a virtual shower for my sister-in-law's bridal shower since her shower was 10 hours from where everyone lives and none of them could figure out.

View Quoted Comment That's what I understood. You can invite them to a virtual shower, but you cannot invite them to a physical shower and essentially ban them from attendance. Especially after the fact. I would perceive this as a gift grab and that I am not really wanted.

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That's exactly my opinion, but that's what he wants me to do. The other issue I'm going to possible run into if he wants them to be there virtually at the same time as my physical shower is that my mom was talking about having it at their house and she has terrible Internet reception so I don't know how a virtual thing would work. I also know they had a difficult time last year trying to figure out how to attend my sister-in-law's shower virtually so they ended up being unable to do so.

View Quoted Comment For the virtual part you could do a test run with everyone, but things can still not work the day of. Also I think it would be weird to know I was only invited virtually whilst everyone else is there having a good time. Seriously though, I think your Husband is setting up a situation that will cause major offense. Have 2 showers if the out of town relatives want to participate. Or, they are given the option of attending. If too many people is the issue then the shower needs to be scaled back for everyone's safety. PS still so very super duper happy for you😁

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We are beyond thrilled. I totally agree that he is setting up a difficult situation.

What about using Punchbowl and doing electronic invitations for free?

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I never heard of Punchbowl before, but I can definitely look into it.

View Quoted Comment I used it for my sons birthday party last year and we also used it for our minimony this year! It tracks RSVP as well

View Quoted Comment Sounds great! Thank you for your help