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Jasmine
Beginner August 2024

Is it weird to have an “elopement-themed” engagement photo shoot if we’re are actually planning to elope?

Jasmine, on December 29, 2023 at 6:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8
Hello, hello! Question, is it weird if we shoot a Save Our Date Video at the courthouse, about 5-6 months ahead of our wedding, if we actually do plan to elope later in the year? It’s just foreshadowing, right?

Let me explain: We’re planning to elope at the Historic DeKalb Courthouse in Atlanta next August. Right now, we’re planning for about 6-8 people (not including us). Our venue allows us up to 25, and if we end up going with that number then we’ll invite our closest family members and be done. I , honestly, believe that we’ll end up with more than 10 folks since I talked this man *and his Caribbean mother * down from a starting guest list of 150-200 people. Although our immediate families are small, we both have huge extended families so we are planning to do a huge 150-200 “family reunion-esqe” event around our 1 year anniversary to try to catch as many friends and family as possible.

It’s not a secret but we are NOT advertising that we’re eloping. Only my best friend knows right now. I just plan to post a public announcement for the Save The Date and then invite my 25 folks via digital invite. We’ll tell our parents before they get their invite.

Okay, here’s my problem: I’m currently looking to do a Save Our Date video at the same time as our engagement photography session. Likely in March, about 5 months before the wedding. Thinking that we’ll do a true elopement right now: I want both the photo shoot and save our date video to have a Bonnie&Clyde / On the Run (what’s up, BeyHive) theme. See the attached screenshots for my mood board. Jay-Z was a big part of how we first bonded, we’ve gone to 3 of his concerts together, and I’m a huge Beyoncé fan so it makes sense to me.
The idea is that we’d start taking pictures in Black tie/formal wear at a nice hotel and then do a few shots in a getaway car and end at the Courthouse with me in a little white dress.
Is it weird to have an “elopement-themed” engagement photo shoot if we’re are actually planning to elope? 1
Is it weird to have an “elopement-themed” engagement photo shoot if we’re are actually planning to elope? 2


My thought is that we can recreate the same shots at the Courthouse in our actual wedding attire on the wedding day and, I think, the juxtaposition would be cute. Everyone who knows us will catch the Jay-Z/Beyonce reference. It’s very on brand for us.
Is this weird? Or do we just call it foreshadowing? Am I thinking too hard?
Thanks for taking the time to read about my unnecessary, existential angst. I’m a talker and this became much longer than expected.

8 Comments

Latest activity by CM, on January 5, 2024 at 11:46 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I think that’s a super cool concept for a photo shoot, but the issue is with sending out the save the date as public announcement. Save the dates are intended only to be sent to guests you plan to invite so they “save the date” and make sure they don’t double book another event. I’d be really confused and maybe a little hurt if I saw a save the date and then wasn’t actually invited to the event. Instead, I would maybe save that idea for the elopement part. That way you can send out wedding announcements after the fact, which are very common and don’t carry the expectation of being invited to the wedding, since it’s after the wedding has occurred.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    I'm very confused. Who is the save the date meant for if you are having a true elopement? Are you talking about sending this ahead of your actual marriage as a way to let people know or is this for the anniversary celebration? How is it a true elopement if you are inviting up to 25 people?

    I agree that any broader wedding announcement needs to be sent after the elopement. A save the date is for those invited to the actual wedding. An invitation to an anniversary party or "celebration of marriage" is what you'd send to those invited to the large party a year later. You would need to make it clear to people that it's a celebration, not the wedding.

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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    Save the dates are for the people you’re inviting to the wedding. If you send someone a save-the-date, you’ve committed to inviting them to the wedding. So until you decide if you’re eloping and what your guest list is, don’t send out save the dates!
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  • Jasmine
    Beginner August 2024
    Jasmine ·
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    Here’s the thing: the vendor is calling it a Save the Date session, I believe it’s just an engagement photo + video shoot to the rest of us. And to be clear, I’d send it to the 8-25 people that we decide to invite…I do this all the time. If we’re inviting 15 friends over for a party then I’ll go put together a canva invite and text it to them. And I couldn’t care less if it’s an elopement or a microweddding so long as the price stays the same— so I’m not terribly concerned about those nuances. My thought is that if we shoot a “Save the date” video, that footage could be used later on in our “We got married” announcement. Did that clear up your confusion?
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  • Jasmine
    Beginner August 2024
    Jasmine ·
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    The vendor is calling the engagement session a “Save the Date”. So I’m thinking of it as an opportunity to get footage that could be combined with the wedding footage for a video that get released as our “we got married” announcement.


    I take your point about people feeling upset, but they’re going to be upset anyway that they’re not invited🤷🏾‍♀️.
    But I was mostly asking about the concept and trying to work out the timeline, so thank you for that feedback!
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  • Jasmine
    Beginner August 2024
    Jasmine ·
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    Yes, ma’am, I understand the concept of a save the date. To be clear, I fully plan on sending out 8 of them if that’s the number of people who are coming. We tend to do something like this for parties that we host throughout the year by texting or emailing people a canva invite.
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  • Andrea
    Rockstar January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    The confusion is coming from your saying “ I just plan to post a public announcement for the Save The Date and then invite my 25 folks via digital invite.” Public announcements aren’t for save the dates. If you mean you just plan on posting the video without anything saying “save the date” on it, then that’s fine.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    A wedding announcement is fine but I would stick to something understated like a post on social media with your photo or a mailing. I would not advise sending a whole big video wedding announcement to those not invited to the wedding. That seems a bit too gift grabby for my taste.

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