Is it wedding stress or depression?

Definitely relax & take a you day. Set aside a day to pamper yourself & don't do anything wedding related. At this rate it seems like you're just gonna burn yourself out.

I'm sorry that planning has been so stressful! Definitely take some time for yourself. As for the required planner, check out local wedding Facebook groups! Often times, vendors are in those groups and can be cheaper than ones recommended by the venue. Search for something like "[city/area name] brides" or "[city/area name] weddings", and add a post stating that you're looking for a planner. Be sure to list your wedding date, budget, and what tasks are involved. Vendors available on your date and within your budget will respond.

Wedding planning is beyond stressful and covid def adds to it. I felt very stressed and overwhelmed during planning. I’m getting married in 7 days and I’m still feeling like there’s a lot to do. However a few months I realized that I needed to focus on one thing at a time. I made a list of things that needed to be booked and a to-do list. I created it in google sheets so I could access it anywhere right from my phone. Hopefully this helps you focus on one thing at a time. Also having this forum has reallllllly helped with making decisions, asking for feedback/advice, and just wedding talk in general. Best of luck!

Honestly, if it is causing so much stress...cancel it. Elope somewhere easy and beautiful, and once finances are better, have a vow renewal and make it the wedding of your dreams.

I agree with Melissa, elope or rearrange your thoughts on how you want to celebrate. You're consumed by the thoughts because maybe you're just not up for the challenge of a big plan that costs big money. We almost eloped ourselves but for different reasons, we just wanted to originally go away with our best friends and have them marry us on a beach, but we decided instead to have it at home and make it under 50 people. We are not having a traditional wedding. We are getting married at our venue and having a two hour cocktail hour after. We have spent just about 10,000, including everything. A venue, music, photographer, caterer, flowers, my dress and his Tux rental. Our venue comes with a planner, the director herself. It may be time to rearrange your original thought. Don't feel pressure to have a big bash and spend tons of money you don't have. Thats too much stress. No wonder why you feel depressed! Elope or rearrange your thoughts about having a small wedding maybe with just a cocktail hour.

Everyone I have spoken to loves this idea and I am honestly excited to just show up, get married, party for two hours and leave! No dancing, band, or cake. Just a violin and a harpist playing in the background while people mingle, drink and eat yummy hourderves. Our friends are hosting a party after, but we will be on our way to our honeymoon that we can afford because our Wedding was so cost effective! No airplane trips, just a two hour ride to a beach destination, easy and stress free!

Good luck to you. Listen to your heart and talk it over with your fiancé. I bet he'll be relieved to not have to incur the cost of a traditional Wedding.

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Yup! Elope and be done with it, or postpone a year. You are clearly not in the right mindset to be planning/ having a wedding, and that's ok! It should be fun, not a burden. You'll regret forcing it.

Whether it is clinical depression or just a challenging time in your life, you can benefit from talking to a supportive therapist. Any good therapist or counselor can be a wonderful help for brides/grooms experiencing wedding stress, financial stress, feelings of isolation, and so much more. Would you consider trying reaching out to someone? If cost or access are issues there are many free and confidential online resources you can try -

https://www.nami.org/help

https://www.mentalhelp.net/depression/hotline/

http://www.7cups.com/

https://www.mhanational.org/

You are not alone. It is so stressful planning a wedding. I thought it was going to be cake walk for me after being involved in so many weddings. I already knew exactly what I wanted. Then COVID hit and everything got turned upside down. I've hated the entire process with all the ups and downs that covid has brought. Some days I just can't even think about the wedding. I need to just focus on other things that are unrelated. And other days I get more than I thought I would accomplished. Most of my friends got married pre-covid. So they truly dont understand. They constantly tell me its not a big deal if I have to postpone, or lower my guest count, but these weren't things they had to worry about. Take a deep breath, and just take it one day at a time. I agree that seeking a therapist or counselor can really help channel your energy in a positive way. And if you ever need someone to just vent to, message me, I'll always respond

Sorry you’re going through all of this stress. Planning shouldn’t be that bad of an experience.
While I’m just beginning the process, I am doing things my own way. We are not having wedding parties so there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen to deal with all of the different personalities, dress attire, gifts, etc.
I’m not having a maid of honor. We are not doing many of the typical wedding traditions that take place. Just remember that it’s your day and you can choose to cater it to your likings and keep it simple if you want.

You're not alone. The planning process (decision fatigue, having to manage and direct vendors and wedding party, finances, expectations of others, or your own, family dynamics) can feel overwhelming because this is usually the largest, grandest event most people plan for themselves. I'm a former event professional and planning our own wedding has been more exhausting than I was prepared for, despite our wedding being 65 people. By comparison, the largest I planned as a pro was for 300 people on Day 2 of a two-day, two-ceremony weekend. Planning can feel hard too because even in keeping it "simple," it's a vortex that takes nearly every part of every day, from not being able to eat freely because of the gown, to the checklists, to still working or caring for yourself on medical leave, catching all the packages being delivered to the house, constantly asking for time off for appointments and inevitable hiccups that happen as you go. And you're not sure who you can confide in because you're supposed to be happy and friends or other confidantes might be judgemental about you feeling this way.

Like earlier posters said, find someone you can talk to. Maybe a college near you has a lower-cost community program (no insurance required) where you can register for sessions with a psychology or social work or counseling student under the training of a licensed therapist. Postponing is an option too. However, the stress might reappear then too, so it could be good to talk with someone now to think about what you need, what is triggering, and coping mechanisms that you can use whenever you choose to get married.

We're 10 days out. I checked out 2 months ago. It's just a nonstop to-do list. Everyone else around me is excited, while I stopped sleeping well about 4 weeks ago, and returned to grinding my teeth and tensing my neck & shoulders. I booked an appointment at one of those rage room places for the first time last week and it was so needed. FH and I have had a few heart-to-heart chats, where I've explained that two things can be true: I can & do love him and yet I would have easily been happier skipping what we have planned (& saving the money).

Of course, I hope something on your day makes you genuinely smile. For me, it will be the FH (he's been excited the entire time), seeing my parents who I haven't seen since pre-COVID, and the cake I insisted on. In that order.

You are not alone. And this world has more than enough space for you to prioritize yourself and your needs ahead of your friends/wedding party.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I started out like this since my FH flat our said he wanted to elope and has no desire to help me plan even though his large family is why we can't have something small.

This year has been hard enough on everyone who ISN'T planning a wedding, so you are not alone. Take a beat to pamper yourself. Your health should always come first. You also do NOT need an excuse to go see a therapist. I am sure so many people seek help during planning their wedding. I had a therapist before my engagement but honestly most of our sessions revolve around planning stress now.

Also if you are a workaholic - work on your wedding !! I missed planning photoshoots after I got laid off so when I got engaged I went in there HARD making powerpoints, doing research, and making spreadsheets! it also helps with anxiety to be as organized as possible.

Take inventory of what is really important to you and your FH. Are you able to cut back a little bit on the scale of the wedding? Small things like favors and decorations are an easy place to cut back. There are so many ways that you can save money. For the planner - are you able to get a day or month of coordinator? Those are usually cheaper - I found my Day of Coordinator for $1000 and found other for as little as $700. Check out Thumbtack and Offer up for services and decorations as they can often be cheaper options there.

Do not be ashamed to postpone, or just elope. My first marriage was an elopement and it was not stressful at all. We legit ran to Vegas on a whim and did it. It was the best sort of wedding idea I could have asked for at 19 and barely holding on financially (even thought it was really a stupid idea for us). Now, at 30 and my second go-around, we have postponed this dang wedding 3 or 4 times. We have been engaged since Sept 2017. We are finally 9 days out and I can honestly say, it has been so much easier this go around. The first few times we planned, it was just so stressful and I did not enjoy it. This time? Breath of fresh air! We have 21 guests and are sitting at just under $6k for the entire wedding and honeymoon/staycation. There is nothing wrong with taking your time.

Look for deals! Amazon can really be your best friend. Secondhand places, like bridal groups on facebook and things like OfferUp are super helpful with finding good deals. I hit David's Bridal during the 20% off sale and had a coupon for being a new customer. I got a $1,099 dress off of the rack and my mother-in-law did my alterations for me. I paid $750 total for dress. Ordering one online is nothing to be ashamed about either. Go try on dressed, find what you like and what shape looks best on you, and then go online and order one similar. I got a silk and button bouquet and cheap bridesmaids bouquets on amazon. I got my fiance's suit on amazon for $100, including the shoes. He now has a suit he can wear at other times after the wedding. I worked out a deal with a hairdresser/makeup artist I found on Thumbtack. My venue had a smoking deal that included everything from food, to officiant, to photographer. I just had to keep my guest like under 20 ($30 extra pp, up to 10 extra guests). I scoured amazon for gifts for the bridal/groom parties and the in-laws. I spent more on gifts than I did the attire for my 3 small kids in the wedding! All things were purchased from Amazon.

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This is so very important! Thank you for sharing this. Mental health is something that needs to be taken seriously. Do not hesitate to take a step back and forget the entire wedding. And by day, I mean a week or a month. However long it takes for you to feel better.

Thank you, everyone. I really, really appreciate all the kind words and advice. I love planning things and I'm very good at planning things but I'm really bad at being alone so doing this by myself I think is what is making everything so hard.

I did talk to my fiancé about seeing a therapist because I know I need one. I used to go from 15-18 and then stopped but now I think it's something I should start again so I have somebody I can just talk to and get it all out.

I saw the comment about running away to Vegas and just eloping and multiple of my family members have suggested eloping but I didn't want it to take away from the magic of my actual wedding day, however, I'm very much a dreamer (pisces) and it sounds like a funny, silly adventure to secretly jet off and tie the knot. I might actually suggest it to him. Also I have been feeling better since I first posted. Again, thank you guys so so much. It really means something when strangers take the time to encourage you. I hope for the best for you all.